Page 6 | Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

Tunisbaby · 2023-10-09T21:16:31+00:00

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah' I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent. I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre. Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

Ylvamoon · 10/10/2023 07:54

I think the age gap between DC's can also be a factor.

Part of our family holiday ledgends is teen SDC sitting on the couch all dressed in white- including brand new trainers!
We were going to a farm park... it was autumn half term!
It wasn't that we didn't care about SDC, but with a 10 year age gap, holidays were always tricky.

Plus, we love the outdoors, SDC idea of a torture chamber! So camping, hiking, canoeing and Co. were always miserable for SDC. In the end it was holidays without SDC... and having gome through the teens stage with my own DC, I 'd say SDC was far happier being at home with mates!

SofiYol · 10/10/2023 07:55

fattytum · 10/10/2023 05:02

That would be why I have two post graduate degrees then 😂

The OP is complaining about having to spend time with their child, they want their ex to take them off their hands. That is what this is reading as.

There is absolutely no reason at all for the ex to be taking them on this holiday. It is a holiday with his partner and "other" family. Why would the ex's new partner want to take an additional child? Why would the OP want her child taken away?

This reads very much of the parents fighting NOT to be the one to have the child, and the ex has valid reasons for not having the child at this time but the OP doesn't.

So I am very much team ex here.

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You are completely making up a scenario to fit your own narrative.

Where on earth is it implied that the OP doesn’t want to spend time with her son?! It reads like a hurt mother who feels sad that her child is missing out.

You’re making yourself look very silly.

InterFactual · 10/10/2023 07:56

I was the child this happened to. Repeatedly.

To all the apologists, trust me your kids are hurt deep down. They may put on a brave face because they know they're supposed to act ok with it but it's a terrible way to parent.

As an adult I am very low contact with my father and our conversations are less meaningful than ones I have I with my neighbours while passing in the street. I suspect things like this contributed to our distance. It sent a clear message that he had chosen his new family and rejected me.

To the OP, your kid deserves better and I hope you can spend the time doing nice comforting things at home with them to make them feel better.

floofbag · 10/10/2023 07:59

Because presumably the new wife doesn't want to parent your child whilst on holiday ?

I can't blame her but I'm not sure why your child needs to know ?

Why not keep it quiet and say he is 'away'

Branleuse · 10/10/2023 08:01

floofbag · 10/10/2023 07:59

Because presumably the new wife doesn't want to parent your child whilst on holiday ?

I can't blame her but I'm not sure why your child needs to know ?

Why not keep it quiet and say he is 'away'

Yes I'd definitely try not to tell the child. Upsetting .

socks1107 · 10/10/2023 08:03

My daughters haven't been invited on holiday with their Dad in maybe 10 years. He holidays all over the world on most school holidays, but with his wife and their daughter. He's taken my two for three nights five years ago to Bournemouth. No idea why other than he's a dad that bothers with the two children we had when it looks good on social media. I call him the occasion Dad

Dontcallmescarface · 10/10/2023 08:05

Because, in my Ex's case the "other" families half term holiday fell on a different week than DD's. If the LEA's got their act together and unified half term dates he would have been able to include her in some holidays.

Happhappyhappy · 10/10/2023 08:06

I go away without my DD multiple times a year. For example, If she’s on holiday during half term with her Dad, should I not be allowed to go away with my DH and younger DD. By your argument, we should just sit at home because ‘it’s not about the holiday, it’s about quality time that she would be missing out on’

LondonLass91 · 10/10/2023 08:10

I think it's terrible. If you have a child and get into a new relationship with someone who either already has a child or you have one with them, I think it is appalling. You have a child, you don't get to play happy families with someone else whilst your first born stays at home. And 'partner' eugh, he can afford to have kids with different women but not get married.

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/10/2023 08:11

We have elder DS and younger DTwins.

We took younger DTwins to Butlins for a week. DS was unable to come, because he was at school, and stayed with nan and grandad for the week and had a great time. Also, the age gap meant that the week would have been rubbish for DTwins waiting around whilst DS did stuff they couldn't do, and vice versa.

Eldest DS did plenty with us before DTwins were born. When more siblings arrive, time is shared. DTwins don't do half the stuff DS did before them. Now, we do things all together, and we do things separately. No one gets snarky about that, because it's normal. DS wasn't phased at all about not coming to Butlins because we made sure to explain that he wouldn't be missing out on much of interest to him. It's only an issue if you make it one.

Every child doesn't have to come to everything.

DS is going away with just DH for a few days to France later this month. And DTwins aren't invited. Which is fine! Why on earth would I be telling DH he was "disgusting" for not including all our DC?

According to this thread, DTwins shouldn't ever have enjoyable week to themselves either, because their brother wasn't there.

I don't understand why in a blended family, people think their child has to come to everything, when in a nuclear family, this doesn't happen all the time.

SeptemberSuns · 10/10/2023 08:13

Take your own child on holiday if you feel so strongly about it. Why should the step mum have to take your child on her family holiday? She probably puts up with way more than she has to for the sake of her step child.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 10/10/2023 08:13

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:19

@Merryoldgoat yes. One parent has a new partner and child.

Well, I was the older child (I suppose I still am the oldest. Although not a child anymore😅) in this kind of situation.

Is it you that feels this way or is it your child? DO NOT tell your child that they should feel excluded or put out by this.

It is perfectly fine to not constantly include all of your biological children. As long as this is more or less balanced. He should plan activities that´s just him and DC1. Whether that´s a whole vacation, a weekend away, Sunday afternoons etc. I personally remember my father doing this and I absolutely loved it!

The important thing would be quality time, making sure DC1 feels included and appreciated. As you said in your last post: Holidays don't make up for all that.

autumniscomingsoon · 10/10/2023 08:15

SeptemberSuns · 10/10/2023 08:13

Take your own child on holiday if you feel so strongly about it. Why should the step mum have to take your child on her family holiday? She probably puts up with way more than she has to for the sake of her step child.

How can they be a decent step mum if they want to exclude a child they new their partner already had when they got together? If they want to exclude a child like that then it says a lot about them

Lastchancechica · 10/10/2023 08:16

SeptemberSuns · 10/10/2023 08:13

Take your own child on holiday if you feel so strongly about it. Why should the step mum have to take your child on her family holiday? She probably puts up with way more than she has to for the sake of her step child.

She has already said she can’t afford it, and as the child has a father as well HE should be providing for his child.

Raisinnola · 10/10/2023 08:17

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:40

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

You go away with your child and partner

She goes away with her child and partner

You are being very entitled to think they should be babysitting for you in their holiday.

Why don't you want to be with your child during this time?

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It’s not babysitting when she’s the child step mother and father is also there, fathers do not babysit their own children, they look after them the exact way mothers do.

Don’t try to shame OP by asking why she doesn’t want to be with her child, that’s so immature and unkind, she realises that her child is being left out and is unhappy about it, nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with them.

OP, I completely agree with you, it’s not on and probably pretty awful for your child. There appears to be a lot of posters on here who are clearly the type of people who think it appropriate to exclude an innocent child under the guise of wanting to be able to spend time just as their own family and hate getting called out on being selfish and unkind.
you’re right, he was a dad first, any woman getting into a relationship with a man who is already a dad should accept that his children come as part of him and should be included in their life as a whole, if that’s something they don’t want to accept then they should find a man without kids.

Topsyturvy33 · 10/10/2023 08:19

DP is still waiting to here back from his ex to see if his children can come on our family holiday… he’s messaged her four times since August… it’s not always the ‘new’ families fault.

Lastchancechica · 10/10/2023 08:21

There are some really pathetic and shit Dads around, that’s for sure. And some of the women that have been lumbered with them the second time around can look forward to their own offspring being dumped when he finds a new catch! A younger model and a new baby.
I wonder how fun it will feel then when the stepmothers are on the receiving end. When the next wife decides unilaterally their kids aren’t worth the effort. What comes around, goes around.

SeptemberSuns · 10/10/2023 08:22

Lastchancechica · 10/10/2023 08:16

She has already said she can’t afford it, and as the child has a father as well HE should be providing for his child.

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I would well imagine he is already providing for his child. Mum needs to do the same, too many think that its only the dad's responsibility to support the child. The mother needs to also and not leave it to the dad and step mum!

clappyjay · 10/10/2023 08:25

LondonLass91 · 10/10/2023 08:10

I think it's terrible. If you have a child and get into a new relationship with someone who either already has a child or you have one with them, I think it is appalling. You have a child, you don't get to play happy families with someone else whilst your first born stays at home. And 'partner' eugh, he can afford to have kids with different women but not get married.

This!

would the replies be supportive of a mum leaving one of her biological children behind whilst she holidays with the other/s? I doubt it.

Lastchancechica · 10/10/2023 08:26

SeptemberSuns · 10/10/2023 08:22

I would well imagine he is already providing for his child. Mum needs to do the same, too many think that its only the dad's responsibility to support the child. The mother needs to also and not leave it to the dad and step mum!

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Oh because it is so easy being a single mother because your loser of a husband abandons his children. The onus is on the father to provide equally for all of his children assuming he wants a decent long term relationship with them.

PostOfficeInTheCoop · 10/10/2023 08:26

Haven't RTFT so someone might have made this point but we couldn't take step child on the holiday (4 day weekend so Mon/Fri off school) because their mother had already taken them out of school for a week. She knew what we had booked but did that anyway. My partner refused them to miss anymore school. Next holiday will be school holiday time, then they will come.

yogasaurus · 10/10/2023 08:27

We had with holidays both with SDC and without. So does every other blended family I know.

Terfosaurus · 10/10/2023 08:28

SeptemberSuns · 10/10/2023 08:22

I would well imagine he is already providing for his child. Mum needs to do the same, too many think that its only the dad's responsibility to support the child. The mother needs to also and not leave it to the dad and step mum!

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Unless he lives in the garden at his Mum's house, is naked and isn't fed Mum is supporting him. I'd bet she's doing a lot more than Dad is.

Snowpatrolling · 10/10/2023 08:30

My mum used to leave me at home and take my brother! She didn’t like me very much! We no longer speak!

BorrowersAreVermin · 10/10/2023 08:31

My brother and I never got to go on holidays with our dad and step family. Our mum couldn't afford to take us anywhere either so we had a period where our grandparents would take us away every other year instead.

Now I'm older I get the side of it that it was the only holiday step siblings got and we'd get to go away with grandparents, but as a kid you don't half feel excluded from that family unit.