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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

339 replies

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 01:47

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 16/10/2023 01:51

I wouldn’t send the baby now as I’d be so annoyed. I also wouldn’t EVER depend on her for anything again. She’s clearly unreliable and a tool.

Honestly, I’d have nothing to do with her. I’d let your DP visit with the baby if he wants, but I’d be out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2023 01:54

Let your DH visit and you have a lovely weekend pleasing you and the dog. See if he likes your MIL more than a weekend away with you.

I'd be spitting. Because it was all entirely predictable from her point of view and done with the most possible disruption for you. Dreadful behaviour and I would let your DH know it was too.

Newestname002 · 16/10/2023 01:57

Lizzieregina · 16/10/2023 01:51

I wouldn’t send the baby now as I’d be so annoyed. I also wouldn’t EVER depend on her for anything again. She’s clearly unreliable and a tool.

Honestly, I’d have nothing to do with her. I’d let your DP visit with the baby if he wants, but I’d be out.

This is pretty selfish of her and she's proven herself so unreliable in the past as well as this incidence that I'd never rely on her for anything again, especially the logistics and money around your much-anticipated trip.

Don't let her have the baby - the reason she was having her was because of your trip, which you've been forced to cancel. 🌹

Guavafish1 · 16/10/2023 02:01

its very annoying.

I won't ever use her for child care again or dog sitting.

Its depends, if you want a child free weekend. I would still use her.

If not then cancel

Ktime · 16/10/2023 02:02

What a bitch. Definitely don’t send dd. And I wouldn’t rely on her ever again. Sounds like it’s sabotage on her part.

Also don’t do her any favours, let H deal with his own mum.

Is there definitely no one who can step in and have dd and dog?

Could you find/afford a dog friendly a break for you including dd?

coxesorangepippin · 16/10/2023 02:04

What everyone said

Original poster
inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:07

DHs argument for sending her is that we've both had a really stressful time at work recently and since I've been back working we have had no time just us, so he thinks it will be good to just relax a bit even if it's just at home.

I get it, because yes I could do with a break, but I don't think I'd be able to relax and it would just make me more sad.

He's utterly furious with MIL but thinks it would be vindictive not to let her have DD and doesn't want to lower to her level. I on the other hand don't think she deserves it, but maybe I'm being a bitch 😂

OP posts:
AlltheFs · 16/10/2023 02:09

Go on the trip on your own, leave dog and DD with your husband and let him dwell on his feckless family.

Does she dislike you @inlawsruinmylife because this smacks of deliberate sabotage to be honest?

Codlingmoths · 16/10/2023 02:12

I too think you should go on the weekend away on your own. Let Dh sit and stew in his cancelled weekend away. And never ever trust her again.

Original poster
inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:16

AlltheFs · 16/10/2023 02:09

Go on the trip on your own, leave dog and DD with your husband and let him dwell on his feckless family.

Does she dislike you @inlawsruinmylife because this smacks of deliberate sabotage to be honest?

Stupid thing is no, she really doesn't dislike me! We had a bumpy start because I took some of her darling baby boy's attention from her... but pretty much from the day we got engaged she became so invested in making me part of the family and will even change dates if family events if I can't make them so we can all be there together. It's bizarre but I don't think it's deliberate sabotage tbf

OP posts:
Nevertouchakoala · 16/10/2023 02:19

Just find a dog sitter… don’t be a martyr

hellohelp · 16/10/2023 02:23

Don't cancel. You can find a dog sitter if you try hard enough. Friends to swap between them, other family members etc. you can do it. Don't miss out

Tawkabreather23 · 16/10/2023 02:32

I Wouldn’t send the baby now or ever .
Id ask her to her face what her game is and that you will not playing along , and she doesn’t get tomess you around or play with your daughters life .

You need to nip this now.

Original poster
inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:38

Nevertouchakoala · 16/10/2023 02:19

Just find a dog sitter… don’t be a martyr

MIL? Is that you? 🤣🤣

I spent most of today trying to find one. Our usual 3 options are all away or fully booked. I managed to find someone who could go in once a day to feed and walk him but it's just not enough for that length of time.

Even if I do sort something I'm so pissed off with her that I don't really feel like sending DD down there anyway. It's a 3 hour round trip to drop her off, plus the cost of whatever dog care I can sort which was not an expected expense.

Honestly leaning towards going on my own, telling everyone to do one and turning my phone off the whole time!

OP posts:
JANEY205 · 16/10/2023 02:44

Can DD come with you? Change to a dog friendly break? I’d rather do that and still get away! I’ve only had one night away from my 3 year old so I do get the feeling of needing a break but honestly going away still is a mental break from everyday life and we always have a good time! That way it’s kinda win/win for you and you don’t have to rely on MIL. Otherwise I’d take DD with me and leave DH at home with the dog honestly! That way he can be inconvenienced and will actually say something to precious Mummy.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 16/10/2023 02:51

If you’re not going away now it’s not vindictive to not send your child to MIL as it’s no longer necessary.
Surely your dh and MIL can see that.

Id look for a kennels for your dog though, assuming he/she has all the vaccines of course. Then you can go away.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 16/10/2023 03:05

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:07

DHs argument for sending her is that we've both had a really stressful time at work recently and since I've been back working we have had no time just us, so he thinks it will be good to just relax a bit even if it's just at home.

I get it, because yes I could do with a break, but I don't think I'd be able to relax and it would just make me more sad.

He's utterly furious with MIL but thinks it would be vindictive not to let her have DD and doesn't want to lower to her level. I on the other hand don't think she deserves it, but maybe I'm being a bitch 😂

If she's that unreliable, can you trust her to look after DD properly?

JockTamsonsBairns · 16/10/2023 03:49

He thinks it would be vindictive not to let her have DD, and doesn't want to lower to her level?

That's doublespeak for "I'm not standing up to challenge my mother".

Be careful, Op.

stayathomer · 16/10/2023 03:56

I voted yabu because while yes your mil can’t be trusted for this sort of thing again, of course you can find a dog sitter!!! Yes you may have to travel but just start looking! This is your honeymoon!!!! And do still send your child to her as you were going to and have your dad take her for the last day. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face for such a great opportunity of a holiday

HoppingPavlova · 16/10/2023 03:57

Don’t you have kennels that you can put your dog in for the time? Here, most people use kennels and catteries. Dog/cat sitting happens occasionally but that’s pretty much retirees who want a free holiday in a different area and will feed dog/cat while there, but mainly they go out for the day on a jolly and dogs just get a once a day walk, so kennels are preferred by most dog owners but it’s becoming more popular here for cats.

Wetblanket78 · 16/10/2023 04:55

I wouldn't waste it could you go with a friend and leave DH with DD?

margotrose · 16/10/2023 05:04

Go on your own.

GoldenSpangles · 16/10/2023 05:07

It is hard to think that this isn't deliberate sabotage. I mean she initially booked something so she could only do three days and then when you sorted that she raised the dog issue. I mean this was your special honeymoon replacement trip, she knew you were relying on her and who behaves like this at the last minute. Your husband needs to be prepared to stand up to his mother and you should have as little as possible to do with this nasty woman ever again. I'd tell your husband he should consider whether his mother might have dementia given her odd behaviour and, in the circumstances, it would be completely inappropriate to leave her in charge of your small child.

FourFourOne · 16/10/2023 05:09

I voted yabu only because it sounds like she has form for doing this, so it shouldn’t be entirely surprising!! Very annoying and I wouldn’t be relying on her ever again.

MassageForLife · 16/10/2023 05:10

Tell your husband that you are still going, and that he is welcome to join you if he can sort out something suitable for the dog.

Maybe his mother will change her mind when she hears that you are going and he might not be...

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