To not want to leave the house one day a year?!

[Inittwowinit]

DH and I have two children - a 2yo and a 4mo. In laws live 1.5 hours away. I have said that I want is to have Xmas Day at home, rather than at the in-laws with their extended family. I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know. It will be manic and stressful for me too.
I've said that I'm happy to visit family any other day - just not Xmas day. I get on well with my in-laws, so that's not an issue. My family live abroad so I won't be seeing them. AIBU to say that regardless of whichever far flung relatives will be present we're staying home on Xmas Day itself?

I used to love going to all my aunty and uncle's houses on Christmas day. It was lovely seeing what my cousins had received and there was always a lovely atmosphere. Most of my cousins are close in age to me and my brother. They all lived within a few miles of us so it didn't mean hours of travelling.

Me too! We're all in our 50s now but loved seeing my cousins on Christmas day.

We are all going to my parents this year who live a 10 minute walk from us. Dd2 and her dh have decided to have alternative Christmases with us and dh's parents. Their ds is 18 months so he'll be interested in everything. They don't live far - about 20 miles away but normally come down the day before. Dd1 is a doctor and normally stays with us if she's not working and her dh is. They live over 100 miles away but he's Muslim so to him Christmas is just a family get together. They are expecting their first child so things might change. I still have 2dc at home and they love seeing their siblings and playing lots of board games. My parents are in their 80s so when it gets too much we'll probably go to dd2's house as it's much bigger than ours. Family is important to us and I can't imagine Christmas not being hustle and bustle.

We used to spend 3 nights every year starting Christmas Eve in our family’s local travelodge. cost a fortune, and even more when adding in pet boarding. Covid put a stop to that and we’ve had kids since and once we had kids we don’t travel for Christmas. My bil usually joins us, this year we live closer to family so are hosting my in laws but dh and bil do all the cooking and the other in laws will entertain the kids, and I am going to have a nice glass of wine.

I digressed though. What I meant to say is - I don’t blame you! I wasn’t dragged around houses when I was small and my memories of Christmas are magical. I want my kids to have the same.

It's our DD first Christmas this year and we've told both sides that we will be spending Christmas at home and that they are welcome to visit us if they wish for a cuppa and a mince pie. Pre DD we had my parents on Christmas day and DH parents on Boxing Day.

After years of trying to visit everyone in a large family each year… as soon as we had DC Christmas Day became our time at home - with anyone welcome.

I have zero regrets

I remember being dragged around Christmas Day to see everyone. One year my mum said no, if you want to see us Christmas Day you know where we are. I now do the same. Christmas is a lot more enjoyable.

Totally agree. I’m in the same predicament and I’ve refused. My in-laws think we should alternate Christmas so one year with them and one with my family but popping 15 minutes down the road for dinner is very different to a 2 hours journey. That’s not how to spend Christmas.

My DS refused to take his PJ’s off until Boxing Day, he was about 5 when it started and we realised it was a protest at having to leave home and his news toys on Xmas Day. So we don’t travel for Xmas Day and for a few years only let family come to us from Boxing Day. It was lovely.

You are 100% right and I applaud you for realizing this early on that you should have a say in what you do on Christmas Day. I spent many years trying to please extended family and inlaws, going to both sides of family on the same day because they expected it and demanded it, and I and my little family not having any time at home.

This is perfect!

Your DS sounds like he's going to be a very smart individual! Some of the people pleasers on MN could do well to take a leaf out of his book.

Xmas plans cropped up (brought up by SIL while with PIL) - I said that I was keen to not travel loads on Xmas day. They said they totally understood. Reiterated that everyone was welcome at ours. No further comment from DH yet other than he would have preferred to have laid out our plans by text (which I was fine with)

Made sure to say "I" not "we" - I'm happy for any push back to be in my direction. But so far there is none.

If they are not willing to come to yours then they clearly aren’t arsed about seeing you guys for Christmas 😂 I have 4 kids, 3 of them being 5 and under. If anyone wants to see us on Christmas Day then they can come to us at the prearranged time. I have a limited number of Christmas’ with my children whilst they are young and still believe in Santa. I will not be disrupting the magic for anyone! In laws had their magic Christmas’ when their children were young so it is mine and their dads turn to have magical Christmas’ with our children 🎅🏻

Well said

Not all 2-year-olds who don't understand presents or the excitement are strange! Children develop at different rates and have different needs. This is pretty offensive really. My 3.5-year-old grandson is autistic and it is meaningless to him and totally overwhelming, he has no concept of presents really - this doesn't make him strange it makes him, him!

Absolutely not unreasonable. Little ones don’t need carting about on a day that really is magical for them. And with a tiny baby? No way! Let people drive 1.5 hours to see you or have it on a different day. My stepdaughter always comes Xmas morning, but there is a cut off time for her to leave as she’s often late and I won’t change things just because she can’t get her arse in gear. My stepson we see on another day, and it’s perfectly fine. So much less stress

I have told my now-teens from a young age that when they are grown ups they can do exactly what they want at Christmas with no guilt or expectation and I mean it.

I did this for six years.
The worst part was I was the only one who drove.
i finally laid the law down finally a few years back, it’s been brilliant.

I can see both sides however if the children don’t know them very well then Christmas is the ideal time for family’s to spend together . Not everyone is off on Christmas Eve or boxing so Christmas Day is the most appropriate. My memories are full of extended families cousins etc and lots of people and toys .

Since we had DC 23 years ago, we have spent every single Christmas day at home. We really can't be arsed to travel anywhere. Enough days in the year to see family and friends!

Given your youngest is only a few months old, I don't blame you! All the paraphernalia needed, and you'll probably need to stop off to change a nappy, when all you want is some down time, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I was totally exhausted when mine were little, and the thought of having to make polite conversation just boiled my brain. Tbf my 'd'h is totally shite at conversation, he'd go and visit his dm, and would fall asleep in the chair after lunch, which was of course totally acceptable for him, as poor love was working long hours, however if I dared to snooze, well I was clearly a rude strumpet!

We've stayed at home since we had DC. No way were we driving over 3 hours each way and having to take them away from their toys and parents agreed it would be too painful. They come to us for a couple of days instead.

Of course you aren't.
We have 3 yo and 1 yo and since they've been around we've always had Christmas at home.

This year we are staying with my family abroad, but will be there for 10 days so will essentially still be 'staying at home'

We have always made it known family are welcome to visit at ours, but other family or in laws never have.

Ours are currently the only children on both sides