MIL made me feel like a bad mum

[Littlepetites]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old DS. My MIL get on most of the time but she whenever we visit she ALWAYS has something to say about my parenting.

My DS is my entire world and I’m trying to be the best mum I can. Last week I brought DS to MIL house and she changed his nappy and said ‘those jeans are too tight on him I’m not putting them back on him!!’ And proceeded to talk about how people try and get too much wear out of baby clothes

firstly, my baby is average sized and the jeans were 3-6 months and fitted him fine. They were loose on his waist and legs and he was comfortable and they were fleeced lined.

secondly, I don’t like putting joggers or leggings on my DS, I think they’re cheap looking and so he wears cargos, Jeans, chinos etc and I take pride in what he wears.

the whole afternoon she kept going on about his jeans and about how awful it was to put him in jeans and how he was more settled when they were off….he wasn’t; his legs were freezing

I feel like she scrutinises everything I put on him to the point where I don’t want to go to her house anymore!

aibu?

Simply take no notice. Says nothing about you or your parenting but a lot about her. Just do it as you feel is ok doing great.End off. A MIL speaking here!

Agree with others that jeans are super uncomfortable, leggings, joggers or baby grows are much more comfortable for a baby of that age.

Sorry OP I agree with your MIL!! Jeans on a 5 month old is uncomfortable.

I was totally on your side until you said leggings, jogs etc are cheap looking! Wth! Babies should be comfortable. My son lives in jogs so he can move around easily. You need to get a grip with that you sound like a snob

They aren't all like that though. Plenty are soft and more flexible than typical adult jeans.

Even fleece lined jeans could be a hindrance to development if it's regular. I'd only put a baby that age in jeans chinos etc for smarter occasions. Day to day I'd pick leggings as I do agree joggers do look a bit lazy but joggers are comfy you can't judge others for using them.

Regardless though you are the mum. If you felt your baby was cold tu should just put the jeans back in and say thanks for your input but I've chosen these clothes for my child

I don't think the OPs issue is whether babies should wear jeans, but whether MIL should keep her comments to herself!!

OP she is going to be your MIL for a long time and one of the most important people in baby's life. So tread carefully. If you can set boundaries without being rude then do it as soon as you can. I think if she is only commenting on clothing its maybe something to let slide, if she is weighing in on everything then you probably should say something to her. She does know more than you do about taking care of a baby. That's a fact so don't disregard everything she says. It's really hard as a new Mum cos you probably feel judged all the time and are sensitive too, i get it. But no one expects you to know everything and giving advice doesn't necessarily mean a criticism of you. Congratulations on your little one

Leggings are cheap looking?

Sorry what?

How snobbish is that?

Your MIL was wrong to make you feel like a bad mum - but i do think jeans on a 5 month old is not the best for their comfort or development. I get that at times it’s nice to dress them up for special occasions - but this should be for a couple of hours occasionally (not the norm).

I think MIL might have been trying to steer you (as many PPs have on here) - she’s just not gone about it in the right way.

Why not tell her that you appreciate her advice and are doing your best - but how she did it made you feel like a bad mother. You could also ask her to help find more ‘dressy’ but suitable outfits for baby. Get her involved. I say this as a MIL. My DIL will often say something like ‘we’re thinking of doing/getting X with/for DGC what do you think?’ We both do a bit of research and discuss the pros and cons. Sometimes she takes my advice/views on board others she will do what she feels is best - but at least this way I understand her reasons why and most importantly support her decision.

perhaps if your MIL had understood why you put DC in jeans ie you’re a proud mum who wants her DC to look loved and cared for - she would have been less critical and kinder in her delivery.

Have you tried https://bladeandrose.co.uk/ they do leggings, rompers etc that are bit different and defo not ‘cheap’ looking (although I really don’t think that matters or is true).

@Littlepetites

lol what you gonna do when you baby becomes a teen and lives in hoodies, joggers and trainers?!

Jeans/chinos look absolutely hideous on babies too young to walk. I don't think you're quite making the fashion statement you thought you were

It’s personal choice. I don’t like seeing babies in older child/adult style clothes and would rather see them in all in ones and baby grows until they are toddling, then look at jean and cord type material to protect the legs from knocks and falls. Again, personal choice. I think MIL is just testing the boundaries and trying to force an opinion in hope you’ll take heed. Just do you and do what you think is best for your child because you are the one in control and you know what is best. I wouldn’t get caught up in any family politics, enjoy your little one.

@SouthLondonMum22 Oh I'm sure there are softer ones too, but the PP I was replying to was saying that there are no baby jeans that are the same as adult jeans when there most definitely are as I was given some!

Eugh, MIL’s can be such a pain!!!
You will find that unfortunately everyone has an opinion about what they think you should be doing/ how you should parent. I found it easier coming from my mum rather than MIL as I found that she irritated me when my DD was born.

However, I would say that jeans are probably too tight for a little one. Joggers, all in ones and leggings look very cute! You can buy some lovely clothes.
We all take pride in what our kids wear but ultimately comfort is key!
Good luck x

I’m guessing rhe op didn’t get the responses she wished and has done a runner,

i hope however she’s read and taken on board the responses,and realises dressing an infant isn’t about image it’s about development and comfort, when you think it’s about image you’ve got it badly wrong,and he little boy gets comfy clothes allowing him to move freely and move to crawling.

YABU dressing a baby in jeans, cargos or chinos. As a one off for a special occasion maybe then I see the appeal but definitely not daily. I can't imagine my mums reaction if I turned up with my baby in jeans!

It does remind me of the baby group I used to take DD, where they'd have tummy time and just general rolling round together. All very 'naice' All the babies in lovely soft rompers and baby grows. Then the odd baby boy would show up dressed like a mini man or baby girl in big dresses, floppy tights and massive bow on their head. They were the ones who looked like chavs! Funnily enough the boy was the only one getting powdered food shoved in his mouth at 4 months old, much to the horror of the Annabel Karmel cooking mothers of the romper suit babies 😆 I think you are confused about what a chav baby looks like OP!

Babies in jeans or stiff trousers is just about the biggest ick going. So yeah, YABU.

Baby’s should be in comfy babygrows, would you like to be trying to sleep in jeans.

CHAV stands for: Council House and Violent. Worth thinking about that before you use it.

Not, that’s one of those fake reverse etymologies.

What’s a reverse etymology? What does it mean then?

😂😂😂

It’s a slur against lower-class people, particularly youth. The etymology isn’t really known but the ‘council house and violent’ acronym was made up fairly recently - the word ‘chav’ itself has been around for far longer.

When I think of a chav, council houses don't come into it. If anything, to me it's an 'upstart' People who've got just a little bit more money than their neighbours, but are in no way flush. They have to display their imagined wealth in a crass way i.e ugly 'designer' wannabe clothes. And they are usually very opinionated about other peoples lack of branded clothes.