Partner doesn't know where he was ??

[Lauryn95]

What would you do if your partner went out to the pub then it progressed to going to town as in late bars and clubs and then you woke up in the morning and he didn't come home ,then he didn't come home til noon the following day and "couldn't remember" where he stayed

If he has Google maps on his phone it will show where he was in his timeline.

Well, I guess he could have got so blackout drunk he can't remember details, sure. But at the very least, he knows where he woke up and made his way home from. And his refusal to tell you that is a very bad sign.

Please don't feel embarrassed that you were worried. You behaved exactly as a loving partner and a decent human being is supposed to behave. It's him that didn't. If he cheated, I hope he feels guilty for the infidelity, but it's the fact that he let you worry in that way that I would find really hard to forgive.

but surely he knows how he got home from there

Exactly!

I would be insulted that he thought I was gullible enough to believe he’s woken up and got himself home but can’t remember it.

Its BS and he could have at least come up with a lie which would be less insulting than acting like you’re stupid.

He knows where he was, but he doesn't want you to know. It's not good.

so where did he travel from to get home to you? that is where he stayed!! definitely cheated I would say!

Absolutely pathetic that he couldn't even be bothered to try and think of a lie. Whatever he did, it was behind your back and he clearly doesn't want you to know about it. I wouldn't believe anything he says now.

Apparently he doesn't know.... he literally said he can't remember like I'm an idiot

He might have been arrested and spent the night in a cell? Happened to an ex of mine.

Op, kick him the fuck out. How dare he treat you so disrespectfully. Although, I'm guessing it's not the first time.

It is just about possible that he passed out somewhere at some point and doesn't know where he was. As a teenager I once left a bar at ~ 3am and didn't get home for six hours, and to this day have no idea where I spent the intervening period. I arrived home with the lower half of my trouser legs muddy, wet and frozen solid, so possibly I'd been in water at some stage. It's terrifying to think what could have happened, and I've never had such extreme blackout drunk memory loss since.

So, perhaps it's not the most likely explanation but it's possible that your partner really doesn't know where he spent a good chunk of this time. The amount of time he claims to have lost seems on the higher side of plausible though. In any case if he's getting into a state (through alcohol or drugs) where this has really happened then this is just as much of a problem as if he's cheating, and needs to be addressed one way or another.

He must know where he woke up? He was in sound mind enough to get home after all?

You did nothing wrong.

He can literally check where he was.
If he really blacked out up to the front door he will be making dr appointments and trying to piece it together, not calmly saying he doesn't know.
Think about how you'd react if you had no recollection of 12 hours of your own life

Sorry - it does sound a bit like he might have been with someone else. Could have been a man or woman. Or doing something he knows you wouldn't like. (Drugs/strip club/night in the cells.)
I guess it's up to you with whether you can live with what he potentially might have done. Or, you walk away.
I suspect he isn't going to tell you, either way.

I’ve been here. Stupidly, I let it pass, and endured several more years of late nights / lack of memory / ‘why don’t you trust me?’ gaslighting bollocks.

Like a PP said, with hindsight, I wish I’d offered him one final chance the first time he did it: “Our marriage is on the line. Sit down now and tell me exactly where you were and anything else I should know. Show me your texts, WhatsApps and phone calls from that night. Let me see your location history. If you can’t do that, it is over, now.”

If I’d done that, I’d have been out of the relationship much sooner and saved myself years of heartache. It really is better to be divorced and independent, than married and hurt.

Kick him out until he remembers (or comes up with a cover story should I say).

If he got public transport he’d likely still have the ticket.

I’d want to see his bank statement and see if he’s booked a hotel or something paid for public transport etc, although these thing’s probably won’t show for a few days.

It’s likely he went back to a woman’s home and then walked home or got a bid from there, so there’d be no actual proof.

I'd say he was with someone he shouldn't be. He's insulting your intelligence.

Or - drank a spiked drink?

This is one thing that actually makes me think it may not be what everyone else is assuming... I mean if he had cheated, he would surely have come up with some kind of story!

Is it possible he was still drunk to the point of disorientation in the morning so has no recollection of where he woke up?

It's possible that his phone and/or bank cards will give some clue as to where he's been.

he's been cheating all
night with someeone or he's
been
on drugs all
night with someeone. prob a bit of both if he is insisting he 'can't remember'.
pack his bags, the memories will soon return x

Is it possible he was still drunk to the point of disorientation in the morning so has no recollection of where he woke up?

Even if he had been abducted by aliens he would still know where the fuck he woke up. Don't be silly.

get his phone and go to google maps. click on pic at top then click on "your timeline" you can go back to saturday night and see location. this is android no idea about apple phones

I lost part of my memory once from a head injury and it was flipping terrifying and I was desperately trying to remember where I'd been, what I'd done, trying to piece it together with other people. There is no way he has no memory before arriving at your house.

He is seriously insulting your intelligence.

He may have crashed out pissed or high (or both), but he will have known where he was when he woke up. To say otherwise is evasive bullshit.

The only way this ‘ I don’t remember’ thing being true is plausible is if he has come home at midday black out drunk and has been drinking/doing drugs all morning.

But I mean in this scenario I would expect him to stumble through the door at midday, unable to form cohesive sentences and behaving like a generally blacked out drunk person.

However I can’t say in all my years of partying that I have ever blacked out until lunch time the next day or entirely not remembered where I have been/what I’ve been doing. If he went back to someone’s house for afters and kept going through the night and all morning he would surely still remember at least vaguely that he’s been at someone’s house.

Im genuinely trying to play devils advocate here and see if there could possibly be any truth in what he’s saying and even at a total stretch I am still coming up short.

He knows where he woke up, surely. He just doesn't want to say. Sorry OP, but I doubt it's anything nice to hear.