Page 2 | Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

Tunisbaby · 2023-10-09T21:16:31+00:00

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah' I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent. I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre. Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

TrailingLoellia · 09/10/2023 22:31

Because the child will be the odd one out, the third wheel.
It’s not all happy families when you are the child from a prior relationship tagging on with a parent plus their new family.
It can actually be heart wrenching.

If anything, ask for your ex to book a holiday just him and DS1, without his new family. That would be much better for the child.

Original poster

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:32

You cannot say that you're one big blended happy family when you don't invite both of your biological children on holiday. It would be different if the child didn't want to go, but to just drop off and say 'won't see you next week as we're away byyeee' is cold. I can't see how it isn't.

OP posts:

thatwassociopathic · 09/10/2023 22:32

Is the ostracised child normally included in this new family setup? If they're all integrated already then yeah it's really shit. If they're not used to spending time as a blended fam, as long as he does something separately with your child I'd not be fussed.

Smartiepants79 · 09/10/2023 22:33

Who’s paying?
How well do the children get on?
How we’ll do the child and step-parent get on?
How does the child behave whilst with step family?
What other holiday opportunities does each child get?
This is a much more complicated situation than you’re making out. I suspect its common in split families and is just one of the minefields of being a child of two families.

Biscuitmonster2318 · 09/10/2023 22:34

I have done this repeatedly through the years. I’m a single parent with 4 kids. We have a holiday together, but during the year for bday’s i will take each away for a few days. It’s really nice to have some time together exploring and enjoying each other’s company. I feel that I can then ensure each child has time doing exactly what they want and my absolute attention.
I have children ranging from 27- 13 and all wants to do different things. So the holidays together then it’s about compromise.
but i love having our own holidays together too

luckysonofagun · 09/10/2023 22:34

My exh couldn't afford to take all (6!) of his children away so he just took the two he lived with. Otherwise they would never get a holiday. My dd get to go away with me.

WingedHermes · 09/10/2023 22:34

I lived with my dad, step mum and two siblings and three step siblings. They all went away without me. I was 18 and in full time education. Turns out it's quite easy for parents to do that sort of thing.

SofiYol · 09/10/2023 22:36

Smartiepants79 · 09/10/2023 22:33

Who’s paying?
How well do the children get on?
How we’ll do the child and step-parent get on?
How does the child behave whilst with step family?
What other holiday opportunities does each child get?
This is a much more complicated situation than you’re making out. I suspect its common in split families and is just one of the minefields of being a child of two families.

In answer to the holiday cost question, at CP you pay for the lodge, not the amount of people in it.

If there are two adults and one child they would still need a two bedroom lodge, at the very least they will have a double room and a twin room. Sometimes 3 beds work out the same price as a 2 bed so they could have that, but there is definitely a bed spare in that accommodation and other than spending money/food the price of the holiday would have been the same.

AelinAshriver · 09/10/2023 22:37

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:32

You cannot say that you're one big blended happy family when you don't invite both of your biological children on holiday. It would be different if the child didn't want to go, but to just drop off and say 'won't see you next week as we're away byyeee' is cold. I can't see how it isn't.

Perhaps you need to go for a court ordered custody agreement of he can just flake out of parenting each weekend whenever he wants?

Smartiepants79 · 09/10/2023 22:37

But if the new partner has paid for the lot?? She paying for a holiday for her family?

Original poster

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:38

@Smartiepants79 but her family should include him, that's what she married into! She married a dad not just some random guy. He was a dad first.

OP posts:

crumblingschools · 09/10/2023 22:38

I assume it is just one of the shit things that happen when you become a stepchild

Original poster

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:39

@crumblingschools I am a stepchild and my stepdad would never had done this. I was always completely included in everything.

OP posts:

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:40

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:32

You cannot say that you're one big blended happy family when you don't invite both of your biological children on holiday. It would be different if the child didn't want to go, but to just drop off and say 'won't see you next week as we're away byyeee' is cold. I can't see how it isn't.

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

You go away with your child and partner

She goes away with her child and partner

You are being very entitled to think they should be babysitting for you in their holiday.

Why don't you want to be with your child during this time?

Thanksforreading · 09/10/2023 22:40

Have you spoken to him about it?

SeulementUneFois · 09/10/2023 22:40

Yes but stepdads aren’t the default child care on holidays, not being women.

SofiYol · 09/10/2023 22:41

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:40

but this is the step mothers holiday, yes? She doesn't want to take your child, obviously. She want to take her partner. She doesn't want to take your child. Why would she want to take your child on her holiday?

It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

You go away with your child and partner

She goes away with her child and partner

You are being very entitled to think they should be babysitting for you in their holiday.

Why don't you want to be with your child during this time?

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It’s his dads weekend!

crumblingschools · 09/10/2023 22:42

@fattytum so when does this child go on holiday with his dad?

UsingChangeofName · 09/10/2023 22:51

There are so many reasons - even if we weren't talking about 2 different families living in two different family reasons.
I'm surprised you can't even think of one reason, tbh.

Nocturna · 09/10/2023 22:52

You’re being purposefully obtuse. What’s the point of asking a question if you are unable to listen to the answers?

MayThe4th · 09/10/2023 22:53

OP I agree with you, it’s shit.

I think that if e.g. the other parent sticks rigidly to a schedule and won’t be moved then it’s understandable. I also think that things like days out are going to happen regardless of whether the child is there or not, but I think that if the child is in a position to go, then just booking a holiday and not inviting them is horrible. Especially if they’re going on holiday means the child won’t get to see that parent for the days they otherwise would.

But you’ll get the posts here from people saying how they should have a say in whether the children of the man they chose to be in a relationship with should be allowed on holiday, how they would love a holiday with just their little family. Etc etc.

YireosDodeAver · 09/10/2023 22:59

Does your child go there EOW or is it 50:50 or somewhere in between?

I think you are coming across as overly-dramatic. Your ex isn't "forgetting" about hos other child if he does stuff without them. It's perfectly legitimate for them to do fun stuff on the days that your DC is with you, and it's totally fine for that to include a trip to centre parcs, especially if its on a weekend where they wouldn't have the older dc. Would you accuse a man of "forgetting" he has 2dc of he takes his younger child who lives with him full time to the cinema on a day that the older child us with his ex? It's such an odd attitude. He isn't supposed to be sitting around doing nothing but weeping until the next day he can have his older child.

Is the new half-sibling younger than school age, and the timing of the holiday incompatible with a child attending school which your older DC does? That would be a perfectly reasonable set of circumstances too.

Children aren't generally "invited" on holidays with their parents. Parents arrange holidays and take their children. If a parent has one child only 2/14ths of the time it follows that child will on average over the years only be there on 2/14ths of holiday days. There for some, not for others.

I think yabu.

Fiddlerdragon · 09/10/2023 22:59

fattytum · 09/10/2023 22:29

maybe it is the other partner's holiday and they have not invited your child, why would they?

I don't see the issue - this is a step family so not all children are going to go away with all parents, are they?

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This. For a start it’s not quality time with their dad, it’s a holiday with dads girlfriend and child. And you say you can’t afford a holiday op. But you expect his dads girlfriend to pay towards a holiday for your child. Is it utterly shit that your ds doesn’t get to go on the ‘2nd family’ holidays? Yes. It also can’t be expected that dads girlfriend can’t go on holidays just with her own partner and child and has to always be responsible for yours too. It’s the shit reality of blended families. Your son isn’t going to get twice the holidays as normal, it doesn’t work like that

Catsmere · 09/10/2023 23:00

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:28

@MummytoAAandX but to not ask is different. How would you feel if your husband got into a new relationship and didn't invite your DS's?

Relieved, from the point of view of the child!

My father did this, waltzed off with his latest light o’ love and that was pretty much it. But her’d never been interested in me as a child (he took me to a film once - that was it) so he was no loss. You can’t force an indifferent man to be a decent father and frankly I don’t think they’re worth it.

Titchyfeep · 09/10/2023 23:00

I’m assuming blended family. I have 3 kids. My eldest was from a previous relationship and spends more time with her dad than me. She does come on family holidays but there will be occasions when she stays with her dad and me and my husband take our 2 other children away. I don’t feel bad for doing so.