Can you have a high flying career with 3 children

[Yepop]

I am posting here for traffic and getting some perspective on this.
I have a DC and TTC another soon, I feel I would like a third DC but DH thinks it would be difficult to manage with both of us working full time and no family support.
I am focussed and ambitious person and want to have a good career ahead. I am in a decent leadership role at my organisation and hope to climb the career ladder further in next 3-4 years.
Just want to get some perspective on whether in my sort of situation maintaining a career with 3 DC would be possible or I might be better off with 2. Also, me and DH are mid thirties.

My sister is a corporate high flyer, her husband a hospital consultant.

She is run ragged IMHO. A couple of times when she was between Nannies things were hard, really hard, and although there is plenty of money, there’s not much to envy.

If you're senior enough to call the shots for work planning/scheduling it's probably much easier I think - esp if you have a PA who can juggle your meetings and block time out so you can get to school things etc. It's the years beforr that where you're aiming to get promoted and have very little power over your schedule that it's likely to be really tough

You need to be all over it with teens now. You need to stay close and be involved - know their friends, their friends parents their worries etc. it can very easily go very very wrong particularly 13-16. It’s more hands on today than our parents were with us as teens.

I set up my own business so am flexible but am still busy and higher rate tax payer etc but am able to be around for family without an employer breathing down my neck.

Also depends on the teen. Dd1 diligent risk averse hard worker dd2 is a party girl.

It depends, on you both being high flyers with the means to hire one live in nanny or two.

@TheaBrandt It's so true about the teen years. Everyone goes on about toddler stage but it's way scarier when you have a rebellious, increasingly independent teen.

I think this only works if you have a nanny who is well plugged into the network of other nannies plus a housekeeper who works 30 hours a week. You need a full time live in nanny ideally and then you don't need to worry about nursery pick ups and when DC start pre school and school the nanny can also do those pick ups/drop offs. I say a well plugged in nanny as you'll be relying on her to scope out groups etc to get the children out and about and, if well plugged in she is likley to know who is free to babysit on a night she can't/who might be at a loose end and can cover when she wants a day off etc. (Longer holidays are easy enough to cover with an agency nanny.)

Housekeeper to do all the housework/laundry so you can spend what time you have with the DC.

I think it's a myth that you can have it all. The reality is that sacrifices are usually made whichever path you choose. If you go for the high-flying career then you have to get comfortable with the fact that someone else will mostly be raising your kids. If you devote more time to the kids, you can get stuck in career purgatory and sacrifice the high flying job. I am sure many people have found a happy middle ground and I imagine there are some exceptions to the rule. Unfortunately, this seems to impact women much more than it does men - which isn't right.

I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing the career but I would question the need to bring lots of children into the world when you or DH won't have a lot of time for them. I don't mean that in a nasty way but kids need their parents.

If you can afford the childcare and extras such as cleaner and you and your dh are 50:50 then probably a third won't make a massive difference .

Children benefit greatly from regular quality 1-1 time with both their parents. Will you both be able to do that with all 3 children while both of you work in high flying careers?

Whatever decisions you make will involve compromise, and the priority in those decision should be the children and the quality of parenting, including being available when they need you, both of you will be able to give them.

Do you have any family support? Just asking as I have taken it slow with kids

You will also miss out on somethings with your child due to work and need to be ok with that. Are you generally very disciplined and good at compartmentalising? People in important careers work even on supposed time off... but I don't know exactly which career and what you mean by highflying.
I think you'd get better insight if you post with the job role and see if any mums in that role can share their experience... even that doesn't mean they will be objectively accurate in their representation and it doesn't mean it will apply to you and your family.
You might end up with high needs children, too. Just too many variables. It can be done but it comes at a cost.

I didn’t read all the posts, but my answer is yes you can do it if you have great paid help.

I was a nanny for a family for 5 years and the mother has a great career and was not slowed down by having kids. When they no longer needed my help, she told me that she couldn’t have done it without me, but they were both extremely generous to me and appreciative of what I brought to the table. So I always went the extra mile for them. Both parents also worked great as a team, supported each other, so you need that too.

For comparison, the family I work for now have been proven to be a bit tight and petty, so there’ll be no extra miles from me, just the bare minimum!

I think you can do it but if neither of you want to sacrifice career progression you need a lot of staff and to be comfortable with the the fact that your children will spend a lot of time with said staff. No judgement BTW, I have a good job in the city, have taken short maternity stints etc. In our case my partner has gone down to 3 days a week. He had an equally high powered job but we decided it was just too hard for us both to keep it up. Also, he didn't like his job very much 😂.

I hope so! I've just found out that baby #2 is actually baby #2 and baby #3, so much for not having more than 2 children.

I have no plans to give up my career but childcare for 3 under 2 certainly has my head swimming.

It can be done if you have money to throw at it, how much time would you actually spend with your children though. Is it a job you can forget about at the end of the day, or are you constantly checking in, “just doing this or that”. Can you turn off or no. If you can’t I don’t think life is that enjoyable personally.

My friend and her husband are hospital consultants and reached senior management positions quickly. Whilst working full time. Four kids. A random selection of nurseries and au pairs. No family support. A house of domestic chaos which I would hate but they pulled it off!

Two out of four are at university now and soaring academically.

I don’t know how they have managed it. They are more laidback than me which helps!

@OP - of course you can but you will need to be prepared for paid for help help

@Letsgocamping67 I think that is not a helpful comment - re children not recognising you . But each to their own opinion.

I am about to have my 3rd
2 in primary school currently
I don’t know what sort of career you mean but I’m a forensic pathologist and I manage okay …. I mean my house isn’t spotless and sometime we eat what mumsnet would class as poison ( easy cheat meals )

Thanks to all the helpful comments. My role is currently mid management (dept head) in civil services. I get flexibility and condensed hours working etc. But, I think expectations would grow as I reach to more senior level.

When my kids were very young my mum was great but she worked full time as a gp so wasn’t able to provide childcare for work. She babysat and stayed overnight sometimes and was v useful to call with health issues! But she has not been able to provide any real support for the last 10 years and now has quite advanced dementia.

My advice to you is use parental leave. That was only introduced after I’d had most of mine but I have never taken any - I don’t know why, I really should have done - but if I was a civil service lawyer I would not hesitate. So useful for bumping up your holiday time whilst still in a “full time” role.

Exactly this.

IME it is not possible to have 3 DC and both build high flying careers. Something has to give.

Sure, exceptional childcare helps, but there is so much to do that isn't covered by childcare, including being available to give the DC emotional support, driving them to their many activities, attending events at their schools etc.

And that's before you do any meal planning, cooking, laundry, housework or life admin. I have found, to my cost, that even with brilliant childcare and a cleaner, that it simply doesn't work.

Dh and I have successfully worked full time 6 figure jobs with 5 children. Family don't provide childcare as default- only SIL is available for real emergencies.

The only way you can do it without family as childcare is to pay for childcare, which is possible if you're earning enough to pay for 3 kids.

I also remind people when discussing this topic that often paying for a nanny or childminder is much cheaper than paying for multiple nursery places

Course you can, you just need a penis 🙃

You're over-thinking. Conceive and have no 2, see how you feel and then decide.