To ask DH to move to the guest room

[Rorymyers]

Ok hear me out
DH snores. And I don’t mean some nights. I mean every night. Two minutes into sleeping and he’s snoring and every breath is a loud snore.

it has always bothered me but I have coped for years.

now I have noticed When DH is away I get at least 8 hours sleep. When he’s in bed i’m getting max 6 because i’m constantly being woken up. I think this is unfair to me so I have asked DH to sleep in the guest room permanently.

I don’t want anyone suggesting he sleep on his side, cut back alcohol, lose weight etc as he has done all that and nothing has worked He has refused to see the GP.

if you can provide a REAL solution then I will be open to hearing it please.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores. He has no problem falling and staying asleep amidst his thunder snores.

I am a light sleeper and constantly getting less sleep than I deserve.

I have used earmuffs, sleeping pills, etc but these are non sustainable. I’m really miserable about this and beginning to dread coming to bed at night. It’s affecting how I even feel towards DH as I think if roles were reversed I would seek a solution to the problem.

AIBU to ask him to move to the guest room permanently to enable me sleep?

Does he wear a smart watch? Mine monitors & records snoring. If you could get an accurate recording & make him see the doctor, it might help. Otherwise, get the spare room kitted out to your taste & move in.

I'm another one suggesting you move to the spare room. I did, and we both sleep better. Over time we have done up both rooms so that DH bedroom is done how he likes it, and he has the furniture he needs, and my room is the same. Mine is now very pretty, his is how he likes it (not pretty!). It is bliss.

Maybe OP is exaggerating with the six hours max. Or has he moved already?

Before DH got his CPAP machine I slept in the spare bedroom. Now I get a good, quiet night's sleep because DH isn't an arsehole and went to the GP, mainly because he had developed sleep apnoea.

I would feel very tempted to kick him awake every time he snores. I did this with DH every time stopped breathing, which was discovered to be up to 50 times an hour after a sleep study.

Your DH is in denial and being selfish by not addressing his snoring. If it develops int sleep apnoea it can be dangerous.

DH has had a silent stroke and to this day we are unsure whether it was caused by his sleep apnoea or caused the sleep apnoea. Either way doctors take this more seriously these days.

You've got a spare room, of course one of you should use it! Why suffer when you could sleep...

Is there any other weirdo like me who likes the sound of snoring? I find it reassuring 🤣

Get him banished to the spare room OP!

My boyfriend snores... like a warthog/door slamming in the wind.

He always says to wake him up but if he's on an early shift (up at ten to 5) I feel bad as he needs sleep to. If I complain he's kept me up he'll offer to stay in the other bed the next night. Generally if I can't sleep I'll go and get in the other bed. If he's unwell he'll get in it. It I woke him and asked him to go in the other bed he would but I just think at that point there's no point us both being awake.

I just bought a decent mattress and comfy bedding for the spare bed and then jt doesn't feel like a raw deal for anyone getting in it because it's the same as the bed in our room

I'm heavily pregnant at the minute, roll over like a cow and I'm up and down all night and I know I'm waking him but my point is neither of us are doing it on purpose and we both compromise (apologetically).

DH is permanently in our spare room. He's got restless legs and thinks it's normal to constantly nap so he's not tired at night. He won't see a GP or even attempt to put a better sleep pattern into place, so it's tough shit. He moans constantly about it's not a marriage when you don't share a bed.

Being woken at 2am by someone munching biscuits isn't my idea of fun. I had a head injury years ago, and if I don't get a decent sleep, my head feels like someone has replaced my brain with cotton wool.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores. He has no problem falling and staying asleep amidst his thunder snores.

Why can't he find a way to cope with sleeping in the spare room since it's not your fault he snores?

If he's sleeping as soundly as you say, it makes no difference to him which room he's in.

It's now thought that there are links between chronic sleep deprivation and degenerative illnesses such as Parkinsons disease. You should put your health first.

You should change rooms if it bothers you so much, rather than asking him to move. I often sleep in our spare room for various reasons (too not, can’t sleep and want to read, just want some alone time etc.). Whoever it is who wants to sleep alone, for whatever reason, should move in my opinion. Assuming that the spare bedroom has a totally fine bed.

Same problem here! He had deviated septum surgery which has made his snoring OFF THE CHART. I can hear it from downstairs when he takes a nap. His friends have commented it’s the worst they’ve even heard. He’s made hospital appointments and then forgotten to attend. I started sleeping in the spare room and it changed my life. When I got pregnant we swapped so
i could have the nicer bed in the main bedroom and I’m still here. We actually love sleeping apart, no only for the noise now but for heat, getting up at different times. It’s made us more well rested. As long as u ensure to maintain intimacy it was a good decision for us.

Is there a reason why you can’t move to the guest room considering you’re the one with the issue?

I'm married to a snorer too. I go in the spare room when it's a real problem; he doesn't like it but accepts it. If he won't move, go yourself.

I've heard of many men complaining when their wives decamp to another room because of their snoring. That's wrong, she should deal with it, etc etc.

I've also heard of many men decamping to another room when there's a new baby in the parents' room, making noise and feeding all night. That's perfectly acceptable.

Id move to the spare room if i was you as i value my sleep too much.

Has he always been this selfish btw?

If you’re the one struggling to sleep, then you should be the one to move to the guest room.

You have a spare bedroom and you can’t sleep in the same bed.
Definitely sleep in different rooms!

Omg! Spare room definitely! We just wake each other up through the night, having my own room is bliss! He can watch films, I can read books and put the light out when I want to. I don't have to tip toe around if I wake, it's all good. Do not understand why it's expected to put up with a snoring partner ( I snore too) but put the baby in a separate room asap.

I get it, I live with a snorer and i don't like being woken up. My DH doesn't mind (apparently i snore too). So he is fine with us in the same room.

So, it's up to me to move out, and OP, i think it's the same for you. Take over the spare room, make it your cozy lovely sleepy place, and leave him to it.

I’m very happily married and we have separate bedrooms. My dh snores and wakes me up we both suffer from 3am insomnia-if that happens, we like to listen to the radio to send us back to sleep. Bit difficult if you’re the only one awake. So my dh started going into the spare room and now it’s our thing. We go to bed together and I fall asleep cuddled up to him then he gets up and goes next door. In the morning, we get together again. It’s quite fun! And I look forward to seeing him in the morning when I wake up. So separate rooms work for us.

Because that way the OP is in control.

We sacrificed one of our utility rooms and turned it into a brand new bedroom for my snoring DH about 6 months ago.

I’ve put up with his snoring for so many years, which as only getting worse, and I was permanently exhausted from broken sleep.

He says he doesn’t like sleeping apart but until he agrees to see a GP (which he won’t) then I’ve told him tough luck!

I think he quite likes having having his little man-pad really…..and it’s bliss being able to shut him away somewhere to watch all his football games without the rest of us having to watch them too 😂

Our marriage, and my sleep, have vastly improved since we started having separate bedrooms. Even if he did fix his snoring I still don’t think I’d want to share with him again 😂

The 1950s called, they wanted to know what time you'll be back.

We use a fan for most of the summer and autumn and sometimes into the winter. The fan sound drowns out any snoring sound - it's like white noise and works a dream.
I often try to go to bed and sleep before dh and am not disturbed by him after I am asleep.

Don't pay the MRAs any attention.

Don't expect them to get your username either, and not just because they've never read any book that wasn't made of chewable cotton/viscose.

Another thread full of surrendered wives, secret men or worshippers of the peen. Mental. 😂

Of course this belligerent and selfish fucker should be the one to move, he’s causing the disturbance and worse, refusing to do anything about it.