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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

339 replies

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 01:47

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

OP posts:
Lottie4 · 16/10/2023 08:52

Might not be your first choice, but you should easily be able to find a local kennel that has capacity this time of the year.

If not, is accommodation suitable for both of you, DB and dog? If not, I don't suppose you've got £300-400 spare to book a self catering place where you can all go. I know it's about you as a couple, but once you have DC you become a family unit and at that age, you're much more in control over what you do for the day.

Original poster
inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 08:54

So husband called MIL at the crack of dawn morning and explained we were probably going to have to cancel because she bailed on the dog. Her response was "well since she's not coming I'm going to ask the decorator to start a few days early so it'll be done by the time we get back from our holiday to limit the devastion. Since you're not going away, do you mind if we drop our dog off with you cause we don't want him in the way. Aunt will pick him up on the day we go away"
The audacity!

He thankfully told her to do one, and made it very clear she'll be below last on the list for future childcare- cue tears but idgaf. My mum's visiting us atm and she immediately offered to drive back up next week and collect DD to stay with her (she's stayed at theirs many times). She's been on the phone to my brother who's going to try and WFH on the Friday and Monday so he can stay at ours for the duration and have the dogs. Not ideal as he's a bit of an airhead but much better than some random people on fb!

The honeymoon might well go on after all! And if it doesn't I have a lovely spa break for just me on the horizon which DH has kindly agreed is the only fair outcome 😂

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 16/10/2023 08:54

Go on your own. X

Loubelle70 · 16/10/2023 08:55

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 08:54

So husband called MIL at the crack of dawn morning and explained we were probably going to have to cancel because she bailed on the dog. Her response was "well since she's not coming I'm going to ask the decorator to start a few days early so it'll be done by the time we get back from our holiday to limit the devastion. Since you're not going away, do you mind if we drop our dog off with you cause we don't want him in the way. Aunt will pick him up on the day we go away"
The audacity!

He thankfully told her to do one, and made it very clear she'll be below last on the list for future childcare- cue tears but idgaf. My mum's visiting us atm and she immediately offered to drive back up next week and collect DD to stay with her (she's stayed at theirs many times). She's been on the phone to my brother who's going to try and WFH on the Friday and Monday so he can stay at ours for the duration and have the dogs. Not ideal as he's a bit of an airhead but much better than some random people on fb!

The honeymoon might well go on after all! And if it doesn't I have a lovely spa break for just me on the horizon which DH has kindly agreed is the only fair outcome 😂

👍

Pantsinthewash · 16/10/2023 08:58

I'm speechless at your latest update! How can anyone be so self absorbed?!

Daffodilsandtuplips · 16/10/2023 08:59

I knew it, she’s done this deliberately. She’s got some nerve asking you to have her dog. I’m glad DH knocked her back.
Like I said, don’t ever use her for childcare again, she’s manipulative and her tears are crocodile tears. Enjoy your weekend.

2jacqi · 16/10/2023 09:01

I would not let her have the baby or babysit again!! she has to realise that there are repercussions to her actions!!

Twiglets1 · 16/10/2023 09:01

Sounds like your family are sorting out the problem @inlawsruinmylife so you can still go on honeymoon. Good for them.

Your husband really needs to have a big talk with his mum at some point to make her understand why her behaviour was not acceptable and the damage it has done to your ability to trust her in future.

HelloItsMeHowAreYou · 16/10/2023 09:01

Excellent outcome - thank goodness for YOUR family! And that your H has a backbone and told his mum to do one

Thedm · 16/10/2023 09:02

Wtf? I’m glad your husband told her where to go, but did he also point out what a butch she was? Did he point out that the whole reason your trip was fucked, was because she wouldn’t have her dog around your dog… and because she saw an opportunity of you being at home, she wants to send her dog up… to hang out with your dog? So, it would be too upsetting for her dog to allow you to go away but it’s absolutely fine for her dog when she wants decorating done?

I’d have had to point that out and tell her she could stay the hell away from us for the time being because I’d be so furious.

So glad your mum and brother are good to you and jumping in to help salvage this. Your MIL is a selfish cow.

MumblesParty · 16/10/2023 09:03

gerispringer · 16/10/2023 06:36

Its a big ask to look after a baby for 4 days. It’s full on feeding, changing entertaining and broken nights . Plus she’ll be missing her parents and may be upset. Plus another dog to care for in the mix. I wouldn’t want to do it, it will be exhausting. You aren’t doing your MiL some great favour here it’s the other way round. I agree she has been flaky and unreliable and shouldn’t have agreed to do this in the first place, but I think your expectations are unreasonable here.

Did you not see the bit about MIL begging to have the baby for the duration?

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 16/10/2023 09:04

The audacity!

Hell would freeze over before she had my DC alone and she could cry all she liked. It’s comedic how her dog would be too upset for yours to come for your trip but ok to come to your house to facilitate her decorating/last minute trip.

Thedm · 16/10/2023 09:05

@gerispringer

The OP said they already didn’t trust her because she has done this before, but she begged to be allowed to have the baby this time. And she has a dog who spends a lot of time with the OP’s dog; when you already have a dog and they’re friendly with the other one, it’s no issue at all to dog sit.

Iknowthis1 · 16/10/2023 09:06

Your husband must be flabbergasted seeing as he was naive enough to think that she would be disappointed if you didn't send your daughter despite cancelling the trip. His eyes should be well and truly opened now.

Over40Overdating · 16/10/2023 09:07

Oh gosh @inlawsruinmylife your MIL is quite a piece of work.

She certainly does seem to see you as part of the family - to take the piss out of. Glad your H told her where to go on the dog front.

At least you know now that she cannot be relied on and isn’t actually as nice as you think.

Prepare for incessant guilt trips once she knows your family have stepped up and she didn’t get her own way after all by ruining your trip. Be as indifferent to her upset as she has been to yours.

Owlish1003 · 16/10/2023 09:07

FlamingoQueen · 16/10/2023 06:50

Yes, definitely go on your own. And don’t ever rely upon her again. If she mentions it in the future (why can’t I have dd for the weekend) - because you massively let us down and I can’t take the risk again.

Would you honestly be so rude as to say that to someone? She’s let them down over the dog, not the baby.

silverbubbles · 16/10/2023 09:09

of course you can find a dog sitter. Go on Rover.com

Vistada · 16/10/2023 09:11

Even if it is vidictive, thats ok.

She's dicked you around good and proper.

Ragwort · 16/10/2023 09:11

Great result ... hope it all works out and you have a wonderful time away.

Edgeofthesea · 16/10/2023 09:12

Just seen the latest update - great result for you OP, but I am also shocked and appalled by your MIL! Well done to your DH for standing up to her, eff the crying, this is on her. There is no way I'd have her dog while the decorators are in though. She can figure that out by herself. After letting you down and behaving so badly, I wouldn't be helping her out in any way, and I would seriously limit contact with your DD...She isn't just unreliable, but completely self-centred and either delusional or very vindictive.

I hope you have a lovely weekend however it works out, and enjoy the time with your husband.

Graciebobcat · 16/10/2023 09:13

I'm so glad your DH and family have rallied round.

She sounds as flaky as fuck.

bonzaitree · 16/10/2023 09:14

Have a lovely weekend. Very happy your OH agreed she is a dick.

Owlish1003 · 16/10/2023 09:16

He thankfully told her to do one, and made it very clear she'll be below last on the list for future childcare- cue tears but idgaf. My mum's visiting us atm and she immediately offered to drive back up next week and collect DD to stay with her (she's stayed at theirs many times). She's been on the phone to my brother who's going to try and WFH on the Friday and Monday so he can stay at ours for the duration and have the dogs. Not ideal as he's a bit of an airhead but much better than some random people on fb!

How very convenient….

If this is real then your mil was very entitled expecting you to take her dog while she decorates, but I cannot stand this equally entitled attitude of “we are doing you a favour by allowing you to baby-sit our precious child”.

phoenixrosehere · 16/10/2023 09:17

Owlish1003 · 16/10/2023 09:07

Would you honestly be so rude as to say that to someone? She’s let them down over the dog, not the baby.

Show quote history

Considering the update, absolutely and she did beg to have the baby in the first place.

user14699084662 · 16/10/2023 09:17

Glad you’ve potentially got things sorted!

I’d suggest in future checking half term dates - that’ll probably be why no spaces for DDog! Plus… make the most of not being tied to school term dates while you can!

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