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Original poster

Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

567 replies

Tunisbaby · 09/10/2023 22:16

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah'
I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent.
I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre.
Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

OP posts:
Dollyparton3 · 12/10/2023 12:04

@sandyhappypeople probably because all of his funds go on maintenance and other ways to financially support the child? In our case there wasn't a magic money tree to take funds from. My DH was cleaned out after paying his ex + contributing to our household so I paid for all the fun stuff.

notlucreziaborgia · 12/10/2023 12:23

“My ex is like that. He will take one of our two kids and leave the other one behind as he knows eldest doesn't want to spend a week at his dad girlfriend”

im not sure what he’s supposed to do in that situation then? Not take either? Not go on holiday at all? Attempt to force the eldest to go on a holiday he doesn’t want to go on, that won’t be enjoyable for anyone?

ErinAoife · 12/10/2023 14:25

notlucreziaborgia · 12/10/2023 12:23

“My ex is like that. He will take one of our two kids and leave the other one behind as he knows eldest doesn't want to spend a week at his dad girlfriend”

im not sure what he’s supposed to do in that situation then? Not take either? Not go on holiday at all? Attempt to force the eldest to go on a holiday he doesn’t want to go on, that won’t be enjoyable for anyone?

In this case he should have informed me that he will not take his kid on holiday with the other sibling instead of leaving him in his home without my knowledge (he is only 15, I don't think it is right to leave him on his own device for a week)I only knew about it by chance as i met my son in town. He doesn't spend much time with his own kids as he prioritise his girlfriend and her kids.

Mojomarvel · 12/10/2023 14:56

Just bloody tight! 🤣

FaithHowells · 12/10/2023 14:59

My ex does exactly this, my DD is 11 and has never been taken to so much as a caravan park. ExH, his wife and their daughter go abroad for 10 days every year. DD has never been invited and they know they're in the wrong as they do it sneakily, this year she got the long abroad dialling tone when she rang him which was a lovely way for her to find out.

I'm really surprised how many posters have defended it, my DD gets to go on holiday with me and her step dad but it's not the point - it makes her feel completely unwanted and excluded.

tootyflooty · 12/10/2023 15:07

I think this is appalling, we always took my DSD with us on holiday, how can a parent go on a family holiday and not take all their children. We didn't always take her on days out if they fell on the days she wasn't with us, but would never have deliberatley excluded her. So yes, she had more holidays than my other children, but it's not her fault she comes from a blended family.

Tryingmybestadhd · 12/10/2023 18:22

Dollyparton3 · 12/10/2023 12:04

@sandyhappypeople probably because all of his funds go on maintenance and other ways to financially support the child? In our case there wasn't a magic money tree to take funds from. My DH was cleaned out after paying his ex + contributing to our household so I paid for all the fun stuff.

Did you have more children with him ? If so don’t you think if a guy cannot support his previous children he shouldn’t have more ?

Boomboom22 · 12/10/2023 18:28

Weird how many people seem more concerned about rehoming a pet than what comes after divorce.
People are very much encouraged to ltb but suggest your dog or cat should be rehomed for any reasonable reason and people go mad on here.

sandyhappypeople · 12/10/2023 18:34

Dollyparton3 · 12/10/2023 12:04

@sandyhappypeople probably because all of his funds go on maintenance and other ways to financially support the child? In our case there wasn't a magic money tree to take funds from. My DH was cleaned out after paying his ex + contributing to our household so I paid for all the fun stuff.

It was just the way she put it that piqued my curiosity, it seemed a bit pointed, instead of saying we can’t afford more holidays, or husband can’t afford to pay more, saying she pays for all the holidays it’s almost like he won’t rather than he can’t just wondered that’s all.

ChristmasCrumpet · 12/10/2023 19:03

aSofaNearYou · 12/10/2023 09:02

In the holiday scenario, Ben's mum and dad can afford a term time break to take Ben away. Bills mum and dad can't afford the out of term time break to take Bill away. Bills not going, whether Ben goes or not. So, the question is, should Ben be denied something, that Bill would never have partaken in anyway, not because he wasn't wanted there, but because his parents can't afford it.

And on that point, the dad may have gone with Bill on holidays when they were pre school age and they could afford it, and now sees it as fair to do the same with Ben, so that both kids can at least have similar memories and experiences at the same age even if they're unlikely to get holidays once they each start school due to cost.

And yes I can see the comeback already - in a nuclear family with two kids, one school age and one not, parents often would not take just the youngest on similar trips to the one's they took the older child on, so the younger child would get the short straw and just have to deal with it, because they couldn't explain that to their oldest without it upsetting them. But this isn't a nuclear family, and in a blended family it is possible to facilitate that without upset being caused. So it's a question of whether you rigidly stick to how nuclear families work out of principle, or find a way of making the best of your different situation without upsetting anyone.

It's exactly this.

"Why aren't you behaving exactly like a nuclear family when I expect you too?"

"Because we aren't a nuclear family, so the expectation you have that have, needs to stop, and we all need to work on the basis of our current situation"

Dollyparton3 · 13/10/2023 06:55

@Tryingmybestadhd I'm very happily child free by choice. Not that my finances are in question

Dollyparton3 · 13/10/2023 07:50

And @Tryingmybestadhd and he can support his previous children. You try paying your own mortgage + an extra £500 on top to another house every month. Not easy hence my support

Mojomarvel · 13/10/2023 08:58

@sandyhappypeople sorry, I meant to reply but can’t work this app out.
Yes my DP pays support, he also funds a lot of DSS’ hobbies, and pays for a season ticket to which he takes DSS but not our shared DS. In all DSS gets plenty of 1:1 time with his dad. Re the holidays, DP pays all expenses while we are away, I earn more and if I want holidays then I need to book them because he just can’t be trusted 😂

Tryingmybestadhd · 13/10/2023 11:33

Dollyparton3 · 13/10/2023 06:55

@Tryingmybestadhd I'm very happily child free by choice. Not that my finances are in question

Then it’s not the same is it ?

YerArseInParsley · 13/10/2023 21:21

OnAir · 09/10/2023 22:28

It is if those kids don't travel well, can't behave and won't eat any of the food. I certainly won't be missing out on going on holiday and neither will my children because they do travel, can behave and will eat anything.

Show quote history

@OnAir
So...if u have 2 kids and one doesn't travel well u leave that child at home? I don't think so!

We are not talking about behaviour or travel sickness, op is talking about her ex having a family holiday and not inviting his other child. Seems to me tye dad doesn't see it as his job to take the oldest child on holiday. I think it's a bit shitty of him since he knows his child's mum can't afford to take him on holiday herself and they are going to a kid friendly resort.

YerArseInParsley · 13/10/2023 21:22

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/10/2023 22:29

But if your child goes away with you and their father but their half sibling only goes with the father then your child gets twice the number of holidays. It also depends on who is paying for it and if it is a cheap deal in term time when presumably your child should be in school but the sibling is too young. It is the wider situation which may be relevant not this holiday.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor
That's different, the step siblings is not the op's child.

YerArseInParsley · 13/10/2023 21:25

TrailingLoellia · 09/10/2023 22:31

Because the child will be the odd one out, the third wheel.
It’s not all happy families when you are the child from a prior relationship tagging on with a parent plus their new family.
It can actually be heart wrenching.

If anything, ask for your ex to book a holiday just him and DS1, without his new family. That would be much better for the child.

@TrailingLoellia
I'd love to know ex partners new partners thoughts on that. If they can't invite his kid on their family holiday surely she can't mind him going on holiday alone with his first kid. I suspect there WILL be issues but who knows.

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