Page 4 | To not want to leave the house one day a year?!

Inittwowinit · 2023-10-15T17:52:36+00:00

DH and I have two children - a 2yo and a 4mo. In laws live 1.5 hours away. I have said that I want is to have Xmas Day at home, rather than at the in-laws with their extended family. I don't want to be dragging our two year old away from exciting new presents to stick him in a car for three hours to see many people he doesn't really know. It will be manic and stressful for me too. I've said that I'm happy to visit family any other day - just not Xmas day. I get on well with my in-laws, so that's not an issue. My family live abroad so I won't be seeing them. AIBU to say that regardless of whichever far flung relatives will be present we're staying home on Xmas Day itself?

Hibiscrubbed · 15/10/2023 20:54

OneCup · 15/10/2023 19:32

Spend it wherever you want. I wouldn't bother with presents at that age though. The kids won't get anything out of them.

Jesus, your poor kids. 😵‍💫

Bonbon21 · 15/10/2023 20:55

Time to make memories and start traditions for YOUR family... the kids should be playing with the presents from Santa at home, making mess and loving every minute of it!!
Start as you mean to go on.

girlfriend44 · 15/10/2023 20:57

Agree, we never stayed home Xmas day as kids. Boxing Day we spent at home. Never hurt us.

Just another reason why we should all forget Christmas too. All this upset and it all centres round presents all the time.

Why the hell do people keep needing gifts all the time. Madness.

Brainwashing.

JudgeJ · 15/10/2023 20:59

Mylovelygreendress · 15/10/2023 19:06

He will be with his family - wife and children !

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If a man were to say that he and their children were a woman's only family there would be ructions, such is the hypocrisy of MN!

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/10/2023 21:00

I hate the emotional bullshit people pull, not just family, its on this thread too!

"Oh but Xmas is all about family!"

Yes it is, and part of being in a family is understanding that their circumstances may mean that they cant always do what you want them to do. Ime (had this with former inlaws) when they say "But its all about family or dont you care about that?!" what they mean is "I want to do what I want and I want you to do what I want. I dont care what you want." Their caring about family only seems to extend to their own four walls, they dont seem to care enough about family to make the journey themselves or to put themselves out in anyway.

When they say "Christmas is about family" they mean "Christmas is all about me"

saffronsoup · 15/10/2023 21:03

Chrsitmas is the one day a year that my whole family gets together. For me, Christmas isn't really about gifts and trees - a meal with family is far more important. If my husband told me he was putting his foot down and we are staying home on Christmas - that wouldn't go over well. With little kids, you can do gifts the day before.

If neither of you care about seeing family on the holidays then great. But you can't tell your husband he can't go and spend time with his family on Christmas if that is important to him.

YourNameGoesHere · 15/10/2023 21:04

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/10/2023 21:00

I hate the emotional bullshit people pull, not just family, its on this thread too!

"Oh but Xmas is all about family!"

Yes it is, and part of being in a family is understanding that their circumstances may mean that they cant always do what you want them to do. Ime (had this with former inlaws) when they say "But its all about family or dont you care about that?!" what they mean is "I want to do what I want and I want you to do what I want. I dont care what you want." Their caring about family only seems to extend to their own four walls, they dont seem to care enough about family to make the journey themselves or to put themselves out in anyway.

When they say "Christmas is about family" they mean "Christmas is all about me"

Exactly!

They have the offer to come to the OP and yet i suspect will find any and all excuses not to do so because they don't want to spend 3 hours of their day traveling and yet this is apparently a perfectly reasonable thing for the parents of 2 small children to do.

Honestly they are little for such a few short years, if you can't have those few years doing Christmas the way you want then when can you?

NerdyIsMyMiddleName · 15/10/2023 21:05

Unfortunately (fortunately) I live in London and never passed my driving test, so we can't go anywhere on Christmas Day or Boxing Day as there's no trains.

If anyone wants to come and visit us, they're welcome (they all drive), but no-one seems to do that, so we have a nice chilled Christmas and then go up to visit extended family once the trains are working again on the 27th 😉

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/10/2023 21:06

givemeasunnyday · 15/10/2023 19:16

Christmas is not supposed to be about "my little family", it's supposed to be a day of getting together with wider family/friends and enjoying time together. In MN world one minute there is all this casual disregard for family, the next minute posters are whining that their family don't do enough for them! Selfish.

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Actually, it's about celebrating the birth of a little boy whose grandparents were hundreds of miles away back in Nazareth.

TorontoLakeOntario · 15/10/2023 21:11

Spend it at home. We've driven 8 hours to our inlaws several times and it's always been hell. (And sleepless!)

Last year I put my foot down. Its my annual leave and I'll spend it how I please. 😁 Children were happier and more well behaved for being at home chilling out with ALL their new presents.

TorontoLakeOntario · 15/10/2023 21:12

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/10/2023 21:06

Actually, it's about celebrating the birth of a little boy whose grandparents were hundreds of miles away back in Nazareth.

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I love this reply so much!

SerafinasGoose · 15/10/2023 21:12

Christmas is not supposed to be about "my little family", it's supposed to be ....

See, this is why of all the holidays, Christmas is my least favourite. The clue is in that word, 'supposed'.

It carries a weight of expectation that with the spring and summer holidays simply isn't there. The whole concept of tradition (for which I read sameyness and lack of spontaneity) is one to send me leaving burning tyre marks in the opposite direction.

whiteroseredrose · 15/10/2023 21:14

YANBU. We had a few years of carting DC to PIL for Christmas then put our foot down. My parents and PIL were welcome to come to us but we and DC were staying at home. It worked well until covid.

UsingChangeofName · 15/10/2023 21:15

I'm not sure if you are talking about EVER, or this particular year.

If you are saying you never want to go there for Christmas day, then yes, YABVU.

Your ideal Christmas might be the 2 of you a baby and toddler, but your dh's ideal Christmas is spending it with wider family. So, you have different opinions, so the reasonable thing to do is to take turns.

You won't be "dragging your 2yr old away from exciting presents" - you open some at home and take something portable with you "to show Grandma". Then, when they are there, they will get more exiting presents.

If his extended family are "people he doesn't really know" then surely that is reason to spend more time with them, not less. An hour and a half is hardly an unreasonable drive to then spend a full day with family.

I wouldn't go every year, but I would take turns as most families do.

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 15/10/2023 21:15

Please stay at home if that’s what you want to do. My Christmas as a child was ruined by spending most of it in a car travelling to and from a relatives house. We weren’t even allowed to open our presents until we had got there and eaten our Christmas dinner . So it was about 4 or 5pm, an eternity for a child.

Consequently I refuse to go anywhere or have any guests on Christmas Day - it’s just for my children to relax, open gifts, eat and drink. They don’t have to dress up or perform for someone else benefit.

I couldn’t care less if anyone thinks that’s selfish .

Keepingitmoving · 15/10/2023 21:16

Start your traditions now and stick with them. We have been clear we are happy to host all of the family on Christmas Day but not to travel and drag kids away from presents.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 15/10/2023 21:16

You should do what you want to do but Christmas isn’t just about presents, for me the best bit is spending time with family. Your children can play with their presents any time

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 21:17

Livelovebehappy · 15/10/2023 20:32

I used to travel with my dcs when they were young to spend Xmas day with my parents, and extended family. An hour there and back. It used to be crazy. 15 of us in a small semi squeezed round a table. But we had lots of fun. Now my dcs are adults, they say they remember those days and loved being with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc, and remember those times more than actually opening and playing with presents. That’s why i love Xmas day as it’s probably one of those rare occasions when you all get together and just enjoy the company and the joy of it all. Xmas day isn’t just about the present opening and playing with toys, but about the whole Xmas day experience.

I always did the same. Less hassle to drive there and back than prep, cook and clear up. Mum was a much better cook than me too. I feel a bit bad sometimes looking back. We used to do Santa, then waltz into the house in time for our Christmas dinner. Mum and dad loved it though. They would have been very hurt if we hadn't gone.

Then I came home with a 'doggy bag' of Christmas dinner leaving me only the veg to prep for the outlaws on Boxing Day.

Santa came to the kids in both houses too, which was fun. I've never felt the same about Christmas since my parents passed away.

The joy of eating at my parents' too was that there was always someone to hold the baby while I got to eat a meal in peace!!

I think people have become very selfish and inconsiderate tbh. I know that won't be popular...

Pipsquiggle · 15/10/2023 21:17

I think this year you should do what you like with DC those ages but I wouldn't rule it out ongoing.

Personally I think travelling an hour and a half on Christmas day is nothing particularly as the roads are so quiet, also let's the DC sleep in the car. If other family are going to be there it is good opportunity to catch up.

When I go to my in-laws, who happen to be an hour and a half away (and we have a dog), here's how our day goes:
DC wake up early - open presents and we have breakfast
Leave house at 10ish
Get to in-laws at 11:30ish
Open more presents, chat, DC play together - which is lovely.
Have a late lunch at 2ish
Leave in-laws at 5pm/6pm
Get home and sleep in our beds

Lovely day had by all

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 21:18

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/10/2023 21:06

Actually, it's about celebrating the birth of a little boy whose grandparents were hundreds of miles away back in Nazareth.

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It's not exactly a tradition to have grandparents at the birth in any case, is it?!

YourNameGoesHere · 15/10/2023 21:19

Personally I think travelling an hour and a half on Christmas day is nothing particularly as the roads are so quiet

The roads really aren't that quiet on Christmas day solely due to the fact so many people feel guilted into spending a large portion of their day traveling to relatives.

CloudPop · 15/10/2023 21:19

One year your parents. One year his. One year at home on your own. Keep it as a routine. I can warrant this as a successful format

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 15/10/2023 21:22

Stay at home and make your own tradition. If the grandparents are that desperate to see the gc they can join you for dinner in the afternoon/evening.

Garlicnaan · 15/10/2023 21:24

CloudPop · 15/10/2023 21:19

One year your parents. One year his. One year at home on your own. Keep it as a routine. I can warrant this as a successful format

Yes this is what we try to do. The DC would rather be with cousins though.

saffronsoup · 15/10/2023 21:26

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 21:17

I always did the same. Less hassle to drive there and back than prep, cook and clear up. Mum was a much better cook than me too. I feel a bit bad sometimes looking back. We used to do Santa, then waltz into the house in time for our Christmas dinner. Mum and dad loved it though. They would have been very hurt if we hadn't gone.

Then I came home with a 'doggy bag' of Christmas dinner leaving me only the veg to prep for the outlaws on Boxing Day.

Santa came to the kids in both houses too, which was fun. I've never felt the same about Christmas since my parents passed away.

The joy of eating at my parents' too was that there was always someone to hold the baby while I got to eat a meal in peace!!

I think people have become very selfish and inconsiderate tbh. I know that won't be popular...

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Same I have so many good memories of Christmas with everyone and all our Christmas traditions that have lived on for years. I didn't have a father or husband who are the controlling type so I can't imagine really them telling my mother that she wasn't allowed to see her family on Christmas and my husband and I would have a big issue to work through if he told me I was to stay home on Christmas. I am not sure why so many feel OP gets to decide how holidays are for all of them and that he is no longer allowed to enjoy Christmas with his family and that only her opinion matters. That kind of marriage would not work for me. I couldn't be with a husband who "put his foot down" when it came to me and seeing my family or what I was 'allowed' to do.

I wonder how many would support him if he told he he was putting his foot down and they would not be travelling to visit her family. End of story, He is holding firm. No trips to celebrate with her family. They will all stay at home. No discussion. This is how it will be.