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Original poster

Partner doesn't know where he was ??

206 replies

Lauryn95 · 10/10/2023 08:56

What would you do if your partner went out to the pub then it progressed to going to town as in late bars and clubs and then you woke up in the morning and he didn't come home ,then he didn't come home til noon the following day and "couldn't remember" where he stayed

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 10/10/2023 10:16

@LightDrizzle "I’d think he was lying and I’d thank my lucky stars were weren’t married."

Why on earth would being married make a difference?

Sighhhhh · 10/10/2023 10:17

Take a little bit of time to come to terms with it. I’m sorry but he has likely been cheating. Everything you do from here on out will be with your eyes open.

I once asked a man if it was worth leaving a partner due to infidelity when so many cheat anyway. He said if a man cheats, gets caught and continues to lie to your face….he’ll do it again and he won’t respect you. I believe this is true. The initial act is one thing….the arrogant lying is something else. Lying means no respect, no care, no intention of you knowing what happened (they don’t want you to know their methods so you can’t ruin their “fun”), and no intention of stopping.

He’ll regret it later.

FOJN · 10/10/2023 10:18

Most normal adults would be quite concerned and perplexed, or mildly curious at the very least, if they had no recollection of where they had been for hours.

Does he have a history of getting black out drunk?

AmazingSnakeHead · 10/10/2023 10:18

When I was young I once woke up after a night out drinking collapsed in someone's door way, and stumbled home. I don't remember how I got there. Other people remember me leaving the bar we were at, I probably lost about 5-6 hours. But even then I knew that I had woken up "at a doorway". It was pre mobile phones so I wondered around town until I found a square I recognised and then walked home. I was still drunk when I got home, but i still had to have some awareness to make it home. It's just ridiculous to claim all memory has gone.

No memory would have been believable had a friend dropped him off in a state, but not like this.

Bellaboo01 · 10/10/2023 10:21

Lauryn95 · 10/10/2023 08:56

What would you do if your partner went out to the pub then it progressed to going to town as in late bars and clubs and then you woke up in the morning and he didn't come home ,then he didn't come home til noon the following day and "couldn't remember" where he stayed

What i would do?
I would be extremely worried and concerned as this has NEVER happened before throughout our 20 years marriage.

But, has your H got form for doing this?

OneTC · 10/10/2023 10:23

Can't work out if it's some kind of double bluff level trolling or what. I can't imagine someone having the front to roll in without an excuse for something so out of character, but then maybe that's what they're going for? 🤔

How mullered was he when he got home?

2jacqi · 10/10/2023 10:24

I think you should really go and get yourself medically tested and let him know you are doing this! No sex with him before you chuck him out either!

ColdEvenings · 10/10/2023 10:24

Assume he's an ex-boyfriend now eh?

You're never going to find out, so try not to drive yourself mad thinking about it!!

user1497207191 · 10/10/2023 10:26

Whether he's cheated or not, he's lied to you about it.

There's no way he doesn't know where he stayed.

He's playing the "can't remember" card as he is stupid enough to think that isn't lying.

I'd probably come to terms with my OH having a one night stand, but I'd never come to terms with him having so little respect that he'd lie by playing the "cant' remember" card to think that is better than lying. Lying, for me, is the deal breaker! Honesty is the most important aspect of any relationship - once the trust is broken, there's no way back, for me anyway!

CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 10:27

Get him chucked today, OP.

1month · 10/10/2023 10:28

I’d want to check his call log asap.

You’ll see if he called a taxi etc and if his friends genuinely did lose him then there’s be loads of missed calls off of them.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 10/10/2023 10:31

He thinks you were born yesterday. Sorry OP but it sounds like he cheated.

Cosycover · 10/10/2023 10:31

Aw God he can't even make up a good excuse.

Doesn't remember where he woke up or how he made it home? Ffs he's not even trying.

Darkmode2 · 10/10/2023 10:31

Even if he doesn't remember what happened during the night he'd definitely know where he woke up, is he that stupid to think you'd believe otherwise?

Janieforever · 10/10/2023 10:33

So what, he’s saying he doesn’t know where he woke up and where he came home from? Seriously?

horseyhorsey17 · 10/10/2023 10:33

Of course he knows. He just doesn't want to tell you.

Globules · 10/10/2023 10:34

Only you know your partner, but I can think of 3 occasions in my life where I have woken up in my bed and cannot remember how the hell I got there.

All due to alcohol (2 of the occasions I think my drink was spiked)

The most memorable was having no recollection whatsoever of the hours between 10pm and 12pm the next day, when I woke in my bed. Friends spent the next few days filling me in on the evening that I couldn't remember. No flashbacks. No recall. Nothing. Couldn't even remember the taxi I shared with my friend at 5am that took us home.

Nothing untoward happened to me. I had a cracking night by the sounds of it.

So there is a chance he genuinely cannot remember.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 10/10/2023 10:36

FrenchandSaunders · 10/10/2023 09:10

However drunk he was when he arrived somewhere for the night, he would have woken up there and knew where he was. He managed to get home! Absolute BS.

This. Even ‘I don’t know’ is more plausible than ‘I can’t remember’.

vonryanstricycle · 10/10/2023 10:37

CurlewKate · 10/10/2023 10:16

@LightDrizzle "I’d think he was lying and I’d thank my lucky stars were weren’t married."

Why on earth would being married make a difference?

Being married makes it a lot harder to get rid of dead wood.

Are you married OP, because in your first post you said 'partner' not 'DH'?

In any event you should even consider staying with someone who insults your intelligence like this.

Tessabelle74 · 10/10/2023 10:37

Get an sti test! No way he didn't know where he was, where did he wake up? How did he get home?

longtompot · 10/10/2023 10:39

My dh got blind drunk many years ago. He got separated from the group and we had no idea where he was. I was pregnant with our first child, so sober. Me & my friends searched different routes on our way back to my house and couldn't find him so assumed he was home. He wasn't. He eventually came home at about 6am soaked through to the skin. He slept in a ditch under some leaves to keep warm. Despite how drunk he was he knew where he was & your husband knows where he was. Maybe he needs to stay away for a few days until his memory comes back.

EauDeGnome · 10/10/2023 10:40

Lauryn95 · 10/10/2023 08:59

As in he went out the sat came home Sunday noon ,I rang him and texted him and asked his friends at 10am where he was and they all said they lost him in town and Didn't know where he was then when he come home I said where have you been and he said "I don't know" "can't remember" were not speaking now and I don't know what to do ,do I need a divorce?

If you're not married, you're going to find it tricky to get a divorce.

Vinvertebrate · 10/10/2023 10:41

This is repulsive behaviour and ofc he’s done something he shouldn’t.

Snoken · 10/10/2023 10:46

My ex-husband used to do this. He was taking coke apparently. Sometimes he would remember he slept on a park bench, sometimes when I called a bartender or bar owner would pick up his phone and say he had fallen asleep in the bar (lived abroad at the time) and sometimes he would have no idea where he had been. This is what he said at least. I never got to the bottom of where he actually was but judging from the state he was in when he came home after these nights away, I am not sure he had the capacity to cheat.

SafferUpNorth · 10/10/2023 10:47

So this happened on Sat night / Sunday, and it's Tuesday morning now. What has he said since? What has his behaviour been like?

Surely, if he genuinely just passed out somewhere due to drink / drugs, he will at least know where he woke up (park bench, doorway, under table in a bar?) and how he got home. Has he said ANYTHING other than "I don't know"?

Call bullshit on him. Sit him down and say "You realise I was terrified for your safety. So talk me through what you remember." If he refuses to, he's OUT