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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childless comment

328 replies

Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:00

I'm 35. I've known since I was a teenager that having my own children wasn't a possibility. I haven't ever quite come to terms with it.

My little sister has 5 kids. The last being a mixed set of twins, two at Christmas. That would also be her only girl.

It's been a tumultuous relationship with my sister, but finally we are close.

She's always made a big thing of understanding my feelings about infertility and allowing me and DH a close relationship with her kids.

To the dilemma.

I have bought all the kids clothes over the years and always made sure to buy what their mum wanted. For Christmas I was super excited to buy baby girl a dress because I haven't bought dresses before. My sister told me the size and despite me asking multiple times, didn't have a style preference. She also said Vinted was fine, as she knows im fussy about quality.

So I bought a dress that DH and I both liked.

My sister HATED it and asked me to cancel the order. Which I did. To be honest, she was pretty vile about how much she hated the design. Fine, I understand. No problem.

But then she asked me if I could see her daughter in that. I can. She's worn colourful prints before. I said I'd dress my kid in that.

And that's when she said "well thank God you don't have children because you would dress them horribly."

I came off the phone and cried.

I don't mind honestly that she hated the dress.

But when she was glad I didn't have kids it broke my heart. AIBU?

I'm honestly scared to buy another dress.

OP posts:
MidnightOnceMore · 09/10/2023 20:03

Oh wow, that was a really wounding comment.

Are you able to tell her how you feel, is she usually a kind person?

Wineocloc · 09/10/2023 20:06

That’s a really awful thing to say to you and pretty unforgivable.

Could she perhaps feel you’re trying to muscle in a bit too much on her new babies?

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 09/10/2023 20:07

Maybe there's something going on for her and she's taking it out in you. It's a bit of an odd thing to be so nasty about, and it sounds out of character if she's been consistently supportive regarding understanding your feelings about your infertility.

thatwassociopathic · 09/10/2023 20:08

I think that's something she's said and instantly probably wished she could stuff the words back in. It's a flippant comment in bad taste and she'll be 100% sure you'd be a great mum. It's the kind of shit I'd say and want to die as soon as it's out. If she said that to someone who chose not to have kids they'd be laughing their head off, but thoughtless in this context x

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:08

MidnightOnceMore · 09/10/2023 20:03

Oh wow, that was a really wounding comment.

Are you able to tell her how you feel, is she usually a kind person?

She is usually very kind yes. Her reaction to the dress was unusual. If she doesn't like something she isn't normally that blunt.

Right now I'm too upset to talk to her. I'd just cry or shout.

My DH was planning on texting her instead.

OP posts:
RedSquirrelsRock · 09/10/2023 20:09

I'm known for being tactless but even I think that was such a nasty thing to say. I would have a chat with her and try to get to the bottom of it.

Trampley · 09/10/2023 20:10

What the hell! That was really nasty and ungrateful on her part. That's really hurtful. I'd struggle to forgive that.

Parpadew · 09/10/2023 20:10

What a total cow!!!!!!! Jesus H.

RedSquirrelsRock · 09/10/2023 20:10

I don't think i'd text, they can be taken out of context, maybe give it a day or to and then call her to meet up on neutral ground for a coffee maybe.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:11

Wineocloc · 09/10/2023 20:06

That’s a really awful thing to say to you and pretty unforgivable.

Could she perhaps feel you’re trying to muscle in a bit too much on her new babies?

I don't know how? I'm no longer living locally. She's never complained anytime I've helped out.

Two weeks ago we had her 6 year old for the day and she was delighted.

OP posts:
Trampley · 09/10/2023 20:11

A text from your DH is a bad idea, though.

Next time you see her, explain how hurtful her comment was. Face to face is a much better way to navigate these things.

Prinnny · 09/10/2023 20:11

If it’s not usually like her then speak to her once you’ve calmed down, don’t have DH do it for you! That could cause more harm than good!

I’d love to see a pic of the dress that’s caused this huge reaction tho!

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:12

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 09/10/2023 20:07

Maybe there's something going on for her and she's taking it out in you. It's a bit of an odd thing to be so nasty about, and it sounds out of character if she's been consistently supportive regarding understanding your feelings about your infertility.

Thank you. Yes, it's extremely out of character. I'm putting it down to stress because our mum is on holiday, so she has no child care

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 09/10/2023 20:14

Very hurtful. I’d wait and see if an apology is forthcoming. Agree with not getting your DH to muscle in, inappropriate. Give it a bit of time, see if she reaches out. You’d certainly hope so

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:14

thatwassociopathic · 09/10/2023 20:08

I think that's something she's said and instantly probably wished she could stuff the words back in. It's a flippant comment in bad taste and she'll be 100% sure you'd be a great mum. It's the kind of shit I'd say and want to die as soon as it's out. If she said that to someone who chose not to have kids they'd be laughing their head off, but thoughtless in this context x

Thank you. DH and I are chuckling at the image of my sister realising.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:15

RedSquirrelsRock · 09/10/2023 20:09

I'm known for being tactless but even I think that was such a nasty thing to say. I would have a chat with her and try to get to the bottom of it.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Strawberrycheesecake7 · 09/10/2023 20:15

What a horrible thing to say! Surely she must have had an awful day and was just getting angry about everything because if it’s truly the dress making her that angry then that’s ridiculous. Maybe give her a day or two to calm down and then let her know how much her comment hurt you and how incredibly inappropriate it was. Hopefully she’ll be really apologetic and you can try to move past it. If she isn’t then I would honestly start keeping my distance from her. You shouldn’t put up with being spoken to like that.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:16

Trampley · 09/10/2023 20:10

What the hell! That was really nasty and ungrateful on her part. That's really hurtful. I'd struggle to forgive that.

I honestly don't mind that she didn't like the dress. I'm completely unbothered.

But now I need to buy a new gift and I'm scared to

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/10/2023 20:18

Wineocloc · 09/10/2023 20:06

That’s a really awful thing to say to you and pretty unforgivable.

Could she perhaps feel you’re trying to muscle in a bit too much on her new babies?

Please don't make up excuses for her. There is no excuse for being an insensitive casty nunt.

batsandeggs · 09/10/2023 20:19

If it’s extremely out of character then I’d arrange a chat at some point when you feel able to. She absolutely needs to know how hurtful her comment was, and there’s no excuse for it. Equally, I can only assume there’s something deeper going on with her that is worth exploring too.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:19

Trampley · 09/10/2023 20:10

What the hell! That was really nasty and ungrateful on her part. That's really hurtful. I'd struggle to forgive that.

It's the first time she ever said anything remotely like that.

Hell, she understood when I ugly cried when her son was born because it wasn't my baby. I had no idea I was going to react like that. She just cuddled me until I calmed down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:19

Parpadew · 09/10/2023 20:10

What a total cow!!!!!!! Jesus H.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:20

RedSquirrelsRock · 09/10/2023 20:10

I don't think i'd text, they can be taken out of context, maybe give it a day or to and then call her to meet up on neutral ground for a coffee maybe.

Thank you

OP posts:
Lemonpledge · 09/10/2023 20:20

Just ask her if she's ok. If it's out of character for her, she might be struggling.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 09/10/2023 20:20

Trampley · 09/10/2023 20:11

A text from your DH is a bad idea, though.

Next time you see her, explain how hurtful her comment was. Face to face is a much better way to navigate these things.

Thank you

OP posts:
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