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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL made me feel like a bad mum

228 replies

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:05

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old DS. My MIL get on most of the time but she whenever we visit she ALWAYS has something to say about my parenting.

My DS is my entire world and I’m trying to be the best mum I can. Last week I brought DS to MIL house and she changed his nappy and said ‘those jeans are too tight on him I’m not putting them back on him!!’ And proceeded to talk about how people try and get too much wear out of baby clothes

firstly, my baby is average sized and the jeans were 3-6 months and fitted him fine. They were loose on his waist and legs and he was comfortable and they were fleeced lined.

secondly, I don’t like putting joggers or leggings on my DS, I think they’re cheap looking and so he wears cargos, Jeans, chinos etc and I take pride in what he wears.

the whole afternoon she kept going on about his jeans and about how awful it was to put him in jeans and how he was more settled when they were off….he wasn’t; his legs were freezing

I feel like she scrutinises everything I put on him to the point where I don’t want to go to her house anymore!

aibu?

OP posts:
OhNoForever · 11/10/2023 20:07

You're the mum. But you're also wrong! Babies need to be comfy and be able to move to develop. It's not an accessory, he's a child with needs.

Pinkpinkplonk · 11/10/2023 20:08

Just politely say” I have to disagree, he’s cold” and put them back on.
you need to stand your ground now or she’ll walk all over you.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 11/10/2023 20:09

It's what some mils do op. Don't take it to heart and next time say thank you for your opinion them promptly put them back on him.as an aside I would struggle if my grandchildren were put into Jean fabric as babies and I would always go for comfort over looks on babies.
I managed both though with beautiful but comfy clothes and many second hand good brands

Original poster
Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:10

For the record I only put him in fleece lined jeans so they are comfy on him

OP posts:
Janieforever · 11/10/2023 20:10

She should keep her opinions to herself, but I also think she’s right, babies should be in very soft clothing.

NoKnit · 11/10/2023 20:10

Based on the jeans example yes yabu. I don't know if there is more to it though.

Mine wore babygrows until they could walk I don't think jeans are practical

Coffeerum · 11/10/2023 20:11

It’s annoying when it seems like people are overbearing when you’re a new mum.

But I cannot imagine a 5 month old is comfortable in jeans!

There’s a reason people dress babies in leggings, joggers and sleepsuits, they aren’t cheap looking they are practical and comfortable for a baby. Jeans and chinos daily are ridiculous!

Hercisback · 11/10/2023 20:11

Fleece lined or not, jeans aren't really flexible enough. The thin flexible chinos are OK. 3-6 months mostly wore baby gros!

Joggers and leggings are perfect for this age and weather.

Janieforever · 11/10/2023 20:11

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:10

For the record I only put him in fleece lined jeans so they are comfy on him

Op there is no stretch like baby grows or leggings etc, so no they are not comfy for a baby this age.

ColleenDonaghy · 11/10/2023 20:12

He's your baby. You need to be firm about comments like this "I'm going to put his trousers back on now, he's cold. No, he doesn't find them uncomfortable, that's why I use them."

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 11/10/2023 20:13

Your MIL didn't "make" you feel anything.

You allowed your MIL's words to affect you negatively.

Also, jeans on a 5mo baby are ridiculous (sorry). Put the poor mite in a babygro or sleepsuit or whatever.

LadybirdLover · 11/10/2023 20:13

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:10

For the record I only put him in fleece lined jeans so they are comfy on him

You need to be supporting your baby’s development.

Dressing him in inappropriate clothes like chinos, jeans, cargos etc does not allow him the freedom to move that he needs.

blushroses6 · 11/10/2023 20:14

You’re his mum, so it’s entirely your decision what he wears. I however have a 10 month old DD and admittedly only put her in leggings/joggers because I do think they are comfier and allow for more movement as she’s crawling/starting to walk. People often buy her dresses which while gorgeous and much smarter are just not practical day to day when she’s moving about.

Blackcoffee1 · 11/10/2023 20:14

MIL shouldn’t comment.

But I also think its crazy to put a five-month-old in jeans and proper trousers. They should be in softy snuggly baby grows and little cotton or knitted leggings at that age.

It’s not dress-down friday at the office; he’s a five month old baby.

LemonLimeDivine · 11/10/2023 20:14

Stand your ground now. Start as you mean to go on. He’s your child, not hers. Perhaps be less available if she’s got form for being like this.

Thesearmsofmine · 11/10/2023 20:14

He’s your baby so it’s your choice. I do agree though that jeans aren’t nice on a baby. They look uncomfortable and a bit cheap. It’s ok to dress a baby like a baby.

JustAMinutePleass · 11/10/2023 20:15

At 5 months the priority must be on comfortable / stretchy clothes otherwise you’ll end up delaying his milestones. (Loose) Jeans are only good once they start toddling as they can help avoid scraped knees.

Flamingogirl08 · 11/10/2023 20:15

Sometimes MILs are a pain in the arse but they are experienced Mums and sometimes they're right 🤷‍♀️.

I can picture my own mum saying the same thing tbh!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/10/2023 20:16

I would ask your partner to have a word with her about not commenting on your parenting and raising things with him
If she really really feels a pressing need

Brbreeze · 11/10/2023 20:17

YABU for the jeans.

Icepop79 · 11/10/2023 20:18

Even now my 9 yr old hates how stiff and inflexible jeans are, so I do see your MIL’s point - personally, I don’t like jeans on babies. But he is your child and MIL was wrong to go on about it to you in the way she did.

zyymom · 11/10/2023 20:18

Looks cheap? Lol

Go buy some nice fancy joggers because I think a 5 month old in jeans looks bloody uncomfortable and cheap Grin

FloofCloud · 11/10/2023 20:19

Oh bloody hell, this is all about boundaries! Accept reasonable
Ones but if she's
Clearly being an arsehole them don't put up with it.
It's hard but be professional and polite but be firm
Good luck

ActDottie · 11/10/2023 20:20

Coffeerum · 11/10/2023 20:11

It’s annoying when it seems like people are overbearing when you’re a new mum.

But I cannot imagine a 5 month old is comfortable in jeans!

There’s a reason people dress babies in leggings, joggers and sleepsuits, they aren’t cheap looking they are practical and comfortable for a baby. Jeans and chinos daily are ridiculous!

This

You also sound so snobby there’s nothing wrong with leggings and they’re comfier for baby than jeans and chinos.

Biscuitsplease · 11/10/2023 20:20

Disregarding whether jeans are appropriate or not - no one on here knows exactly what they're like - some brands are soft!

I have sympathy as this is exactly what my MIL would do. Tells me my baby has nappy rash (absolutely doesn't), says she's cold (she's not) and almost directs me on how to parent my baby rather than offer advice - it's also a black and white direction! I'm every other part of my life, I'm polite but very outspoken and know I need to learn to do the same in these situations.

You need to be polite but firm I think and don't take it to heart (easier said than done)