Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

[inlawsruinmylife]

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

It sounds to me like she's got herself worried about how she'll manage two dogs and a baby. Which is a lot even if both dogs get on and are well behaved. She's maybe overthought it all in her head and it's come out but at the worst possible timing. Could you ask for recommendations for kennels on a dog fb page near you and try to find a new one that way that is well thought of? It would be such a shame to lose the trip if its non refundable. Would they not even let you move the booking to a later date?

I guess it depends on what you want from the time even if you are at home. Do you send dd and try to make it a mini holiday with dh and do nice grown up things together, or do you take it as a family holiday now and do things as a trio.

I can see why you wouldn't want mil to have dd now, I'd be pissed and I'd feel like if I'm just at home I don't need childcare, but it might afford you a nice night out or dinner together etc? So depends on how you want to spend that time now.

Next time she asks for dd id get dh to go back to her and say no, sorry you've been too unreliable at short notice in the past but you're welcome to visit. That way you're still facilitating a relationship while holding her accountable and aren't relying on her for anything.

You're not being a b1tch at all! I would just say as we've had to cancel our trip, we don't need anyone to look after DD now...otherwise she'll still think she's doing you a favour. I would plan a nice day out for you all.

OP wasn’t expecting anything. She says MiL begged to have DD, not the other way around.

Wow, I really, sincerely hope you don’t have a dog.

@Wexone wanting to leave your baby with somebody else for days is a sure sign you shouldn’t have had one

Seriously?

You actually took the time to type that?

Don't help her out in future and I hope everything is now Sorted out.

seriously?? Read that back to yourself now and then give yourself a good talking too..shame on you

@Wexone nkt ashamed at all I’m a good Mum who actually looks after my own babies and doesn’t dump them in grandparents for days on end, like some on Mumsnet

so you literally don't step outside the door without your children with you ? you don't do anything without them with you at home? you don't go to work to hairdresers to doctors appontment dentists etc without your children with you when they go to school nursery out with their friends are you glued right beside. do you see the millions of women who work evey day with their children glued beside them ? including the newsreaders you see on TV all the way to the supermarket checkout people? you can be a good parent and still have a life. grandparents childcare etc are used and do children no harm. some women have no choice but to go out and work and get their children minded. people need to have a break away from their children sometimes for their own peace of mind and family friends etc can look after their children agreeded with no resentment. it is allowed.

@Wexone I do work and my children go to nursery, that’s very different to leaving them for 5 days straight with grandparents isn’t it.

not really 😕.

@inlawsruinmylife This MIL does a lot of turning round before she speaks, doesn't she?!

Leaving them in nursery is way worse. After all, if you are leaving them with grandparents, it is only for a few days. If you are putting them in nursery 5 days a week, 48-50 weeks a year, the majority of the rearing is being done by nursery staff. You really should be ashamed at the lack of child rearing you are doing.

Just to clarify for everyone else, I worked full-time until my eldest was 4 then part-time until my youngest, who is 5 years younger, was 14, when I went back full-time. They were in nursery until starting school. We occasionally left them with grandparents for a few days. They are now all happy, healthy and successful adults so we obviously did something right.