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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to move to the guest room

287 replies

Rorymyers · 10/10/2023 00:16

Ok hear me out
DH snores. And I don’t mean some nights. I mean every night. Two minutes into sleeping and he’s snoring and every breath is a loud snore.

it has always bothered me but I have coped for years.

now I have noticed When DH is away I get at least 8 hours sleep. When he’s in bed i’m getting max 6 because i’m constantly being woken up. I think this is unfair to me so I have asked DH to sleep in the guest room permanently.

I don’t want anyone suggesting he sleep on his side, cut back alcohol, lose weight etc as he has done all that and nothing has worked He has refused to see the GP.

if you can provide a REAL solution then I will be open to hearing it please.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores. He has no problem falling and staying asleep amidst his thunder snores.

I am a light sleeper and constantly getting less sleep than I deserve.

I have used earmuffs, sleeping pills, etc but these are non sustainable. I’m really miserable about this and beginning to dread coming to bed at night. It’s affecting how I even feel towards DH as I think if roles were reversed I would seek a solution to the problem.

AIBU to ask him to move to the guest room permanently to enable me sleep?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 10/10/2023 05:18

Move rooms yourself if he won’t; is he always so selfish? What else do you have to just put up
with? I expect there’s a list.

FrodoBagginsToeHair · 10/10/2023 05:47

my DHs cpap machine saved our relationship but it took a lot of nagging to make him go and get tested. We were alternating on the sofa until I insisted he slept there the most - basically making his life as uncomfortable as possible so it wasn’t just “my” problem any more. I’d wake him up and send him downstairs until one day he had enough and decided to do something about it

BettyPhuckzer · 10/10/2023 05:50

As soon as he starts snoring, you move to the spare room

DcatAnnie · 10/10/2023 05:57

DH snored badly, I moved into the spare room. A few years later and he has been diagnosed with Heart Failure due to severe sleep apnea. Get him to have a sleep test.

bonzaitree · 10/10/2023 05:58

I have the same issue- OH snores like it’s walrus mating season.

I have ear plugs but it still didn’t mask the sound. I ended up getting so so tired which was making me so unhappy and I noticed I was getting colds more often. It also made me irrationally angry. I need sleep!

He currently sleeps in the spare room. This is fine but it has affected our sex life I’m sad to say. Another hurdle for us to overcome.

He is getting a mouth guard through the post. Whether this works or not is TBC (please god work!) but more to the point I’m just glad he is doing something about it and making an effort to improve things.

People act like snoring is a joke. It’s no joke. In fact I think snoring and sleeping arrangements have been one of the biggest hurdles in our relationship. Lack of sleep affects every aspect of your life. Saying to someone that you don’t want to sleep with them can be taken as rejection (even if their rational brain understands why).

DcatAnnie · 10/10/2023 05:58

Forgot to say, he now has a cpap machine and does not snore at all. his mouth is completely closed. He slept for 14 hours that first night and has never felt better.

sparkedsparkle · 10/10/2023 06:09

He needs to lay on his back and when he starts snoring tilt his head back ever so slightly, this will stop any noise

bonzaitree · 10/10/2023 06:16

sparkedsparkle · 10/10/2023 06:09

He needs to lay on his back and when he starts snoring tilt his head back ever so slightly, this will stop any noise

Oh my sweet summer child 😂

Why was the CPAP machine invented? A whole machine to help with sleep apnoea. Silly doctors- they could have just tilted their head back 🤣🤣🤣

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 10/10/2023 06:18

Send him to the doctor for a sleep analysis. My husband was a terrible snorer - turned out he had really bad sleep apnea. He has a cpap now and doesn’t snore at all.

JoanThursday · 10/10/2023 06:27

If we had a spare room , I'd be there like a shot!

Currently lying here with industrial strength ear plugs after another night of disrupted sleep. Ear plugs don't stop the bed shaking!

Op, if you have a spare room, just go. A good night's sleep is so important.

TerfTalking · 10/10/2023 06:30

How much weight has he lost OP?

my DH was horrendous, like a train every night, I constantly decamped in the spare (which is a lovely snuggly, dark, small double).

unconnected he went on a fitness campaign and lost five stone, he needed to. He hasn’t snored since, for three years.

FallingAutumnLeaf · 10/10/2023 06:33

Make the spare room a delightful place to be, with an excellent bed in it, and move in yourself.

You are unhappy with the status quo, so do something about it.
The guest room doesn't need to be the lesser option.

TheCatterall · 10/10/2023 06:34

To me the offender is the the one that should love rooms - especially if they are unwilling to address the issue and seek help.

@Rorymyers have you made it’s clear it’s affecting how you see him in the relationship.

I find it very selfish when someone won’t access all avenues of help.

Ahjaysus23 · 10/10/2023 06:36

I guarantee you snore too, OP.

Banrion · 10/10/2023 06:38

YANBU to sleep separately. But l really don't understand why you can't move to the spare room? Why do you want him to and not you? I would have moved long ago.

gamerchick · 10/10/2023 06:39

Nooo YOU turn the guest bedroom into the bedroom of your dreams where men can't go. I did that, I love my room. It's like a giant hug.

He can't whinge then.

As an aside, he's an idiot for not going to get his snoring checked out. If he has an apnea he's at risk of heart attacks.

Husband has a CPAP now, no more snoring. But I don't want to go back to sharing a bed.

CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 06:42

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2023 00:23

Totally fine for one of you to move to the spare room, but why does it have to be him?

Because he’s the snorer.

DustyLee123 · 10/10/2023 06:42

I made DH move as he is the problem, now I have my own room.

MaggieBsBoat · 10/10/2023 06:42

He’s a selfish twat of a man!!

sleep somewhere else until he starts respecting you and caring about you. WTAF.
My DH snores terribly. After our very first night together, he booked himself into a sleep lab via his GP and got a CPAP machine. This is what love is. Good grief.

CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 06:43

HirplesWithHaggis · 10/10/2023 00:35

Because it is far easier for the OP to move (and sort out the "spare" bedroom to her liking) than it would be to ask him to move. Is the "spare bedroom" in your house some kind of Siberian gulag? I like my spare to be comfortable and welcoming, somewhere I'd be happy to sleep.

Show quote history

Why is it easier for OP to move? Because she’s a woman?

ElFupacabra · 10/10/2023 06:44

Because it is far easier for the OP to move (and sort out the "spare" bedroom to her liking) than it would be to ask him to move.
How is easier for the OP to move and sort an entire room out that saying “you’re a selfish cunt, fuck off in the spare room” and getting to have her lovely master bedroom which is presumably already sorted to her liking? The penis worshippers on this place whooo, wild.

Combusting · 10/10/2023 06:45
  1. my snoring DH saw the GP, got given a machine and mask to go over his face at night. Snoring stopped like magic. I’ve slept like a baby for two years.
  2. move to other room.
CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 06:46

Thatladdo · 10/10/2023 03:40

Why does he automatically have to move!
He is causing the problem is a weak argument, its not a problem to him! Hes fine.

Who works most hours requiring the better comfort of the main bed, or who bought said bed.😆

Toss a coin and at least make it slightly fair

Are you a surrendered wife or a fellow snorer?

CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 06:47

ElFupacabra · 10/10/2023 06:44

Because it is far easier for the OP to move (and sort out the "spare" bedroom to her liking) than it would be to ask him to move.
How is easier for the OP to move and sort an entire room out that saying “you’re a selfish cunt, fuck off in the spare room” and getting to have her lovely master bedroom which is presumably already sorted to her liking? The penis worshippers on this place whooo, wild.

IKR! 💯

ConnieTucker · 10/10/2023 06:47

He has refused to see the GP.

this sentence here is the point i decided you were absolutely right. Broken sleep is awful.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores.
but it is his fault he will not see a doctor.

will you not still hear him from the spare room?