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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

567 replies

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:16

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah'
I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent.
I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre.
Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 09/10/2023 22:19

Is this because a child lives between two homes? Otherwise I don’t see how this works.

EVHead · 09/10/2023 22:19

Who are we talking about here?

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:19

@Merryoldgoat yes. One parent has a new partner and child.

OP posts:
Whysolon · 09/10/2023 22:20

Sorry please can you repeat. You’ve lost me..

Ivebeentogeorgia · 09/10/2023 22:21

You need to be more specific.

crumblingschools · 09/10/2023 22:22

If you read any step parenting threads it is okay to go on holiday and take DC in new relationship and leave DC from first family behind

WYorkshireRose · 09/10/2023 22:23

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:19

@Merryoldgoat yes. One parent has a new partner and child.

Right. So presumably your exH/exP has a new relationship/child and is choosing to take them on holiday for a week without inviting your shared DC?

Ratfinkstinkypink · 09/10/2023 22:23

Is dad going with his new partner and their child and leaving his child from a previous relationship behind?

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:23

@WYorkshireRose that's about the gist of it

OP posts:
Circumferences · 09/10/2023 22:24

I'd have thought it was common in split-up families

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:24

It's such a kid friendly holiday as well (centre parcs) and it's not something I could afford at the moment

OP posts:
Goodornot · 09/10/2023 22:24

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:23

@WYorkshireRose that's about the gist of it

I don't see a problem. You can take your child on holiday yourself.

Thelondonone · 09/10/2023 22:25

Loads of reasons, one lives with the other parent and they go in term time? A hobby for one and not the other. You need to explain this so we can decide.

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:25

@Circumferences I don't think it should be common for men to forget they have two children not one.

OP posts:
MummytoAAandX · 09/10/2023 22:26

I have a DD with my exDH and I go on holiday with my DH and two DSs. We take her on holiday as well but she also has holidays with her dad. No one is losing out and it's not about not loving them all the same, it's just the situation. It's the same with days out. Some she's with us and some she isn't. You can't stay at home all the time just because one child is with their other parent. You've got to live your life

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:26

It's never about just the amount of holidays though. It's quality time with that other parent. I could take DC away but it wouldn't give them more time with their dad. Only their dad taking them away could do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:28

@MummytoAAandX but to not ask is different. How would you feel if your husband got into a new relationship and didn't invite your DS's?

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 09/10/2023 22:28

I wouldn't do it myself but I can see why this happens.

Rightly or wrongly, it's possible the new partner doesn't have a bond with the step child or even finds it actively hard to parent / be around them depending on the exact ages / stages etc.

The DC might fight / not get on when together or is one a newborn / toddler and the other a teen? That would make it very very hard to find a holiday that suits both.

It's hard without more info.

So I can fully see why the other adult who's holiday it also is, gets a say in who attends that holiday. And if the parent with previous children is a bit weak, then they would choose to go with the partner not make the case for their DC.

Surely you could see that even if you don't agree with it?

OnAir · 09/10/2023 22:28

crumblingschools · 09/10/2023 22:22

If you read any step parenting threads it is okay to go on holiday and take DC in new relationship and leave DC from first family behind

It is if those kids don't travel well, can't behave and won't eat any of the food. I certainly won't be missing out on going on holiday and neither will my children because they do travel, can behave and will eat anything.

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:29

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:26

It's never about just the amount of holidays though. It's quality time with that other parent. I could take DC away but it wouldn't give them more time with their dad. Only their dad taking them away could do that.

maybe it is the other partner's holiday and they have not invited your child, why would they?

I don't see the issue - this is a step family so not all children are going to go away with all parents, are they?

Flyingcarpetintraining · 09/10/2023 22:29

MummytoAAandX · 09/10/2023 22:26

I have a DD with my exDH and I go on holiday with my DH and two DSs. We take her on holiday as well but she also has holidays with her dad. No one is losing out and it's not about not loving them all the same, it's just the situation. It's the same with days out. Some she's with us and some she isn't. You can't stay at home all the time just because one child is with their other parent. You've got to live your life

There’s a big difference between a day out and a holiday! You may feel it’s not about not loving them all the same but think how it feels to the ‘left behind’ child.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/10/2023 22:29

But if your child goes away with you and their father but their half sibling only goes with the father then your child gets twice the number of holidays. It also depends on who is paying for it and if it is a cheap deal in term time when presumably your child should be in school but the sibling is too young. It is the wider situation which may be relevant not this holiday.

VeridicalVagabond · 09/10/2023 22:29

Isn't this fairly common with split families though? My friend has a daughter and a step daughter and the step daughter doesn't always come on holidays with her and her husband and daughter. When families separate and blend and mix up it's sort of inevitable that not all children are going to be able to be included all the time. It's not ideal but it happens.

TotalOverhaul · 09/10/2023 22:30

I totally agree with you op. It mystifies me, the knots people get into justifying why they ignore and underfund children from a first marriage while playing happy families in a second marriage. It's cruel and immature.

Pacificisolated · 09/10/2023 22:30

It is abominable behaviour, however in reality many of these previously divorced men are inadequate fathers who wouldn’t be caring for their kids themselves. Understandably their new wife isn’t keen on the extra work of another child who isn’t theirs.