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Original poster

Was I wrong for thinking this was our money

246 replies

Summersunshine88 · 10/10/2023 20:45

ok so for background

engaged, live together and have three kids

at the start of the year my partner came into some money (30k) this was huge for us to me it meant we could finally get on the property ladder.

Dp owed his parents some money and had a few other debts so ultimately he was left with around20k which he told me he was giving to his dad to keep so he wouldn't spend it.

anytime I mentioned about us starting to get serious about buying a house he would bit my head off. I noticed him buying a few items and when I would ask how he afforded it he told me oh I put this on our curry's account.

two months ago I broached the subject of buying a house and he said he owed more money to parents than he thought and that he now had 14k left. I was annoyed but thought it's still better than nothing.

well today after him complaining of having no money after just getting paid I asked him again how much his dad still had belonging to him he went mad shouting at me for asking. I then said to him I would be more upset if he has less left and wasn't letting on than if he just told me. He has nothing left. He told his dad he was taking the money back to give to me to save. He gambled 6k apparently but I definitely think it's more. His argument now is why i thought the money was 'ours' it had nothing to do with me.

I am so upset we both work full time so he in no way 'keeps' me but we can never dream of saving that much in the near future so I thought this was our chance. I feel like telling his parents exactly what has happened but he said if I tell anyone he will leave. The names I have been called tonight I really don't care if he leaves. What would you do?

OP posts:
Coldinscotland · 10/10/2023 20:48

You have had a lucky escape.. Imagine being tied to abmortgage with a gambler... End it and claim cms... He is a car crash op.

Afterschoolrun · 10/10/2023 20:49

I would kick him out he's a massive loser do not marry him. Leave leave leave.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 10/10/2023 20:49

It looks like he has a gaming addictiion if he gambled the money away.

Honestly, I think you would be better off without him. Life with a gambling addict who is making no effort to deal with his addiction is no life for you or your kids.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2023 20:50

I’d leave him. That’s a massive betrayal. And he’s an addict. You need to get away from him before he completely ruins you. How did he come into it in the first place? Was it from gambling?

On top of stealing your chance of getting a mortgage he’s clearly incredibly verbally abusive and neither you nor your children should be around that, it’s appalling.

You must be reeling, I’m beyond sorry 💐💐💐

Pottomous2 · 10/10/2023 20:50

Oh god please leave. He is threatening to leave you?! He would be feeling the draft off my swift exit! This guy is going nowhere fast but the bookies.

Thedm · 10/10/2023 20:53

Leave him. Seriously. You have three kids and think of what that money could have done for them, but he gambled it away.
Leave him.

Serenity45 · 10/10/2023 20:54

He's angry because he is trying to deflect OP. He knows full well he's in the wrong. He's taken the potential of a more secure home away from you and your kids. He sounds like a selfish nasty cunt and I hope you don't tolerate such awful disrespectful behaviour.

With 3 kids things are more complicated, but make plans and leave. You deserve so much better than a lying gambler who verbally abuses you when you ask reasonable questions.

Desecratedcoconut · 10/10/2023 20:54

You'll live on tenterhooks tethered to a gambler. I'd cut my losses before he sabotages you again.

iLoveFood94 · 10/10/2023 20:55

Let him go. I'm sorry to say but he seems like he doesn't care and has a lot of growing up to do.

Acornsoup · 10/10/2023 20:55

He's selfish and untrustworthy. You and DC deserve better OP.

Original poster
Summersunshine88 · 10/10/2023 20:55

The rent is in his name I asked him today to leave and give me some space and he refused he told me to go but I have nowhere to go with the kids

I am so so disappointed in him

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 10/10/2023 20:55
  1. Close any joint bank accounts. Collect passport number, details of his earnings etc for future child support claim.
  2. TELL HIS PARENTS EVERYTHING
  3. Leave him! (Ideally throw him out if possible, so the children aren't moved)
CampervanKween · 10/10/2023 20:56

Leave. Do not tie your future to a gambler. That way madness lies. All they care about is gambling. I know one who gambled through £750,000 of his parent's business money and destroyed the business for his entire family.

DrJump · 10/10/2023 20:56

Oh its time to leave. He is lying, he is gambling and he is blaming you.

Birch101 · 10/10/2023 20:58

You need to untie yourself financially from this person, no joint accounts nothing.
If you want to stay with him he needs professional help and you will need to take control of all finances including his wages.

He has broken your trust and respect massively and proven he cannot be responsible with money.

And yes I would have seen that as money for his children and family after clearing off any debts so I'd be furious and hurt.

Original poster
Summersunshine88 · 10/10/2023 20:59

I have had an IVA I had a horrible first marriage and got completely screwed over (we owned a house, he cheated I went into major depression and let him keep the house while I was left with the debt from the house it was a horrible time) but the IVA finished next month and I finally thought We were getting sorted. I have a good job but I scrimp each month it was gonna be nice to be able to breathe a bit easier regarding money

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 10/10/2023 21:00

I doubt whether he owed his dad any money. He’s gambled it all.

Fionaville · 10/10/2023 21:01

I'd definitely split up with this man. He doesn't love or respect you. And he's a gambler, you'll never get anywhere with him. I'd tell his parents for good measure! He's probably told them you've spent all the money! Don't let him get away with it

Original poster
Summersunshine88 · 10/10/2023 21:03

See I think he has possibly told his parents I'm a bit of a spender I am not. I do however keep the children in their clothes, shoes, uniforms and extracurricular activities as he never seems to have any money for those

OP posts:
CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 21:04

This is not a man who will have your back.

Cut him loose, you are worth so much more than this.

FOJN · 10/10/2023 21:06

You will never own a house with this man. He's a gambler.

If you stay with him you will always be poor because you will pay the bills when he gambles away his wages. If you're lucky you won't have dodgy blokes turning up to collect debt. Personally I wouldn't risk it. Don't let a second man screw you over financially.

Leave as soon as you can and protect yourself financially in the meantime.

WowOK · 10/10/2023 21:06

You need to remove your name off of every joint account.

He is either a gambler and hugely financially irresponsible or hiding money. In all honesty I don't think you had any right to his lump sum but I'd be pissed off that he spunked it up the wall instead of ensuring security for his kids.

He cares about gambling more than his children. You will never have any money. He will always be chasing the cash and you'll be poor and miserable. LTB now.

milenat · 10/10/2023 21:06

How can people be so crap with money AND relationships, never ceases to amaze me.

Why did you have three children with this guy?

BellaAndDave · 10/10/2023 21:06

I couldn’t look at someone who had gambled our future away. I’d rather struggle and be on the bones of my arse if I ever found out my DH had done something like that. He’s obviously had issues in the past that he told you he asked his dad to keep the money safe as he couldn’t trust himself not to spend it. Tell his parents and with a bit of luck he’ll stick to his word and leave.

MintJulia · 10/10/2023 21:09

@milenat That's helpful !

OP, I think you have had a lucky escape. Make your plans, and look for somewhere else to live. And put in a cms claim.