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Original poster

Can you have a high flying career with 3 children

266 replies

Yepop · 13/10/2023 13:04

I am posting here for traffic and getting some perspective on this.
I have a DC and TTC another soon, I feel I would like a third DC but DH thinks it would be difficult to manage with both of us working full time and no family support.
I am focussed and ambitious person and want to have a good career ahead. I am in a decent leadership role at my organisation and hope to climb the career ladder further in next 3-4 years.
Just want to get some perspective on whether in my sort of situation maintaining a career with 3 DC would be possible or I might be better off with 2. Also, me and DH are mid thirties.

OP posts:
Zippedydoodahday · 13/10/2023 13:40

My DH and I both do. But we need a nanny, housekeeper and cleaner to keep the show on the road for one kid. At my firm all the senior people either have a stay at home partner or significant amounts of paid help.

I tried to do without all the help and nearly lost my mind.

OvertiredandConfused · 13/10/2023 13:40

You can, but I'd recommend a nanny rather than nursery. They will cover sick children and make your mornings less stressful. Also more flexibility around finish times, as long as you don't take advantage.

Don't listen to people who say you'll never see them, working well with a good nanny can be amazing for everyone, especially with good communication and give and take.

ThatMrsM · 13/10/2023 13:40

I'm sure you could do it as long as you can afford nanny/nursery/wraparound childcare for 3 children. But I would definitely wait until you've got a second child before really thinking about a third!

Original poster
Yepop · 13/10/2023 13:41

Also, wanted to add we work from home for the most part of our week.

OP posts:
SacAMain · 13/10/2023 13:42

Of course you can.

Without family, you do need a good nanny, flexible enough to accommodate your working hours. You also need to realise she'll be an employee, so you are liable for maternity pay etc like any other employer if she decides to start her own family.

usually I am the one who takes time off when DC is sick.
You will struggle a lot with 3, they get sick all the bloody time in the early years, and they pass on their germs to each other. It can't be all on you.

It is HARD to be focused and at your best professionally when you have been up all night with 1 or 2 vomiting kids.

The real question is, do you want to? You can't be in 3 places at once, so be ready to miss nativity, sports events, school events when they clash with a trip or a meeting you can't miss. If you are happy with it, then it's just the sick leave you need to plan. Teachers miss their own kids events, many jobs have no choice.

PinkRoses1245 · 13/10/2023 13:42

Blows my mind you’re thinking that far ahead. Try and have another 1. And then see!

SacAMain · 13/10/2023 13:43

Yepop · 13/10/2023 13:41

Also, wanted to add we work from home for the most part of our week.

You still need solid childcare, and you might find it possibly harder to recruit a good nanny. It's a lot harder to mind children when their parents are in the same house!

It will be a good 10 years until you can work full time from home while your own kids entertain themselves and live independently.

Original poster
Yepop · 13/10/2023 13:44

DC one had a nanny for several months and she is lovely, so I do have a reliable nanny who is ready for looking after future DC.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 13/10/2023 13:47

Yes.

I know at least two people who have six children and a high flying career.

They threw money at the problem- nannies, boarding school, etc.

Thehonestbadger · 13/10/2023 13:47

Yepop · 13/10/2023 13:04

I am posting here for traffic and getting some perspective on this.
I have a DC and TTC another soon, I feel I would like a third DC but DH thinks it would be difficult to manage with both of us working full time and no family support.
I am focussed and ambitious person and want to have a good career ahead. I am in a decent leadership role at my organisation and hope to climb the career ladder further in next 3-4 years.
Just want to get some perspective on whether in my sort of situation maintaining a career with 3 DC would be possible or I might be better off with 2. Also, me and DH are mid thirties.

Having one DC is very different to having 2 DC. Entirely different ballgame and I really don’t think having one prepares you for having two. I assumed I would be ok because I managed the first one just fine. Now I’ve had to quit my job and be a SAHP.

Can you have a high flying career with 2+ small children? sure you can 👍🏻

Can you both have high flying careers with 2+ small children? Not unless you can afford a nanny, a boat load of childcare or have a VERY involved family.

The biggest issue we faced was their illness. We went through a 4/5 months last year where One of them was always off nursery. They caught all the bugs and just passed them between each other. Hand foot and mouth, D&V, chicken pox, croup, endless viruses … that’s why I ended up leaving work. In 8 weeks I’d made it in for 3 days!!!
DH is an intensive care Dr so his career took priority for us, unfortunately.

bunnypenny · 13/10/2023 13:48

I have three under 5 (1,3&4) and a high flying career in law. My husband also has a high flying career and works away a lot, 3-5days every week. Everything falls to me when he’s not around and that is a lot to deal with. We have no support so it is stressful. very very pressured, needing to be everything for everyone all the time.

you need to be strict with your time (eg I can’t and don’t do meetings before 8am and between 530-8pm - I just say no) but I do work long hours around that.

it’s probably better to work up the ladder then have kids, rather than try to do that when you have them as that initial progression requires a lot of sacrifices.

GingerKombucha · 13/10/2023 13:51

Yes, but you need good childcare and to work together to cover who works early, late and attends work or client events. I couldn't do it without a nanny, cleaners and gardener. You won't have much spare time so I try to spend all of mine with my children and outsource almost everything other than my job and spending time with my family.

toomanyleggings · 13/10/2023 13:52

Just seen you’ve only got one. The jump from one to two will give you a bit more of an idea

Desecratedcoconut · 13/10/2023 13:53

I mean, you are your own best counsel on this, surely? Nobody else knows the details of the pressures and resources in play in your home or the expectations of your working life.

How it is going now is going to be your best indicator. You have two children and this career already, so how much additional time and energy do you have now?

If there is a squeeze on those factors, what could/would you give up in life to settle the ledger? For how long?

As a pp said, I found the difference in intensity between two and three to be most marked when they were younger, now (16,14,9) the difference has been negligible for several years, so you might be worth factoring that into your calculations.

I do think having a larger brood can be incredibly rewarding but you need to have some self preservation about what you take on in life.

Desecratedcoconut · 13/10/2023 13:55

Oh, you only have one? Err, try it with two first.

bonzaitree · 13/10/2023 13:58

Yes provided you have a non-useless husband, good health, good mental heath, good organisation, money for childcare.

TheaBrandt · 13/10/2023 13:59

Also it doesn’t get that much easier - teens need a lot of parental input too. We quite often eyeroll and say thank god we stopped at two. Eg this week involved two school info meetings on two evenings starting at 5 / dd1 wanting one of us to practice driving / driving them to their activities/ helping with revision for a test / reading through EPQ before submission / sorting out opticians etc

Lentilweaver · 13/10/2023 14:01

I can't even manage one with two DC separated by 4 years. I don't have any family support either.

Siameasy · 13/10/2023 14:02

It sounds like you could because you can afford to pay for someone else to bring them up. If that’s ok with you then you can. If you would rather bring them up yourself and be the main influence on them then no.

Lentilweaver · 13/10/2023 14:04

I agree that you should try it with two first and see how you get on.

SphincterSaysWhat · 13/10/2023 14:04

I'm an equity partner at a firm and my husband is the higher earner, he's a global sales director for a niche American company.

We have no family close by - it is killing me. I should never have gone back to work/flew so high. They need you more the older they get.

AgeGapBbe · 13/10/2023 14:05

Have you got a spare £80,000 for a decent full time nanny? If you have then yes! If you haven’t, and DH won’t be SAHP then no.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/10/2023 14:08

If you have a supportive husband

And a fab nanny (childcare) then yes totally possible

I worked as a nanny to many professional woman who had 2/3 even 4 children and a dog 😂

mumof3202 · 13/10/2023 14:10

I am a mum of 3 and am currently a stay at home mum. The eldest is 5.5 and youngest is 7 months. I cannot imagine having a high flying career at this point in time, unless I had my eldest in an independent school and an amazing amount of childcare and family support.

I feel like I have never worked harder in my life and my brain is full with juggling lots of balls! But my eldest is at the local primary and does a lot of after school activities, the youngest is breastfed and we live in the countryside so I have to drive a lot, and I don't have a lot of family help. Also my husband works 7 days a week and is high flying!

It's probably doable, but without family support would be hard to cover the inevitable illness x 3, unless your partner was the one who could do childcare on those days

Lentilweaver · 13/10/2023 14:11

They do need you more as they get older.. The teen years nearly killed me.