Can you have a high flying career with 3 children

[Yepop]

I am posting here for traffic and getting some perspective on this.
I have a DC and TTC another soon, I feel I would like a third DC but DH thinks it would be difficult to manage with both of us working full time and no family support.
I am focussed and ambitious person and want to have a good career ahead. I am in a decent leadership role at my organisation and hope to climb the career ladder further in next 3-4 years.
Just want to get some perspective on whether in my sort of situation maintaining a career with 3 DC would be possible or I might be better off with 2. Also, me and DH are mid thirties.

I've been a Solicitor at various City firms for over 15 years and many many female partners have at least two and sometimes more kids. One corporate partner I currently work with has 4. Anything is workable especially if you have money to pay for childcare or grandparents support

@XelaM we don't have any grandparents support as our family lives abroad. It would be just us paying the childcare fees which I am fine with though I acknowledge things are getting expensive.

I stopped at two by 35 - my 30s are quite the blur, but been great to focus on career more in 40s. Anything's possible if you can suck up the childcare fees, but I'd wait and see until you have the second DC before thinking about a third. DH's concerns might run deeper than careers and he might feel two is enough - so might you. One step at a time.

Similar to above, my partner is a partner in a law firm and the others partners including us have 3+ kids. Everyone male or female has a SAH partner or partner with v flexible work ie tutoring or life coaching. So, yes and no, I dont think you can have two high flying careers and 3 kids.

Yes if your husband is prepared to take a backseat to your career.

I think one of you can, if the other is around to pick up the slack / able to take time off for kids sickness, training days etc, or you’re able to juggle that between you

If you’re both working big jobs then you’re fully reliant on excellent child and wrap around care or family help

Thanks for the above responses. DH is the high earner in our household so he wouldn't be prepared to take a back seat as we want to ensure we have financial security.

If you have a very good nanny, and a supportive partner to truly share things with you - and not assume that their job is more important than yours, so that they will drop things for the DC if necessary rather than leaving it always to you - then yes you can.

You absolutely can, provided that you have a supportive DH/partner OR enough money to pay for good wraparound childcare. Ideally both. If you don't have a supportive partner you can also make it work but it'll cost you and resentment will build.

The key question really is whether your DH will really his weight and whether there is any "give" in his schedule (particularly on pick-ups and drop-offs). If he is genuinely committed to this then yes you can make it work. If, like a lot of men in these roles, he assumes that he has the "big job" and takes as read that you are the one who will have to drop everything every time one of the children is sick your career progress is likely to be much harder.

As other PPs say - you can if you can afford it, through childcare, cleaner, other paid help.
But will you or your partner be able to attend school events?
Do your careers require long hours, meaning not much quality time with your DC?

I went part-time after my 3rd 🤣 so wasn't really for me but I work in the community sector so was never going to be a high earner. I think it is definitely possible but like everything in life there will have to be compromises along the way with both work and family.

You can’t both without exceptional childcare imo.

You only have one do you are over thinking I think. See if you are able to have 2 first then see how you get on. I used to want 3 but now that I've got 2 definitely only want 2.

We have three because we’re a blended family and wanted one together. If we’d have met earlier and just had two I don’t think I’d have gone further with another. It’s a logistical nightmare once they start extra curricular things and homework etc. We spend so much time ferrying the backwards and forwards to different clubs and stressing about kits etc. You need a bigger car, it limits you a bit on holidays as many family rooms in hotels are just for four. I find it a hard juggling act and that’s just with a very part time job working from home. They also pass illnesses to each other so sickness bugs and things like that can be a nightmarish protracted affair

We have two careers and three children (two with disabilities). I’d say you have to have good support and I definitely couldn’t have kept mine going without our amazing nanny. You also have to have an equal relationship and allow for ebbs and flows. At the moment DH’s job isn’t busy but I’m working crazy hard so he needs to pick up the slack at home even though he earns two to three times as much as I do.

Anything is possible if you have enough money to chuck at it.
Some jobs are more demanding to excel at than others.

I do - I'm a barrister and I've got three (quite heinous at times!) kids. I get heaps of support from my mom though x

Yes. I have a very high flying career in law and I have 4. My husband also works hard but for the past 15 years has worked for himself so although he worked quite full on he has a lot more flexibility. Since Covid he has spent much more time working from home which has helped recently (although kids pretty much self sufficient now). I have spent a LOT of money on nannies and housekeepers though. And private school fees for the extended hours/wrap around care. I could own a mortgage-free house in Knightsbridge for what it has cost, I expect!!

2 kids is the sensible choice, but 3/4 is a lot of fun.

Any couple I know where they both have high flying careers are able to do so because they pay a lot of money for very flexible childcare and outsource a lot of domestic help. I can literally count on the fingers of one hand couples I know like this, the majority of high flyers I know have a partner with a much less demanding career, or they are a SAHP.

You can’t both if you want your kids to be able to actually recognise you.

You need at least one out of:

1. rock-solid, flexible childcare - and I mean, even if you have a nanny, you need a back-up for when the nanny is sick or stuck in traffic
2. a very supportive local family
3. a partner who is willing to compromise their own career.

It's possible, yes. Especially with enough money to throw at the problem. Easy? No.

I don't work longer hours neither does DH but he is a contractor so he takes less leaves while I get good number of annual leaves, so usually I am the one who takes time off when DC is sick. It will probably be similar in future.
DH is not fully onboard with the idea of third DC. He thinks we will have enough on our plate with 2 DC.
He pulls his weight in looking after DC and household chores. We are planning to get a nanny for second DC.

Is he expecting you to do lions share of kid related stuff still if you do get promoted?

If so, it’s massively unfair and you’ll end up carrying that, plus most of mental load plus juggling work imo

DH and I have swapped over last few years - we only have 1 kid but both had senior jobs and at one point i gave up work, as we couldn’t sustain both of us working 50+ hours a week, 7-7 child care, work trips etc even with throwing money at stuff (cleaners, food delivery etc) as we had no support network that could help

He took sabbatical and retrained, and now i’ve got the senior job and he’s got something that fits more around school. We’re older tho and fortunate we’re in a financial and career position to do that

I think you just have to be ok with the fact that to have 2 more kids, then you're basically out for 2 years, so you would be 2 years behind others in their careers.

Childcare costs aside, 3 kids is a lot, i would maybe ben opening minded and see how you get on after you return from mat leave with number 2!

Depends on what you mean by high flying, the job itself and it’s flexibility and what else you are prepared to forgo to balance it all.

I earn a 6 figure salary, have 3 kids and at one point was a single parent. When they were young and I was still married he did very little. I’m 40 and have no family.

But! My job was very flexible. I could work from home and leave early (4 pm). I could go to all plays etc and be flexible in the holidays. I worked 20 minutes from home and there was a good nursery a few minutes from work. I chose schools based on wrap around care. Apart from some set times I could balance illness etc. I could catch up in the evenings.

I had no time for myself though and rarely had down time / went out / exercised. Looking back I’m not sure how I did it. Now they are teenagers I am regaining a lot of that though.