To not want to leave the house one day a year?!

[Inittwowinit]

DH and I have two children - a 2yo and a 4mo. In laws live 1.5 hours away. I have said that I want is to have Xmas Day at home, rather than at the in-laws with their extended family. I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know. It will be manic and stressful for me too.
I've said that I'm happy to visit family any other day - just not Xmas day. I get on well with my in-laws, so that's not an issue. My family live abroad so I won't be seeing them. AIBU to say that regardless of whichever far flung relatives will be present we're staying home on Xmas Day itself?

I think if it’s something your DH wants to do, then the obvious compromise is every other year.

Who looks back at their childhood and thinks about presents they got? don’t remember any of the Christmas presents I received as a child. I do remember having a brilliant time with my cousins and extended family. Isn’t that what Christmas is about?

I do!! I remember getting a tricycle and huge teddy bear when I was 3. I still have the bear, and the walking talking doll I got when I was 4. I also remember getting a white bookcase and a Skipper doll when I was a bit older, and I got a desk and stool the Christmas I was 11....

I do! I vividly remember a red handbag I got from my Aunty when I was four. And a dolls carry cot. And specific books.

I know these are all things I got before I was seven as I was living in our old town and we moved when I was seven.

Since having children, we stay at home. We have often hosted, but I’m not leaving my home.

We inevitably go to the in-laws in Boxing day. That is the compromise that I make to get my Christmas at home. (My family are all dead).

@Inittwowinit Tell husband to take the kids to his parents for the day & you put your feet up at home 😂
Win win 😝

I loved big family Christmases as a child, but we visited and stayed over or had others stay with us, or went to family who were a short walk away. And even that’s not for everyone. 3 hours of travel sounds pretty miserable even if you like the gathering and plenty of people don’t.

I get why you don't want to travel this year, with a four month old and a toddler, all that traveling would be hard work in one day. But I wouldn't be too rigid about it going forwards. My young ones have a lot of fun with their cousins these days. They travel better as they get older. My best Christmas memories as a child were with extended family.

I wouldn't travel that long on Christmas day to see family. By the time we all get up, open presents and watch my daughter with her new toys it's time for me to start cooking the dinner. Afterwards we're too tired and stuffed to do much apart from watching Christmas TV.
Growing up we always spent boxing day with my grandparents. We always had leftover turkey, stuffing, homemade chips and that beetroot from a jar. (It was the only thing that give my nannas turkey any moisture 😂)

My in-laws expect this. 5 hour round trip - won’t travel here though. No thanks.

My GP used to have the family Christmas the week before. It was amazing. We still got to have presents for the actual day but we'd have a small present off the tree, and a Christmas tea. Lunch would usually be more like buffet type food which meant we could eat what we liked and not eat what we didn't.

We did this for our eldest DC first Christmas and I said never again. We have Christmas day at our own house and love it. Everyone is invited to come. In laws don't usually as they have a big family, but we still ask. My parents come to us. Everybody understands that we want to stay home and enjoy the day with the kids. When our DCs are all older teenagers, we might feel differently, but for now we love Christmas at home. We do visits between Christmas day and new year.

Perhaps you can compromise. Another day one year, Christmas Day the next.

So it was ok when they were supporting your needs?

Also the weather can be crap for a 3 hour trip.

Every year we used to go to my family's in the morning and then my partners for dinner untill late , then back the next day for boxing day , I had enough it was 8 year old twins a 4 Yr old and new born and twins bday is xmas even and my middle child's bday is the 28th dec so would be a week of craziness , so one year I just said no , kids arw getting older and it's not fair they open their presents then travel half the day then at PILs house so many people u can't sit down even tk eat the food wohld be cold , by time we got home , everyone was stressed. Out then would spent time getting ready for sons bday and twins hadn't had a chance to even play with bday presents let alone Xmas, so we changed it all for first couple years we changed to going just boxing day and now its if anyone wants to see us or kids they know where we are or we meet on the 28th for sons bday(now 12) and week b4 for twins who are 16 right now ,
It wasn't fair and ended up so stressful , it's do much more relaxed and less arguments over who's family we are seeing and for how long etc ,
Just say no DC is old enough to enjoy Xmas u want her ro not be traveling all day and baby is still very young to spend all day in a car x

I guess it depends what you value. For me the idea of not spending a day of celebration with the family that love us having a beautiful meal and making memories in our larger family, just so kids can spend time with objects at home instead, is not a choice I would make. But it's clear many on Mumsnet would and do feel comfortable with those priorities and see them as the right way round.

I don't celebrate Christmas mind you- but the idea of putting presents above family on Eid is unimaginable to me.

Well put. I just don’t understand the mentality of some posters - like isn’t Christmas all about being together

But you are also assuming that Christmas at other peoples houses is fun. I’m sure I’m not alone at spending many miserable Christmas’s at my in laws, I’m glad DD is too small to remember.

This year I’ve told my DP we are staying at home. He’s happy about it. We’ve got a 2 yo and I’ve always run about to other people on Xmas day, including last year and 2021 when he was a newborn. We will probably go see relatives Boxing Day or the day after but we have decided Xmas day is just for us. YANBU

Definitely not unreasonable, exactly for the reason you said when you have children, we see our son and his family a couple of days after Christmas when the excitement has eased a bit, I think it’s lovely for them to have Christmas as their own family unit just as we did when our children were young, stand your ground if that’s what you want to do.

As soon as we had kids we said we’re not dragging them around to visit relatives on Christmas Day ( none of them live close by ) but I always say that anyone who wants to come to us are welcome 😊. Some years people come and some they don’t, but we stay put.

But it isn’t always lovely memories made spending time with extended family at Christmas. Sometimes it’s stressful and totally not relaxing 🤷‍♀️

• that was meant for the pp that think it dreadful to not want to spend the day with extended family.

Goodness all these expectations. No wonder Christmas can be stressful. We have done all sorts over the years. Alternated driving hundreds of miles to visit family when our kids were small until we said they had to come to us or we would visit earlier in December or early January. Now our kids are adults we either spend it with my DD2s family luckily in same town as us or at home with DD1 who travels to us as she is alone. Extended family are welcome but they have to travel as we no longer drive distances over Christmas.

I always found alternating between parents house's a PITA tbh once we had kids as my DP lived 140 miles away. Our DC preferred waking up in their own beds to open stockings etc. However my DP are now both dead so it puts a new slant on Christmas and makes me realise I'm glad we trekked all that way when they were little tbh. Even though it was a bit stressful at times. But I agree - it doesn't have to be on 25th. Any day over the Christmas break is good enough to celebrate with wider family.