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Original poster

Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

567 replies

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:16

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah'
I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent.
I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre.
Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 09/10/2023 23:02

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:40

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

You go away with your child and partner

She goes away with her child and partner

You are being very entitled to think they should be babysitting for you in their holiday.

Why don't you want to be with your child during this time?

Show quote history

No. The stepmother goes away with her partner and their mutual child - the sibling of the child left at home. Her charmer of a partner has chosen to leave one of his children out of a child-focused holiday and she is thick enough to think that is a good thing. It isn't. If anything happens their little family she and her child will be treated just the same.

As for "babysitting for you in their holiday" clearly you believe that little babies are born with one parent - the mother - and everyone else is just "babysitting" for the entitled bitches.

It is a sucky thing to do by any standards, OP, but there you go - that's who your ex is.

PurpleBrocadePeacock · 09/10/2023 23:02

I was the step child in this situation. Both my parents would do it. My mum would send me to my dad’s and go on holiday with my step father. Then my mum would
come back and I’d be at her house while my dad, step mum and half-sibling went on holiday.

I am not really close with either of them as an adult. I also don’t have many shared memories/experiences with my half sibling either.

Pallisers · 09/10/2023 23:03

it is funny how the shit reality of blended families always affects the children.

I mean you could say well when you have a blended family you end up with step children on your hols - that's the shit reality of blended families. But it doesn't seem to work that way.

sandyhappypeople · 09/10/2023 23:05

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:39

@crumblingschools I am a stepchild and my stepdad would never had done this. I was always completely included in everything.

Did you live with your stepdad OP?

I think it's very uncaring that he's not included your child in a kiddie holiday, but does your child have overnights with them normally, what's the normal contact arrangement?

How old is his other child?

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 23:06

@Pallisers I agree, when they didn't ask to be put in this situation, yet all the adults involved did understand the situation but now it's their happiness which is prioritised.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 23:07

I don't want to answer any specifics as it'll be too outing and I think her sister is on here and will know.

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/10/2023 23:10

crumblingschools · 09/10/2023 22:22

If you read any step parenting threads it is okay to go on holiday and take DC in new relationship and leave DC from first family behind

That's definitely not my take!

Thisismynewusername1 · 09/10/2023 23:18

dh used to go on holiday with his dc and leave me and our shared dc behind 🤷‍♀️

he went and spent quality time with them.

the dynamics of a blended family are difficult. If I went, we couldn’t share a room so it would be him and his dc in one room, me and ours in another. Doubling the cost. He’d be parenting his, leaving me to care for ours.

might as well go on two separate holidays.

when ours got older we took them on holiday without sdc, and they went on holiday without dh. Dh still went away with his as well.

we never really went together because of the above- the cost was prohibitive, and it felt like two separate families going to the same place rather that a “proper”family holiday. That and the ex never gave us their passports so we couldn’t take the chance they’d actually not be able to go.

Imjusttootired · 09/10/2023 23:19

This thread is 😞
why People think this is acceptable is beyond me and why people get in to different relationships and have children with someone who wouldn’t include their previous DC is ridiculous and the many people who defend the behaviour is just as bad !

sandyhappypeople · 09/10/2023 23:19

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/10/2023 23:10

That's definitely not my take!

Show quote history

I think they were being sarcastic..

I find on SP threads, there are people who think SC shouldn't be treated any different from step / half siblings, no matter the family setup.. then there are the VERY vocal 'NOT MY CHILD, NOT MY PROBLEM' posters who jump all over anyone who shows any empathy at all.

under it all there's normally a very disappointed child.

Livelovebehappy · 09/10/2023 23:21

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:29

maybe it is the other partner's holiday and they have not invited your child, why would they?

I don't see the issue - this is a step family so not all children are going to go away with all parents, are they?

Show quote history

Erm, the other parent’s holiday? If going with OPs ex, then presumably it’s both their holiday? And of course he should invite his dc along. Why is it okay for her to take her dc, but not okay for him to take his? Op, he sounds like a twat, but unfortunately you can’t make someone be a decent human being.

Original poster
Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 23:27

It's not the holiday. Step kids often have four holidays a year. That doesn't make up for having their name written in red pen all over the calendar like an overdue bill, or having to hear hushed irritated conversations about when their due to be dropped back and can they not drop them back earlier before the Chinese takeaway is delivered or before strictly starts or seeing a grandparent they barely know and aren't related to tell them off or very visibly favour their sibling. Holidays don't make up for all that.
This is why I would never get with anyone with kids or who didn't like kids. Being a stepchild is awful for the majority!

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 09/10/2023 23:28

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:40

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

You go away with your child and partner

She goes away with her child and partner

You are being very entitled to think they should be babysitting for you in their holiday.

Why don't you want to be with your child during this time?

Show quote history

Seriously? You’re actually suggesting that the father shouldn’t be ‘babysitting’ his own dc? And we wonder why men are so self entitled when they have women who actually think their husbands are baby sitters, and shouldn’t have parenting responsibilities…..

fattytum · 09/10/2023 23:33

Livelovebehappy · 09/10/2023 23:28

Seriously? You’re actually suggesting that the father shouldn’t be ‘babysitting’ his own dc? And we wonder why men are so self entitled when they have women who actually think their husbands are baby sitters, and shouldn’t have parenting responsibilities…..

Show quote history

The OP is complaining about having to be with their child when they don't want to be, rather than enjoying their company and making them feel wanted

Booklover40 · 09/10/2023 23:35

I agree with you OP.

Can you imagine a mother taking her new dh and their dc on holiday and leaving her older child from a previous relationship behind?

No. Coz it doesn’t happen - it’s the bellend fathers who do this (often so as not to upset the new partner). But you’ll get lots of second wives/SM’s coming on saying it’s perfectly acceptable.

Tell that to the kid who always gets left behind and grows up with a shitload of issues.

Bouncyball23 · 09/10/2023 23:35

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/10/2023 22:29

But if your child goes away with you and their father but their half sibling only goes with the father then your child gets twice the number of holidays. It also depends on who is paying for it and if it is a cheap deal in term time when presumably your child should be in school but the sibling is too young. It is the wider situation which may be relevant not this holiday.

Ridiculous comment child that lives with father sees him everyday and has plenty off bonding time and goes on holiday with both parents so knows no difference. He is the father off 2 children and should treat them both equally so holiday with them both together or take other child away separately!!!

Terfosaurus · 09/10/2023 23:38

It depends imo. Does he ever take your DC on holiday? Days out?

My ex didn't. He'd merrily tell the DC that he wouldn't see them that weekend (sometimes sending the message after he was due to pick them up) because they'd gone on a "family holiday".
Or they could come over but not stay all day as they were going out for dinner/ having a takeaway and couldn't afford it for all the dc. They also weren't included on days out or allowed to sleepover. Weirdly they were expected to help tidy the bedrooms as "that's what we do on Saturdays here"
Wtf!

However, if it was one out of multiple holidays that they couldn't go on, and were included in most other things it wouldn't have mattered.

Booklover40 · 09/10/2023 23:40

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

What a disgusting attitude.

I seriously hope you don’t have step-children.

You marry a man with children - you take on the children - it’s not just about you and what you want anymore. leaving a child out of a holiday they would love bc you want to play happy families but only on your terms with the one you gave birth to is fucking horrible.

sandyhappypeople · 09/10/2023 23:41

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 23:27

It's not the holiday. Step kids often have four holidays a year. That doesn't make up for having their name written in red pen all over the calendar like an overdue bill, or having to hear hushed irritated conversations about when their due to be dropped back and can they not drop them back earlier before the Chinese takeaway is delivered or before strictly starts or seeing a grandparent they barely know and aren't related to tell them off or very visibly favour their sibling. Holidays don't make up for all that.
This is why I would never get with anyone with kids or who didn't like kids. Being a stepchild is awful for the majority!

Oh my god the whispering! That takes me back, and not in a good way.

The problem is children think they are to blame for all of the above, they have no power or influence to change anything and feel guilty if they don't really want to visit the step family, but then never really feel at home there, they'll end up trying and trying to be 'better' so the step parent 'likes' them and accepts them as equal, without realising that it will never work because the reason they don't feel welcome is because they are a physical embodiment of a time when their partner had another family.. I'm projecting as I lived it for years, but it's a common tale.

Why do you even want them to go? The best holiday on the planet couldn't make up for being treated like a second class citizen while they're there?

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2023 23:45

Booklover40 · 09/10/2023 23:35

I agree with you OP.

Can you imagine a mother taking her new dh and their dc on holiday and leaving her older child from a previous relationship behind?

No. Coz it doesn’t happen - it’s the bellend fathers who do this (often so as not to upset the new partner). But you’ll get lots of second wives/SM’s coming on saying it’s perfectly acceptable.

Tell that to the kid who always gets left behind and grows up with a shitload of issues.

You don’t have to imagine it. At least two posters on here have said they do exactly that.

NumberTheory · 10/10/2023 00:43

Is he forgetting about your joint DS or just working on his relationship with his new partner and other child for this one week? I know many fathers do leave their other children behind when they “move on” with another relationship, but doing something special without one of their children isn’t necessarily a sign of that.

My DH and I have taken one child away without the other (and we’re both parents to both children), both together and separately. Kids benefit hugely from attention without siblings, and subsequent children more so than the eldest because the eldest normally benefits from the years before others come along and from the special status of being the most mature of the children.

How is your ex with DS the rest of the time? How much time does he spend on a regular basis? If you’re concerned about his relationship with DS, have you suggested he have DS for more time each week? Does his dad ever take DS off to do things just the two of them?

Pallisers · 10/10/2023 00:47

fattytum · 09/10/2023 23:33

The OP is complaining about having to be with their child when they don't want to be, rather than enjoying their company and making them feel wanted

Show quote history

No she is not. She is complaining that the father of her child is not including his son in his family holiday.

I had to point that out but I am sorry your reading comprehension skills are so low. It is a real problem for many. I suspect it handicaps you in many areas of life.

autumniscomingsoon · 10/10/2023 00:49

Booklover40 · 09/10/2023 23:40

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

What a disgusting attitude.

I seriously hope you don’t have step-children.

You marry a man with children - you take on the children - it’s not just about you and what you want anymore. leaving a child out of a holiday they would love bc you want to play happy families but only on your terms with the one you gave birth to is fucking horrible.

Completely agree

Willyoujustbequiet · 10/10/2023 00:49

I agree OP. I never could and I can't understand those that do.

fattytum · 10/10/2023 05:02

Pallisers · 10/10/2023 00:47

No she is not. She is complaining that the father of her child is not including his son in his family holiday.

I had to point that out but I am sorry your reading comprehension skills are so low. It is a real problem for many. I suspect it handicaps you in many areas of life.

Show quote history

That would be why I have two post graduate degrees then 😂

The OP is complaining about having to spend time with their child, they want their ex to take them off their hands. That is what this is reading as.

There is absolutely no reason at all for the ex to be taking them on this holiday. It is a holiday with his partner and "other" family. Why would the ex's new partner want to take an additional child? Why would the OP want her child taken away?

This reads very much of the parents fighting NOT to be the one to have the child, and the ex has valid reasons for not having the child at this time but the OP doesn't.

So I am very much team ex here.