Can you have a high flying career with 3 children

[Yepop]

I am posting here for traffic and getting some perspective on this.
I have a DC and TTC another soon, I feel I would like a third DC but DH thinks it would be difficult to manage with both of us working full time and no family support.
I am focussed and ambitious person and want to have a good career ahead. I am in a decent leadership role at my organisation and hope to climb the career ladder further in next 3-4 years.
Just want to get some perspective on whether in my sort of situation maintaining a career with 3 DC would be possible or I might be better off with 2. Also, me and DH are mid thirties.

Yes and No. one of you can absolutely have the high flying career, if the other one deals with the home life.
or you buy in the help, ie nanny, housekeeper etc.
or it will take one or both of you a bit longer, or it might be a almost high flying career

Yes you can. Childcare exists. You absolutely should put your career first rather than take a back seat. Your DH could even reduce his hours to help .

Well, I’m a single mother with zero support (as family live abroad and ex-husband disappeared- voluntarily I may add) and I’ve had a high flying career in the City. Why would it be different if there were two parents involved? You just pay for childcare. I had a live-in nanny

The poster did say OR you buy in the help, ie nanny, housekeeper etc. , which you did.

But also, 2 parents involved means you split the children events. Being alone means you are the one missing out, and so are the children.

I know the nanny can be the one around, but it's not the same.

I would definitely want to be involved as much as possible with all DC.
I like to plan ahead usually hence this bit of planning for future.
Thanks for all the responses.

I posted an almost identical thread a while back. Strangely the comments were a lot more negative (on the whole) than on this thread - maybe because I (as opposed to DH) am the breadwinner?

We’re still on the fence about a third, but I’ve found having 2 (with 2.5 year gap) totally doable thanks to an excellent nanny.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/larger_families/4556019-having-a-3rd-child-and-a-career

DH is still skeptical about this and wants to make a decision after we had our second DC and we will have to see how we feel then.

@FolkSongSweet did you manage to decide on if you wanted a third DC?

I don’t do any housekeeping or laundry and never have. Bar the bare minimum, clearing up in the kitchen after a meal etc. haven’t pushed a hoover for years, havent dusted, taken out a bin, never ironed a shirt in my life. I’m either working or hanging out with my kids /DH. Much rather pay a housekeeper to do all that and buy that time back.

@Yepop sort of…in that we decided it wasn’t a good idea, but then had an accident this month 🙈 that may have been annoyingly well/terribly timed, so will just have to see.

If I’m not pregnant we will almost certainly not go for no 3 as the kids are getting easier and easier (3 and 5.5 now) and work is going well, but I’ll update you next week!

I have kept the household chores to minimum but using robovac and having cleaner once a week. I don't iron clothes, cooking every 2 days, grocery shopping planned and once a week, laundry is done when DH is free. Most days I just focus on DC or work.

@FolkSongSweet hope you get the outcome you're hoping for. All the best! Keep us posted :)

Personally for me no, I’ve had to let my career plateau as I cant put the hours in it would need to thrive and I found that I don’t want to. It’s become apparent that at primary school age one of my DC needs me even more than she did at a pre school age and that has to be my priority.

I think this is about the type of life you want.

As pp’s have said you can have 3+ kids and a career, but this means one partner taking the hit career wise. two high flying and well paid careers can pay for childcare, but then you’re not seeing your kids so much.

there’s no easy answer

Tricky balance op isn't it. What's best for you and what's best for the children.

"your not seeing your kids so much" and they a re also not seeing you.

I think you can if you’re prepared to use childcare a lot and don’t resent the cost.

Im currently pregnant in a career where I still want to progress but I know for the next 5 years I’ll probably focus more on my child/children. Then after that focus a lot more on my career but that’s mostly because I don’t want to fork out on childcare all the time.

Nobody has it all in life. Like the saying goes numbers never end so what is it that you are chasing? I know people are saying they outsource things with their salary. However I believe children need YOU though and having a parent who is around matters perhaps some who have outsourced parenting think they have it all. I find it hard to believe as I'm 1 of 4 siblings myself!

My (female) boss is super high powered and has 4.

Are you planning to take next to no maternity leave? How would your promotion chances look if you took a full year off each time? I would have found short mat leave impossible.

This. 100%
But also be aware that money isn't everything, no matter how amazing your norland nanny and cleaner are, kids want their parents

Will get opportunities for promotion after maternity leave. Got my recent promotion after coming back from maternity leave. So, mat leave wouldn't be a major factor in holding back my career however the sleepless nights and foggy brain did affect my confidence after coming back for several months.

And a wife 😂

The reality is that even once kids are school age you will need child care for a considerable amount of time, plus with senior roles out of hours working may be necessary.

It's certainly possible to have a larger family and both work but nobody can tell you it's easy. Of my exh's colleagues all had nannies or au pairs living in so they could travel

I do acknowledge that there's no perfect way to do things. DH wants a relatively easy life with less stress. The comments on here have given me lots to think.