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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner doesn't know where he was ??

206 replies

Lauryn95 · 10/10/2023 08:56

What would you do if your partner went out to the pub then it progressed to going to town as in late bars and clubs and then you woke up in the morning and he didn't come home ,then he didn't come home til noon the following day and "couldn't remember" where he stayed

OP posts:
LostThestral · 10/10/2023 15:20

does he take any medication OP? Some medication mixed with alcohol will definitely give you a blank memory

Sauvblanctime · 10/10/2023 15:22

He’s either cheated or been arrested. Either way, you deserve better!

CustardySergeant · 10/10/2023 15:25

LostThestral · 10/10/2023 15:20

does he take any medication OP? Some medication mixed with alcohol will definitely give you a blank memory

So much that he can't remember where he came home from the following day?

Gnomegnomegnome · 10/10/2023 15:31

All of these suggestions of being spiked/seizures/medications, wouldn’t he be quite confused and concerned about not knowing what had happened to him?

Hibiscrubbed · 10/10/2023 15:33

Lauryn95 · 10/10/2023 08:59

Yes I think so too,He's 100% cheated hasn't he

Yes. 100%.

BetterWithPockets · 10/10/2023 15:52

Would you have said you trusted him prior to this, OP? It doesn’t look good — but I think where you go from him depends on what YOU want…

PrincessScarlett · 10/10/2023 15:56

So sorry OP but your partner is at best a liar and at worst a cheat.

It's totally plausible to be blind drunk and not remember going somewhere but to still not remember anything at lunchtime the following day is absolute bullshit. He managed to get home so even if he doesn't remember staying somewhere last night he will have known where he was the following morning.

The fact he is claiming he remembers absolutely nothing is so disrespectful to you. He's not even bothered to make something up and thinks you are stupid enough to believe him.

10HailMarys · 10/10/2023 16:00

First of all I’d ask him what was the first thing he could remember, because I strongly doubt he only regained the power of consciousness as he was walking through your front door at noon. He may not remember the end of his night out, but he’d certainly be aware of where he woke up and from where he started his journey home.

saythatagaintome · 10/10/2023 16:37

I know relationships are hard, but this is blatant bs.

How long have you been married? Sounds like he needs to be single? I wouldn’t accept my partner doing this. I’d be livid, then I’d be separating.

MsJinks · 10/10/2023 16:38

If he insists he doesn’t know then he is leaving no room for inconsistency in his story, no room for you to find out otherwise and start addressing it with him either - even if you actually found proof he stayed at another woman’s, in a cell etc he can continue to say he can’t remember to avoid answering to it.
A male boss once told me that if you continually deny what your wife has ‘seen’ even let alone thinks, then one tiny doubt will remain in wife’s head sufficient to get yourself out of it. I mean that’s just vile but gave me an insight into how some folk behave and why it may work.
I have embarrassingly lost a large chunk of time in my youth through drink but by the time I’ve slept/had a while since last drink then memory returns even with a headache - unless he rolled in still completely hammered/out of it then he knows where he woke up and how he got to your home.
I know you just want to know, but often we don’t get that irrefutable proof as basically that can only fully come from the person themselves / I would think you should accept it’s beyond reasonable doubt he has no clue - you’ll never get beyond all doubt. Horrible for you I know but you can get through this.

saythatagaintome · 10/10/2023 16:38

Gnomegnomegnome · 10/10/2023 15:31

All of these suggestions of being spiked/seizures/medications, wouldn’t he be quite confused and concerned about not knowing what had happened to him?

💯 you’d be concerned unless you know it’s BS

Passepartoute · 10/10/2023 17:02

Lauryn95 · 10/10/2023 10:03

Apparently he doesn't know.... he literally said he can't remember like I'm an idiot

He has no idea how he got home but was with it enough to get home? At what point does his memory allegedly start? If he's got amnesia as serious as that, he needs medical help.

Meeting · 10/10/2023 17:08

Passepartoute · 10/10/2023 17:02

He has no idea how he got home but was with it enough to get home? At what point does his memory allegedly start? If he's got amnesia as serious as that, he needs medical help.

It appears as though he wants her to believe that he blacked out for several hours and then miraculously regained consciousness as he stepped onto his doorstep.

Tumbler2121 · 10/10/2023 17:21

To add to the cheating/drugs speculation, is there any possibility he's gone to a casino and lost money? They can be open all night.

MsDogLady · 10/10/2023 20:39

Yes, he has undoubtedly cheated.

He “doesn’t know” about other strange things, like why a random woman recently put a snuggly selfie of him and her on his FB with a line of hearts as the caption. And she’s also been hearting his postings.

In the photo he had his arm around her, her hands were on his chest, and they were cheek to cheek. The caption was just a line of hearts. He’d responded that it was fun and they’d have to do it again. Turns out she’s always hearting his posts, but never any about the family. He claims she is a former work friend’s wife whom he didn’t really know, and he’d seen them briefly at a festival he’d attended with his brother 2 years ago. You’d wanted to go too, but he’d said no. When you questioned why a woman he met once for a few minutes and didn’t even know was sending this cozy photo and reaching out with hearts, he called you stupid and pathetic. You thought there was more to it, and that he was lying and gaslighting you.

@Lauryn95, he’s a player who speaks to you like you’re garbage. Re this current farce, he is up to no good and is taking you for a fool. I’d be livid at his mockery and he’d be shown the door pronto. You are heavily pregnant and don’t need this stress.

MetaverseMavis · 10/10/2023 20:42

Google does tracking, if you know his Google password. Snap may do too

The partner is fibbing

MummyJ36 · 10/10/2023 20:45

Did he return on a canoe from Panama? Honestly the balls to pull that crap. Sorry OP he is 100% lying. If he was able to get home he is able to remember, it’s not like he’s been found comatose in a ditch somewhere. I’d be asking him to leave and come back when he’s ready to be honest with you.

FitAt50 · 10/10/2023 20:49

I'm 90% convinced this is a fake post. If it's not, I am sure if he cheated he would make up a better lie than "I can't remember".

Banderbear · 10/10/2023 23:27

@FitAt50 I agree. Especially if you look at what OP posted less than two weeks ago about her DP and a strange woman cosied up in a selfie posted on FB. There is no way you wouldn’t be putting that incident and this one together or at least mentioning that incident in this thread. Unless it’s the ultimate drip feed.

MsDogLady · 10/10/2023 23:49

@Lauryn95, how is it going? Is he still sticking with the ludicrous lie?

Backtoblack1 · 10/10/2023 23:54

What a lying shit! Are you ok? X

Nicole1111 · 11/10/2023 00:15

Unless he’s Harold Bishop this is completely inexcusable

Hygeelady · 11/10/2023 06:02

Have you found out where he was yet?

Iusedtoworkthere · 11/10/2023 06:07

Tell him he needs to see a Dr immediately. Amnesia is serious.

IfYouCouldReadMyMind · 11/10/2023 06:08

How very convenient for him.
What a weak, spineless, lame excuse of a man you have there.
I would get tested STD, and get a good solicitor.
This is an insult to your intelligence.

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