To feel sorry for my 4 year old

[ApologiesandSanctomony]

With Halloween coming up, dc2 has been letting us know that he absolutely wants to go trick or treating. He loves dressing up, and has excitedly helped put indoor decorations up; it is becoming evident that he loves this time of year. The issue is he will be alone, with dh taking him around. I have tried to focus on doing fun things indoors, but he still wants to go. He is so little, and the thought of him standing at doors on his own, with dh hovering, upsets me.

DD who is 6 is ND, and under no circumstances wants to accompany him. She has made it clear that she wants to stay indoors. DD has said that she wants to play a game where she knocks on a door inside our house, and trick or treats me, then I'm to give her sweets. She doesn't want to dress up, but does wish to wear a Halloween themed top. I'm trying to make the evening fun for her with pizza with ds, and spooky treats. Trick or treaters knocking scare her, so I will be putting a bowl of sweets outside.

I feel so sorry for them both, ds being alone, and it is making it more upsetting to me by the indoor game dd wants to play. If they both were happy indoors having a spooky fun evening it would feel fine.

Has anybody experiencing a similar situation? I just feel abit sad for them both.

What is sad about one on one time with dad doing exactly what he wants?!

I didn’t really want to take my 2 year old trick or treating last year. I remember going as a child and people were not pleasant when you knocked on their doors. Not an experience I wanted for my child. At the time we had Merlin passes so paid for her to do the trick or treat town there. It was wonderful! She got dressed up, it was really spooky, knocked on lots of doors and got lots or Haribo! I would recommend if anyone is thinking about it.
Going to Butlins this year as it’s our 1/2 term and when I booked it was term time prices for some reason so a real bargain!
Ive not done this before but hoping she will still dress up and enjoy the Halloween activities as she loves Halloween and anything spooky 👻

Sad about what? Hallowe’en isn’t even a big thing in our culture. We don’t do it at all in our family. Just let your DH take DS out and you look after DD. Maybe see if a new school friend will go out with their parents and your DH and DS.

It may not be part of your culture, but it is part of British history. Since you know, it’s where Halloween originated from. Evidently it is a ‘big’ part of our culture or at least in places outside of England. Autumn leading into winter has always had mixtures of thanksgiving, festivals and other events as has been for centuries. It’s part of our agriculture and history of ‘lighting up the dark nights’. Perhaps you’re not British/Celtic though and obviously it wouldn’t be much of a part of your culture…

OP, I don’t know if this will help at all, but if DD was NT, you still wouldn’t be able to all go as a family : one parent would have to stay home to give sweets out!

I grew up in North America, Halloween was always a huge deal. I then emigrated to the U.K., and initially there was no TorT’ing at all in our neighbourhood, so we celebrated with American friends who lived in an expat enclave. But in recent years it has become hugely popular on our street, houses get decorated, and we get lots of kids going around, which is wonderful. Sadly my children are now teenagers and don’t want to do it anymore 🥺.

I bloody love Halloween, and the underlying spirit of it, which is a community celebration for children. Doing something nice for strangers; allowing children to indulge in “scary” stuff, which lots of children are instinctively attracted to, and is a way of conquering fear by microdosing it. I genuinely feel sorry for those who don’t understand this.

It sounds like both your DCs will have a lovely time and get an experience that is at the level they enjoy. Sounds absolutely ideal to me!

Why is it sad? They are both getting to do what suits them. Do you know any of your neighbours with kids of a similar age that your husband could join forces with? That’s what we did when our kids were small.

OP I think reading between the lines this has less to do with Halloween and more to do with the difficulties of having ND and NT siblings where you will have to make constant accommodations for one, sometimes to the detriment of the other. If so, I get it. I have twins, one is ND and there are many times where doing things together will not work. I go between feeling sorry for ND child who struggles with so many things to feeling sorry for NT child who I worry is being held back. If I'm wrong and you are literally only worried about Halloween evening then YABU, it's not big deal!!

Dad spends time with his son doing what thousands of other parents do with their child when they go trick or treating.

What part of that is even remotely upsetting that would make anyone feel sad?

When my son was that age, some of the parents from his playgroup (approximately half a dozen who lived near each other) all got together and had one parent stay at home whilst the other went round to trick or treat.

We all met up at one point and then walked together with the children in a group to everyone's house. It worked out well and was just enough for the children and they were guaranteed sweets and cakes etc.