Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

[inlawsruinmylife]

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

I'm sure you can get kennels easy enough, ddog will be fine. Mine goes to one south of Leicester that I can recommend if any use

4 days is too long expect anyone to mind an 11 month old and a dog. You're not BU because your mil was insisting but it was never going to work.

Don’t give up on your trip away so easily. I would be asking other dog walkers if they have recommendations for dog sitters, something may be able to get organised at short notice.
Do you have other family or friends you could ask to look after the dog? I would be googling dog sitters even and phoning people up to discuss visits. It’s not too late!

No it’s not, particularly as MIL begged.

I'd go by myself if it's non refundable (even if just one night) and leave DH to deal with his mother.

Has he actually told her how annoyed/disappointed he is? Because if he's not then that is also a problem which might arise again.

Can you try borrowmydoggy.com
My friend who can’t have a dog permanently due to work travel, often borrows a dog for a week or so.
Might be too short notice for this time, but you could start building up some dog relationships for this time.

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However I am also in the camp that this is sabotage. She resents you and DH being together.

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If take the baby on the trip (if that is possible, if there’s flights might be a fee to name change assuming you have baby passport) and leave DH and the dog.

She knows exactly what she’s doing: sabotaging your weekend away with her precious son. The resentment that you took his attention away from her is still simmering away under the surface. She dropped a grenade into your plans when she planned her own trip but you circumnavigated that by making other arrangements so now she’s dropped an even bigger bomb with the dog.
If you do send baby to her don’t be surprised if two days in she rings and asks for her to picked up because she won’t settle.
In future don’t rely on her ever again.

People saying "oh it was too much to expect anyway, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to do it" are being twats. If she didn't want to do it, she should have said so before a honeymoon was booked.

There is no way at all that agreeing to do something then cancelling after you know expensive plans have been made isn't an arsehole thing to do. Even if it was the most unreasonable request in the world, if you say yes to it you have to honour your commitment.

I certainly wouldn't be taking baby three hours to go and stay with her when you'll be at home all weekend. I'd be either going on the trip alone and leaving dog and DD with your husband, or he can take the baby to her by himself if he wants.

What did you say to her? If someone bailed on me like that, I would say "but you agreed to this months ago and as I can't get a dogsitter at short notice, we won't be able to go away now ". Unless she is ill, this sounds very much like deliberate sabotage

It is a long time for the 11 month old, but this does seem strategic from the MIL. Don't have her responsible for DD again, at all.

Also, people saying "just put the dog in kennels" are idiots. Kennels here book up months in advance year round, and the decent ones round here expect to meet your dog and trial them in the kennel environment for a bit to check their temperament before they accept the booking.

Yes, it’s a bit unclear whether MIL knows that this has completely scuppered your plans or not.

Has she taken for granted that you’ll be able to sort alternative pet-care out easily with the people who usually have the dog when you’re away?

I’d make DH contact her and explain in very simple terms that her flakiness has meant that you’ve had to cancel a long awaited break, lost your money and his you’re both really frustrated that MiL has reneged on her offer so late in the day.

I wouldn't send Dd to your mil. If she's that last minute, she'll be faffing around getting ready for her trip.

Try and see if you can get any refund at all. Then see if you can book somewhere where you can take the dog and Dd.
It won't be the relaxing break you want but will be a change of scenery.

I would try the Facebook route-someone might take your dog. If you stay at home I wouldn’t be taking DD to her. And when she asks why, I would tell her. Your last minute bailing has ruined our honeymoon and we can no longer trust you to keep your word.

I would also never ask her again nor would I engage when she asks to have her GD. I would broken record-I’m sorry but no, you let us down last minute and we can’t take that risk. We have other plans. See you soon.

Yep, that seems a good way to go.

@HaplessRhombus exactly - it's usually impossible to get last minute slots anywhere decent. These people are basically saying, just stick your dog into anywhere you can...

Go with DD and leave DH and DDog to deal with MIL. Have fun!

That woman would next see my child over my cold and dead body. What a cunt.

Honestly leaning towards going on my own, telling everyone to do one and turning my phone off the whole time!

Do it, make it clear you’re not playing her games, might save you more grief further down the line.

My IL’s used to beg to have my kids for a w/e then I realised if my MIL got a hint we were planning to do anything whilst we were child-free for the weekend she’d cancel at the last minute (definitely vindictive). I stopped sending them. I was working during the week so my weekends with my kids were precious. If I couldn’t even take advantage to do something child-free why would I sit at home missing them.

That would absolutely be the last time I'd accept help from her, and if she asks why I'd say it's because she's unreliable. So mean.

I'd leave your DH to deal with her in future. In the meantime, yes, I think I would still try to go and leave DH with the dog.

Could you take the baby with you on the trip and put the dog in kennels. I’m so sorry she spoilt your trip. If it’s any consolation my Mum is exactly the same. It’s jealousy. If she’s not happy then nor should anyone else be. Distance yourself. Definite personality disorder. You don’t want people like that around your baby.

I hope you get to enjoy the trip with baby in tow. I think you will if it’s doable.

Sending lots of love.

♥️

Don't cancel. Just put the dog with someone else. It doesn't matter if you've used them before or not. The dog will survive and you need the break!

I voted YABU as she has bailed on you before so you had no reason to think she wouldn't this time. Never use her again and painfully point out why when she complains.

she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things.

That was reason enough not to give in to her!

Work things in the past can't be helped but deliberately booking time away?

Do you have friends who would take the dog for a day/couple of days rather than the whole time?

Stay at yours with dog?

I'd be trying to find a solution for the dog & taking daughter.

If not go alone/take a friend & leave husband with dog & daughter.

Of course it isn’t vindictive. You don’t need childcare any more because his mother has let you down. Why should you reward her by sending your DD for the days that she wants her?
Hopefully you’ve both taken note of this little episode and will never rely on her again. It sounds like deliberate sabotage of your weekend- when her trip away didn’t put you off, she pulled something else out of the bag. “Upset her dog” indeed 🙄