To not want to leave the house one day a year?!

[Inittwowinit]

DH and I have two children - a 2yo and a 4mo. In laws live 1.5 hours away. I have said that I want is to have Xmas Day at home, rather than at the in-laws with their extended family. I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know. It will be manic and stressful for me too.
I've said that I'm happy to visit family any other day - just not Xmas day. I get on well with my in-laws, so that's not an issue. My family live abroad so I won't be seeing them. AIBU to say that regardless of whichever far flung relatives will be present we're staying home on Xmas Day itself?

Yes OP don’t you know the family you procreated don’t mean anything at Christmas!

Oh and yea, even though your extended family don’t want to travel, YOU’RE the selfish one for wanting to do … exactly the same, but with small excited children in tow.

OP you silly goose.

Yep I suspected as much. As I said it's funny how these relatives never put themselves out and yet they expect the smallest members who in your instance are just getting into Christmas should spend a not so insignificant amount of time trekking to see them most likely only to be ignored after they've got some loving family photos.

Spend it wherever you want. I wouldn't bother with presents at that age though. The kids won't get anything out of them.

A two year old absolutely understands and gets excited about the idea and reality of presents..?

You must have had strange 2 year olds. Mine was definitely excited by presents at 2.

This, absolutely.

I’m with you OP. 3 hours of driving is no fun for little ones on Christmas Day. We usually swap between in laws for Christmas dinner (each about 45 mins away) but we don’t stay over because of the dog so it ends up being a lot of driving. DS2’s first Christmas this year so I’ve said I’m going nowhere. DC can open their presents in the morning and spend the day playing with them and being together the four of us. I’m hosting a Boxing Day buffet for all our family (about 15 people coming) so we’ll see them then.

Ok so why don't these relatives make the effort to come to the OP? Why must it be her and her DH dragging their small children 3 hours on Christmas day?

It never works both ways somehow does it...

My parents always said that from when we were little. They were happy to host anyone that wanted to come (which nearly always ended up being both sets of grandparents) but they wouldn't travel with kids.

We live a short drive from my parents so our tradition has been wake up at home do stockings, then drive there for lunch, stay one or two nights. No way would I be driving for hours on Christmas day withor without kids.

Definitely not U. I can understand if you didn't have children, but once you have your own little family you make your own traditions and enjoy that day however you want to with your children. Growing up we always visited extended family on Boxing Day or stayed a few nights during the week between Xmas and NY, I don't think any of our relatives went visiting each other on Xmas day itself as that's the day to spend at home with your own family.

Honestly I think your DH should get his choice of Christmas every other year. So if he wants to spend it with wider family you should support that. You get to choose to stay at home the following year.

I hate that " own little family" saying. It always sounds as though you have no other family and no one else had to be taken into consideration.
Not that I think you are unreasonable. Its a long time to spend in a car on Christmas day. What is unfair is sticking to a rule for years without flexibility. Big family Christmas days can be excellent fun.

We said exactly the same once we had DC. We are always happy to host, the more the merrier.

Christmas is not supposed to be about "my little family", it's supposed to be a day of getting together with wider family/friends and enjoying time together. In MN world one minute there is all this casual disregard for family, the next minute posters are whining that their family don't do enough for them! Selfish.

OP’s hardly disregarding them - she’s said that they’re more than welcome to come to her house. And also that she’s happy to travel to them any other day. She just doesn’t want to travel for 3 hours on Christmas Day.

Big family Christmases are great fun - if you're not the one flogging around for three hours in a car with a toddler and a baby.

Stand firm, OP. Don't do it.

I think some of the people who say that "extended faaaaamily is wot matters" can only say this because they live round the corner from their parents, ILs, cousins, siblings etc.

You don't have to stick to the same thing every year, either. While your children are young, it would make more sense for you to host. When they're older, they might enjoy staying with family. Or you might go away somewhere else altogether. Doing something for one Christmas doesn't condemn you to do it for every Christmas until you die.

YANBU

I never dragged my children out to do visits Christmas Day. Certainly not all that hideous travelling. You can see ILS other days.

Stand your ground.

I always think Xmas day should be spent relaxing at home and then Boxing Day should be the busy day, seeing extended family.

So YANBU but if lots of the family travel to the PIL for just Xmas day, then it’s understandable why he’d want to go and see them all.

Why not go and see his side of the family on Xmas day and then have a relaxed Boxing Day?

When do you see your side of the family?

I think you're being reasonable. I have PNA so my view could be skewed. But sounds like your baby will still be very little and all the advice I've received so far is to do what makes you comfortable. And it's flu season and RSV season and combined with a large family gathering indoors, I feel like that's all good reason to spend Christmas at home (my family don't respect my boundaries at all.. when my baby was 4 days old my uncle had gastro COVID and kissed my baby on the face 😠)

I agree with this to a certain extent, though it is obviously a minority opinion!
I do feel that generally people have become very self-focused, and the number one priority has become about having the ‘perfect day’ and not other people. Kids seem to have become the absolute priority in this, which seems to mark a change. I was taught as a child that I needed to respect older relatives at Christmas, and on their birthdays, and this usually involved visiting them. Yet I don’t feel I was hard done by or overlooked. I just accepted that this was part of what Christmas was about. As I say, I’m sure this is a really unpopular view point now.

sorry, posted in wrong place.

I wouldn't be travelling 3 hours on Christmas Day. Go Christmas Eve and leave on the 27th (assuming they'll have you). Then you get a good two full days. Much more relaxing.

I agree with this to a certain extent, though it is obviously a minority opinion!
I do feel that generally people have become very self-focused, and the number one priority has become about having the ‘perfect day’ and not other people. Kids seem to have become the absolute priority in this, which seems to mark a change. I was taught as a child that I needed to respect older relatives at Christmas, and on their birthdays, and this usually involved visiting them. Yet I don’t feel I was hard done by or overlooked. I just accepted that this was part of what Christmas was about. As I say, I’m sure this is a really unpopular view point now.

Stay at home. I never understand how people can give children their Christmas presents then drag them away from their new toys. Bloody cruel.

We made this rule when DD was 18m and DS 3.5. DH hated going visiting. 28 years later we have never left the house on Christmas Day. Best decision ever.

Make this a rule now and stay firm.

I'd do year and year about.

Your in-laws family are strangers for now because your kids are so young and their lives are narrow. Our family live a similar distance away and my kids love seeing extended family at Christmas.

Also ignore the 1.5 hours travelling in your thinking - that's much less time than you'd spend shopping, cooking and clearing up Christmas lunch. It's actually much much easier.

Ps. Can you not stay the night and split the travelling so at least you could both have a glass of wine?