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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to move to the guest room

287 replies

Rorymyers · 10/10/2023 00:16

Ok hear me out
DH snores. And I don’t mean some nights. I mean every night. Two minutes into sleeping and he’s snoring and every breath is a loud snore.

it has always bothered me but I have coped for years.

now I have noticed When DH is away I get at least 8 hours sleep. When he’s in bed i’m getting max 6 because i’m constantly being woken up. I think this is unfair to me so I have asked DH to sleep in the guest room permanently.

I don’t want anyone suggesting he sleep on his side, cut back alcohol, lose weight etc as he has done all that and nothing has worked He has refused to see the GP.

if you can provide a REAL solution then I will be open to hearing it please.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores. He has no problem falling and staying asleep amidst his thunder snores.

I am a light sleeper and constantly getting less sleep than I deserve.

I have used earmuffs, sleeping pills, etc but these are non sustainable. I’m really miserable about this and beginning to dread coming to bed at night. It’s affecting how I even feel towards DH as I think if roles were reversed I would seek a solution to the problem.

AIBU to ask him to move to the guest room permanently to enable me sleep?

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 10/10/2023 00:18

Why don't you use the spare room already? I bloody would be!

Thanksforreading · 10/10/2023 00:22

I would move to the guest room to sleep.

My partner and I don’t sleep in the same bed unless on holiday and we have to. We use to do odd nights together in the same bed, but due to working hours being very different we just slept in different rooms, then bleeding in pregnancy made him super scared to sleep next to me incase he kicked me as he wiggles and moved A lot in his sleep. Then came baby and his job is long hours and stressful, and the list goes on tbh!

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2023 00:23

Totally fine for one of you to move to the spare room, but why does it have to be him?

HamBone · 10/10/2023 00:24

I’d move myself into the spare room and then I’d have control over the situation.

He may have sleep apnea, but if he won’t go to the doctor’s, it’s not going to improve. Take care of your needs if he won’t take care of himself. You must be so frustrated.

froufroulala · 10/10/2023 00:26

I did. He didn't snore but would thrash about often making contact with me or would suddenly jolt making me jump. He also stole the duvet. We had a chat and tried. He loves it and wouldn't move back.

ThreeLeggedPug · 10/10/2023 00:26

It’s bloody selfish telling you to suck it up and refusing to see GP. I wouldn’t tolerate this rubbish behaviour

Mudflaps · 10/10/2023 00:26

I moved to the spare room years ago because of dh snoring, it drove me mad. I've got fibromyalgia and sleep to bloody hard enough to get without his incredible noise. Decorated the room to my liking, new bed, new soft mattress (dh likes a hard mattress) and now I sleep wonderfully. Regarding the snoring the only thing that helped is a cpap machine after he was diagnosed with sleep apnea, the machine is silent and so is dh when ge uses it, some nights he falls asleep prior to putting it on and the snoring starts again. His health has improved since the diagnosis and treatment. I still sleep in my room, got used to only sharing with a dog (or two) but we nip in to each other for a cuddle.

BellaAndDave · 10/10/2023 00:26

I don’t want anyone suggesting he sleep on his side, cut back alcohol, lose weight etc as he has done all that and nothing has worked He has refused to see the GP.

If he’s a healthy weight and drinks no alcohol then he may be suffering from sleep apnea? If he’s still drinking alcohol and overweight then that’s the issue.

Babyluigi · 10/10/2023 00:27

It is selfish of him not to see a doctor about it because there may me a medical or anatomical reason he snores that might be treatable. That would annoy me more tbh so definitely sleep (for you) is essential and one of you needs to sleep in the spare room

ThreeLeggedPug · 10/10/2023 00:28

id move into the spare room until he had seen GP and taken tests

lillylovely1993 · 10/10/2023 00:28

There is a reason why I sleep separately from husband …I am the snorer !

sleepwouldbenice · 10/10/2023 00:29

Why on earth would some suggest the OP moves to the spare room not the DH? Bizarre!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 00:30

He has refused to see the GP.

Of course he has because he doesn't give a fuck about you or your well-being. What a selfish arsehole.

How women stay married to pricks like this is beyond me.

TheCraicDealer · 10/10/2023 00:32

We’re in seperate rooms atm. DH has snored since he was a baby and it’s got worse in recent years as his weight has crept up. He’s doing nothing seriously to reduce his weight and I have a five month old in a cot beside me- I don’t need more people waking me up! The only thing that makes it bearable is if we sleep facing away from one another (hardly the snuggling of romantic daydreams) and I have earplugs in. If he turns in his sleep he’ll usually wake me, and the earplugs aren’t sustainable as I tend to get irritated ear canals after a few days of wearing them.

I keep saying to DH about getting checked out for sleep apnea but he’s reluctant. Tbh I think it’s linked to his having a small palate. He claims he’s never been able to just breathe through his nose for more than a minute at a time without having to take a gulp of air through his mouth. But sleep apnea can be dangerous if left untreated as it puts a lot of strain on the heart, so he’d be wise to get checked out.

HirplesWithHaggis · 10/10/2023 00:35

sleepwouldbenice · 10/10/2023 00:29

Why on earth would some suggest the OP moves to the spare room not the DH? Bizarre!

Because it is far easier for the OP to move (and sort out the "spare" bedroom to her liking) than it would be to ask him to move. Is the "spare bedroom" in your house some kind of Siberian gulag? I like my spare to be comfortable and welcoming, somewhere I'd be happy to sleep.

KingsleyBorder · 10/10/2023 00:36

sleepwouldbenice · 10/10/2023 00:29

Why on earth would some suggest the OP moves to the spare room not the DH? Bizarre!

Because she can control where she sleeps but can’t force her husband to move beds.

schmoomoo · 10/10/2023 00:54

Not unreasonable. My partner and I sleep separately because I am the serial offender as I tend to kick in bed sometimes. He tried to 'suck it up' during the first few months of being together but it exhausted him to the point he started losing weight. At first, I didn't like sleeping separately but understood it was affecting his health and ultimately that was more important to me than sleeping together. Your partner should also understand this. If he isn't going to try his all to fix it then he shouldn't get the privilege of sleeping next to you!

Also, doesn't matter who sleeps where, though you should be the one to choose as this is an issue he's created so not your cross to bear.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 10/10/2023 01:02

The spare room is my office so I can’t sleep in it too, plus on the top floor Vs the waking-up children on a different floor rules it out, but if I could I’d be off like a shot because of DP’s snoring. He does at least use nose strips but constantly treats himself to some nice loud back sleeping.

YANBU but since he sounds like a wanker (won’t go to the GP? Wanker), you might be better off decamping to the spare yourself. Make it nice and make it your bedroom, not a guest room: boot out any drying laundry, wet towel draped over unused exercise bike, etc.

beetr00 · 10/10/2023 01:11

Sadly, as he cannot see the problem, could you/would you, move to guest room perhaps?

You'd sleep so much better @Rorymyers 💐

WinterDeWinter · 10/10/2023 01:17

You’re NOT being unreasonable- but I’m in the same situation and happy ears earplugs have changed my life. Nothing else worked.

beetr00 · 10/10/2023 01:27

https://britishsnoring.co.uk/itests/

LaurieStrode · 10/10/2023 01:39

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2023 00:23

Totally fine for one of you to move to the spare room, but why does it have to be him?

Because he's the one creating the problem!

LaurieStrode · 10/10/2023 01:40

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 00:30

He has refused to see the GP.

Of course he has because he doesn't give a fuck about you or your well-being. What a selfish arsehole.

How women stay married to pricks like this is beyond me.

💯 this

UpaladderwatchingTV · 10/10/2023 01:45

I went through this for so long OP that after a week of VERY little sleep, my DH woke up to find me looming over him with a pillow in my hands! I was totally at the end of my tether, there's a reason that sleep deprivation is used as torture! so maybe suggest that he sees the GP, before he finds himself in that situation or worse, fighting for breath because the pillow is already over his face! I'm really not joking about this, and we'd already tried all the usual including talking to the GP about it, who was as much use as a chocolate teapot. The next day DH moved into the spare bedroom, as he said he would be terrified to fall asleep after what had happened the night before, and while we do occasionally sleep together, if staying away from home etc., and I do still miss falling asleep in his arms, it's better for both of us if we sleep separately. No shame in it OP, and as my DH will tell you, much better than the alternative!😂

Yellowdaysaregood · 10/10/2023 01:50

I've been in my own room for years due to snoring, don't make it decamping for either of you just have separate bedrooms, so not a guest room but your own room done how you like, you will both be so much happier. I personally went to the other room and now that's MY room