To have just killed my DS's street cred?!

[Skye109]

I'm cringing!
DS has just started year 7.
He was walking home this afternoon with a friend he's had for a couple of years, who has been round to my house multiple times over that time frame and has stayed for dinner on lots of occasions.
Whilst walking home from primary school today with my other DS in year 4 who I'd collected from school, plus his friend that he's having round to play at ours (they're playing as we speak), we bumped in to my Yr 7 DS and this friend.
"Hi DS, Hi Robert" smiled warmly at DS friend.
Met with stoney expression from the friend. No familiarity towards me whatsoever, which threw me a bit.
I follow with "DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to? And you're welcome back to ours for dinner if you'd like?"
Prior to the past 5 weeks, in year 6, this would have been with met with absolute enthusiasm! This friend has always lit up with a smile and a big "Yes please!!" whenever I've offered before.
Not today.
Today he said "Errr...well....thing is.....I'm meeting up with Christopher and the others....." then looked away, stoney faced still.
"OK, no worries, (I smiled) would you like to come round and stay for dinner another time?"
Honestly, I can't tell you how many times he's been round to ours to hang out with DS and have dinner, in Yr 6 and Yr 5, and had a brilliant time, never wanting to go home and asking when he can come round again.
"Err, not sure.....maybe......" with no eye contact whatsover, then sprinted off as fast as possible without a smile or a goodbye.
This is the worst bit: he rolled his eyes as he walked off from me and DS.
Cue a blatant telling off from DS.
"Mum! You're SO embarrassing! People don't invite each other round for dinner anymore! Oh my GOD didn't you SEE him rolling his EYES at you when he walked off???"
"Yes I did, and I thought it was rude actually".
DS started muttering about being embarrassed.
Then we got home and he said he's getting stick from this friend (and others) about not having a mobile phone.
Have I killed his reputation??
DS is quite 'young' emotionally still, but do I need a crash course on parenting year 7 and communicating (or not, as the case may be) with his mates?
What's happened since July?!?

Embarrassing your secondary-aged children is part of the parent job description.

You shouldn't have pursued it after he brushed off your invitation to go biking.

And he said he was going to see other people which your son doesnt appear to have been invited to so I'd have taken that hint as well.

I'd say a bit of a social faux pas regardless of the age.

🤣🤣🤣
If it’s anything like my house, you’ll never get anything right again!!!

Yes. I got it too. My child is in YR 8 now and everything she ever did before starting in Y7 last year is so pase, like it never existed and so embarrassing.
It’s a such a shame isn’t? It’s like overnighted changed and suddenly all these cute kids turn into grumpy teens..

You think that's bad... today I picked my ds up from secondary school and had my window down. Potentially this means someone may have seen me.

yeah, the dinner thing is a minefield. You're not supposed to offer. You're also supposed to be able to whip up something delicious in 10 minute if asked. without talking to anyone.

But yes, you are disadvantaging him by not letting him have a mobile phone. That's how they all communicate, stay in touch etc. It can be a bit tricky and certainly year 7 in particular had some pretty crappy behaviour, but I think it sort of worked out because they're all figuring it out at the same time.

On plus side, DS brought friends I don't know round earlier. I was working upstairs. He sidled upstairs to ask me to come down and meet them. You've never seen a nearly-5-year old woman throw her computer aside so fast....

The only thing you did wrong was invite him without agreeing with your ds first - that was weird and actually quite disrespectful of your child as a person capable of deciding if he wants to spend time with someone.

But as a new secondary kid everything you do is embarrassing and your job is to provide food and lifts and ignore your child in front of his friends.

Dd has just started in year 7 and has completely taken over her social life and planning (thank goodness). I do have contact info for who she's with but she just phones me to let me know if she's not going to be home. She definitely needs a mobile to stay in touch

Yep, don't get involved in organising his social activities and I'm sorry but he needs a mobile phone or he is going to be left out by friends.

I just ask whoever is over about 5pm if they want dinner and keep a spare pizza in the freezer!

You are embarrassing him by breathing in the same postcode as him. 😂
I wouldn't have approached and spoken to the boys because I know that year 7 is when this kind of attitude starts. If they were walking towards you and you met I would have given an awkward smile or nodded to save their blushes.

I hope you’re reporting yourself to SS right now. Your poor son.

My year 9 has pretty polite civilised friends who will jump at dinner (double dinnering at home 😅).
I just think it was a bit rude. I talk to my 13 year olds friends and they are polite to me. If they weren’t DS wouldn’t approve.
Hopefully as your DS settles in he’ll find a better crowd to hang out with.

I feel the way you do about mobile phones, BUT I had to give in because unfortunately those who don’t have them are in the minority.

You do have to listen when they ask/tell you stuff. So if they ask you to pretend you haven’t seen them 😳 if you’re somehow walking along the street when they’re walking home from school with their mates (granted, a busy city centre street) then you have to do that. Otherwise they will call him a baby.
Apparently being called a baby in Y7 is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

Why doesn't he have a mobile phone? He's going to be left out of a lot of things if he doesn't have one, you're setting him up to be bullied.

If your son had a phone then I would have text him and said that his friend can come round for pizza if he wanted so your son could pretend he's mature enough to invite people round of his own accord.

Ah yeah you’re not allowed to talk in public to him or his friends. Till year 9. That’s when it’s not soul destroying cringe anymore 😅

also yes it is rather odd to not have a phone as a year 7. Hell most of their homework is now set on apps on phones.

Don't worry about it but do stop trying to arrange your son's social life - he is at the age where he needs to do that himself. It's like how your mother doesn't make playdates for you anymore

I was out for a run last week and my return almost coincided with DD walking home with her friends so I took a different route home so she didn't have to acknowledge me 😂

I think your son was rude, but his friend was mega rude. None of DD's friends have ever been like that, but then none of them including DD ever seem to be embarrassed by their parents.

I remember my now 14 year old had started year 7 and kept talking about this particular friend he had made (I know all his others as they play football together) and I asked him if he wanted to invite this boy round for tea. He looked at me like I was insane 🤣🤣

It is now an ongoing joke if he mentions the lads name for me to say ‘does he want to come for tea?!’ 🤪😆

Oh yes, and Y7 is when they get a mobile phone.

DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to?

Your DS was right there and you addressed his friend not him! You basically tried to arrange a play date for him. Cringe.

My kids bus tickets were on a mobile phone app, so they had them from end Y6 to get used to them, and agree with a pp... always keep a couple of pizzas in the freezer.

My son is Y8 - we can't even offer someone a lift. For instance in last weeks bus strike it made sense to me to offer lifts. Absolute no no apparently. We used to take his mates for full days out (though covid eventually got in the way). My DP doesn't understand why we still can't.