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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to leave the house one day a year?!

201 replies

Inittwowinit · 15/10/2023 18:52

DH and I have two children - a 2yo and a 4mo. In laws live 1.5 hours away. I have said that I want is to have Xmas Day at home, rather than at the in-laws with their extended family. I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know. It will be manic and stressful for me too.
I've said that I'm happy to visit family any other day - just not Xmas day. I get on well with my in-laws, so that's not an issue. My family live abroad so I won't be seeing them. AIBU to say that regardless of whichever far flung relatives will be present we're staying home on Xmas Day itself?

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 15/10/2023 18:54

Totally reasonable. 3 Hours travelling on Christmas day sounds fucking miserable for adults let alone young children as they get to the age where they are excited about playing with their new presents. It sounds like the perfect way to ruin the magic of the day.

Bemyclementine · 15/10/2023 18:55

YanBu at ALL. Start this tradition of stating at hone, now. I became single when my 2 dc were babies and went to family (parents) bit now it's expected and it's a bloody nightmare every year.

Khvdrt · 15/10/2023 18:56

Since having DC we’ve said we’re staying at home for Christmas; happy for people to visit but we want our DC to enjoy the day at home and future memories to be at home too. Our families understand this and either come to us ot see us around Christmas

user1471517900 · 15/10/2023 19:01

Has your DH said you have to go to his parents? The OP doesn't actually state that. I assume he's pushing for it?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/10/2023 19:03

Sorry i disagree, stay home any other day- it’s better imo to be with family on Xmas- and to be fair your husband wants to be with his family (in fact if the wife wanted to see her family and the man said no, MN would say go alone)- but id prob go up the day before and or stay the nights

Original poster
Inittwowinit · 15/10/2023 19:04

user1471517900 · 15/10/2023 19:01

Has your DH said you have to go to his parents? The OP doesn't actually state that. I assume he's pushing for it?

Yes, he's very keen. He says that some people might only be there on Xmas Day. I figure that they'll be there either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day at least, or if not then they aren't fussed on seeing us anyway so I'm still not prepared to go!

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 15/10/2023 19:06

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/10/2023 19:03

Sorry i disagree, stay home any other day- it’s better imo to be with family on Xmas- and to be fair your husband wants to be with his family (in fact if the wife wanted to see her family and the man said no, MN would say go alone)- but id prob go up the day before and or stay the nights

He will be with his family - wife and children !

Whaleandsnail6 · 15/10/2023 19:06

Unreasonable if your husband wants to go. I think if he does, you need to compromise and go every other year.

My family live 60 miles away and I love going for Christmas. The kids always love it too. But we do stay over to avoid traveling on actual Christmas day.

Millybob · 15/10/2023 19:06

Heavens no, my bum would be glued to my own sofa. Can't understand all this trundling around just to see people on 25th. You've got your own family now. Enjoy them.

lifeofsty · 15/10/2023 19:06

Totally reasonable. We have stayed home for the past 7 years and it's so much better for the kids. We say every year that everyone is welcome if they want to travel to us but they don't - we do a separate Christmas Day the day after Boxing Day with my family where we go back to Scotland to be with them.

Might be an unpopular opinion but I think it's not great to travel with young kids too far on Christmas Day. We used to stop by at least three houses when I was little and I just wanted to sit under the Christmas tree at home playing with my toys.

supadupapupascupa · 15/10/2023 19:12

Kids need to be at home where possible. They've just opened their gifts and should be left to play!
We refused to move and invited anyone who wanted to come.
Actually we've moved Xmas dinner now to Xmas eve and it's heaven

Hemera2023 · 15/10/2023 19:15

I agree OP, it’s much nicer to have Christmas Day at home when you have young children. After a couple of pretty stressful Christmases at other people’s houses when we had babies and toddlers, we made the decision to be at home, and visited family on Christmas Eve / Boxing Day.

For those saying ‘go the night before’ that just adds to the stress, as you have to pack up their overnight stuff as well as all their presents. Plus I wanted my children to wake up to their stockings hanging in their own house.

It was such a relief once we made this decision - we offered others to come to us and the in-laws usually did, then we saw the rest of the family on other days. It was also nicer spreading the visits out a bit rather than trying to see everyone in one go. We’ve had a happy few stress-free Christmases.

Now the DCs are older they don’t mind so much travelling to visit people.

Ffsmakeitstop · 15/10/2023 19:15

I've never understood the obsession with Seeing people on a particular day. Poor kids having to leave their gifts to be carted about and displayed to folk that don't see them any other time. Anyway yanbu to start your own traditions.

givemeasunnyday · 15/10/2023 19:16

Mylovelygreendress · 15/10/2023 19:06

He will be with his family - wife and children !

Show quote history

Christmas is not supposed to be about "my little family", it's supposed to be a day of getting together with wider family/friends and enjoying time together. In MN world one minute there is all this casual disregard for family, the next minute posters are whining that their family don't do enough for them! Selfish.

Mylovelygreendress · 15/10/2023 19:18

givemeasunnyday · 15/10/2023 19:16

Christmas is not supposed to be about "my little family", it's supposed to be a day of getting together with wider family/friends and enjoying time together. In MN world one minute there is all this casual disregard for family, the next minute posters are whining that their family don't do enough for them! Selfish.

Show quote history

Well that’s your opinion which you are perfectly entitled to however I don’t think it’s a rule that you have to spend it with wider family .

YourNameGoesHere · 15/10/2023 19:20

givemeasunnyday · 15/10/2023 19:16

Christmas is not supposed to be about "my little family", it's supposed to be a day of getting together with wider family/friends and enjoying time together. In MN world one minute there is all this casual disregard for family, the next minute posters are whining that their family don't do enough for them! Selfish.

Show quote history

Then his wider family can come to his house for the day. Funnily enough that's never an option such relatives take, they somehow always expect the small people to sacrifice time spent playing with their new toys so they can trek to see them whilst they don't have to leave the house. Hmm

Hemera2023 · 15/10/2023 19:20

Yes but Christmas doesn’t just have to be the 25th December. Why not see family on the other days?

INeedAnotherName · 15/10/2023 19:21

I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know.

I refused to drive 30 minutes to people my DD loved and adored on Christmas Day just because I didn't want to part her from her presents so YANBU. I got guilt tripped every year but we built out own little Christmas traditions. Refuse to give in OP, especially because I think you will end up as the designated driver. Two very overtired toddlers and a drunk husband stuck inside a car and driving in the dark for 2 hours. #nothankyou.

sleepyscientist · 15/10/2023 19:21

We family on Christmas Day with Santa presents you can take with you and do family presents on Boxing Day?

avocadotofu · 15/10/2023 19:22

Sounds very reasonable and understandable to me.

Original poster
Inittwowinit · 15/10/2023 19:22

Yes, I've said any and all are welcome to come to us. The idea of packing everything up, trying to find dog boarding for the dogs and then a crap night's sleep in addition to a Christmas Day where the focus isn't on helping put batteries in toys sounds even worse so definitely not staying over!

OP posts:
bonzaitree · 15/10/2023 19:22

Three hours is a long way. I’d say no but do something another day with them.

Or could they come three hours to you?

strawberry2017 · 15/10/2023 19:23

If they were bothered about seeing you then it wouldn't be a once a year thing.
Christmas at home for the foreseeable. If you want to visit family on other days then fine but Christmas needs to be for you, your husband and children.

Cheeesus · 15/10/2023 19:24

I think it’s about giving your children the best day you can, within reason.

MrsKwazi · 15/10/2023 19:28

Christmas is for kids and they take
priority. Boxing day is for seeing family. Or they can travel to you. Surely no
loving grandparent can argue that young children should travel far and/or be away from their presents. I also
found with my mum/MIL that they were
more about the food and social side of things, as opposed to the ‘magic’ of Christmas, they had a been there done that view, so if I wanted if special for my kids, I had to do it at my (their!) home. Start your own traditions with your own family. I would be v peeved with my husband if that was his attitude and ask him what his priorities are!!