To not want to leave the house one day a year?!

[Inittwowinit]

DH and I have two children - a 2yo and a 4mo. In laws live 1.5 hours away. I have said that I want is to have Xmas Day at home, rather than at the in-laws with their extended family. I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know. It will be manic and stressful for me too.
I've said that I'm happy to visit family any other day - just not Xmas day. I get on well with my in-laws, so that's not an issue. My family live abroad so I won't be seeing them. AIBU to say that regardless of whichever far flung relatives will be present we're staying home on Xmas Day itself?

Yes Christmas at home when you have kids

Personally I think Christmas is more about family (which is not just someone's spouse and children) than presents.

Having said that, you say that you've invited all the relatives involved to come to yours on Xmas day instead? If that is accurate then YANBU at all unless there's some backstory about why it would be more difficult for some of the other family members to come to yours than the other way around e.g. severe disability or something. As the travel is a lot with two little ones, I do understand that. I'd definitely not do it in one day personally.

Why would it be dragging children away from their new presents? Why wouldn’t you take the presents to be opened there? Or do you do this thing where Santa brings all the presents rather then a stocking full of smaller things?

If you start a new tradition of staying at home for Christmas, then will you still feel happy when your adult DC stay at home with their little family (and don’t invite you)?

Yes YABU
if it was just about staying home "one day of the year" do that on boxing day or any other day.

although I have friends that stay home on Xmas day, Xmas day for me is all about seeing family, and it's just more fun with more people.
It's no more stressful visiting on Xmas day than any other.

We spent every year of my childhood at my Nans house. It was tradition and we didn't mind not being at home. And she made the best roasties 😜

They have invited his family though... Or did you deliberately miss that small important point out of your imaginary scenario.

Honestly why is it always the kids that are expected to make the trip.

I think the opposite tbh, at that age it’s fine to be away as the kids don’t notice but as they get older they care more about being at home.
I would show willing and do it now personally then put your foot down when they’re older.

im often working on Christmas Day though so my opinion might be a bit different. As long as we celebrate at some point and I see my kids on Christmas morning for present opening I’m pretty flexible.

We always stayed at home and hosted IL. Then to my parents who live an hour away for a second big family Christmas Day on Boxing Day.

Tbh it was much more relaxing going to my parents than hosting my (very lovely) IL with tiny DC!

OP has invited her children's grandparents.

If my DC invite me for Christmas if/when they have children, I'd be very glad. If, on the other hand, they were proposing to put my small grandchildren in the car for 3 hours in order to visit me, I'd tell them to stay at home and have a lovely time and see me on another day. Christmas in the car is absolutely not what I would want for my grandchildren. I would want them to be in their own homes, being excited about Father Christmas.

If your partner moved away from his home area then some inconvenience comes with that if you want to foster family relationships. It is hard but I think you have to compromise,one year there,one year at home. My best memories are of big family christmas days as a child.

I did it for 2 years and them put my foot down. I love out stay at home Christmas days. Be firm with your decision. Make your own traditions in your own home without all that flaff.

Growing up we took it in turns, one year 2GPs, cousin, aunt and uncle would come to us, next year we’d go to them. All presents were taken to host house for a huge present opening, rest of the day we’d play party games,
highlight of the year, not often we got 8 people together.

Admittedly only a half hour drive, we wouldn’t have done a three hour drive. 6 hours driving in a day was too much. So we were lucky to have family close. Much more of a special day than just me and parents

I should add that we have always had our big family celebration on Christmas Eve, so my kids had the whole massive party with cousins. We just didn’t want a repeat on Christmas Day with a different branch of the family.

No get togethers here on Boxing Day as everyone back to work unfortunately.

Thanks all. Will speak to DH about it again and ensure everyone knows that it's not an empty offer of an invite, and stand firm. If they come that would be lovely, and if not that will also be lovely! We're in this area for DH's work - my parents live abroad so I'll see them before/after the Xmas period when flights are less chaotic.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, as you have offered them the day at yours. They can't complain about doing the trip, when they expected you to do it with a toddler and a baby as well!

My friend has only just stopped travelling on Christmas Day, she’s the only driver. She was so happy last year to have a glass of wine with her Christmas dinner.
We stopped going to in-laws (4 hours away) at Christmas when DD got aware of what was going on. No way was i trying to hide presents in
the car.
I find these get togethers work much better inbetween Christmas and new year. Much more relaxed.

I used to travel with my dcs when they were young to spend Xmas day with my parents, and extended family. An hour there and back. It used to be crazy. 15 of us in a small semi squeezed round a table. But we had lots of fun. Now my dcs are adults, they say they remember those days and loved being with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc, and remember those times more than actually opening and playing with presents. That’s why i love Xmas day as it’s probably one of those rare occasions when you all get together and just enjoy the company and the joy of it all. Xmas day isn’t just about the present opening and playing with toys, but about the whole Xmas day experience.

The Christmas season is about seeing family. But Christmas day is for kids imo.

Also, can you imagine how many drunk drivers there will be on the roads on Christmas Day? Nope not with kids in the car. Especially young kids.

I'd rather be called paranoid than have that happen

We used to pack three kids up every year on Christmas morning and drive to my mums. We’d take all the presents with us too. Honestly it was absolute chaos. Our eldest is disabled too. We’d rush around in the morning, pack the car, drive to mums. Have a chaotic day and never eat until 6, then pack 3 tired kids and all the presents back into the car and come home. One Christmas we just said that’s enough now and we decided to stay home for Christmas. Such a different Christmas and so much more relaxed.

We do not do any driving or visiting on Xmas day itself. I’ve seeing everyone else on Boxing Day, new year etc and it’s a very family oriented period. Xmas eve is often just a bit stressful - yours are at the age where you might be building a kitchen etc. most years we’ve been in bed past midnight getting stuff ready. I’m not sodding about doing that at other people’s houses or spending time in the car. Xmas day for us is about the children and seeing them happy but also about breathing a sigh of relief that Santa has successfully been.

Surely it depends on each person’s circumstances though. It could also be considered ‘bloody cruel’, if, for example, an elderly relative was overlooked and was lonely, simply because the kid’s needs and wants were always paramount and they should never be expected to sacrifice anything for anyone else. Obviously circumstances, and the people involved, will vary all the time, and it would be nice to think there was compromise, and taking in everyone’s needs as far as possible, rather than this default attitude, which now seems to be ‘protecting my bubble and my special day’.

We went to my DF last year, DCs have asked to be at home this year, we said yes and have used them as a handy excuse this year. So much more relaxes even if my DF comes himself!

Why would you travel on Christmas Day? That's a very odd idea to me. But so is not travelling at all. We sometimes do Christmas at ours, sometimes at my parents' sometimes at PIL's. Sometimes hosting any of them and sometimes my brother and his family.

Nobody is precious about being in theor home but nobody would travel on the day day not stay over 3-4 days.

The rigidity of it is what causes the issues. Whether that's saying we will always be at home or always somewhere else. Mix it up and chill out.

A 4 month baby is tiny. Op yanbu.

When my dd was 4mo, at Christmas time, it was lockdown and we weren't allowed to drive across the country and I was so relieved. Then when she was 1y4mo they did that regional lockdown thing, ditto. That then set a bit of a precedent of us choosing whether we want to go. I'm absolutely not going with baby ds until he's 2yo. He's due in December.

Driving long distances with a baby or young toddler is so hard. Dd used to just scream constantly and you can't just pick them out of the car seat for a breastfeed if you're moving. She'd also vomit continually and/or fill her nappy. So we'd have to stop once an hour or more often, making a 4h journey more like 6h, with Christmas motorway traffic on top (M1). It is an absolute nightmare.