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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have just killed my DS's street cred?!

193 replies

Skye109 · 09/10/2023 16:45

I'm cringing!
DS has just started year 7.
He was walking home this afternoon with a friend he's had for a couple of years, who has been round to my house multiple times over that time frame and has stayed for dinner on lots of occasions.
Whilst walking home from primary school today with my other DS in year 4 who I'd collected from school, plus his friend that he's having round to play at ours (they're playing as we speak), we bumped in to my Yr 7 DS and this friend.
"Hi DS, Hi Robert" smiled warmly at DS friend.
Met with stoney expression from the friend. No familiarity towards me whatsoever, which threw me a bit.
I follow with "DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to? And you're welcome back to ours for dinner if you'd like?"
Prior to the past 5 weeks, in year 6, this would have been with met with absolute enthusiasm! This friend has always lit up with a smile and a big "Yes please!!" whenever I've offered before.
Not today.
Today he said "Errr...well....thing is.....I'm meeting up with Christopher and the others....." then looked away, stoney faced still.
"OK, no worries, (I smiled) would you like to come round and stay for dinner another time?"
Honestly, I can't tell you how many times he's been round to ours to hang out with DS and have dinner, in Yr 6 and Yr 5, and had a brilliant time, never wanting to go home and asking when he can come round again.
"Err, not sure.....maybe......" with no eye contact whatsover, then sprinted off as fast as possible without a smile or a goodbye.
This is the worst bit: he rolled his eyes as he walked off from me and DS.
Cue a blatant telling off from DS.
"Mum! You're SO embarrassing! People don't invite each other round for dinner anymore! Oh my GOD didn't you SEE him rolling his EYES at you when he walked off???"
"Yes I did, and I thought it was rude actually".
DS started muttering about being embarrassed.
Then we got home and he said he's getting stick from this friend (and others) about not having a mobile phone.
Have I killed his reputation??
DS is quite 'young' emotionally still, but do I need a crash course on parenting year 7 and communicating (or not, as the case may be) with his mates?
What's happened since July?!?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 09/10/2023 18:35

After watching one of the Spiderman movies (I think) with ds, I offered to imitate a Marvel movie as I dropped ds off. He looked suspiciously at me and asked what I meant.
"Well I'm thinking of investing in a loudspeaker so I can call 'I love you son' after you as you go into school."
Coincidentally I think that might have been the week he decided an hour's walk was excellent exercise and I didn't need to drop him off any more. Really odd, because I drive past on the way to work and it means he needs to leave nearly 40 minutes earlier so has to get up sooner. Anyone shed any light on this oddity? 🤣

Namechangad12 · 09/10/2023 18:38

MargaretThursday · 09/10/2023 18:35

After watching one of the Spiderman movies (I think) with ds, I offered to imitate a Marvel movie as I dropped ds off. He looked suspiciously at me and asked what I meant.
"Well I'm thinking of investing in a loudspeaker so I can call 'I love you son' after you as you go into school."
Coincidentally I think that might have been the week he decided an hour's walk was excellent exercise and I didn't need to drop him off any more. Really odd, because I drive past on the way to work and it means he needs to leave nearly 40 minutes earlier so has to get up sooner. Anyone shed any light on this oddity? 🤣

He wants you to focus your time and superpowers on citizens in need!

Alargeoneplease89 · 09/10/2023 18:39

MBeat · 09/10/2023 16:55

My year 9 has pretty polite civilised friends who will jump at dinner (double dinnering at home 😅).
I just think it was a bit rude. I talk to my 13 year olds friends and they are polite to me. If they weren’t DS wouldn’t approve.
Hopefully as your DS settles in he’ll find a better crowd to hang out with.

This... not sure why people enable this attitude because suddenly they are teens and sooo cool 😎

Definitely needs a phone though.

Thirtyandflailing · 09/10/2023 18:43

My daughter is in yr9 and I asked if she was going to be playing out after school, she rolled her eyes and said she doesn’t “play” anymore🙄😩🤣 I’ve got a child still in primary so my terminology is clearly off🤣🤣

48Times11 · 09/10/2023 18:43

Comedycook · 09/10/2023 16:51

You think that's bad... today I picked my ds up from secondary school and had my window down. Potentially this means someone may have seen me.

Yeah, Yesterday one of the cool girls waved at DS1 when I picked him up and I waved back as well.

Social DEATH. (Plus a sound telling off from DS).

48Times11 · 09/10/2023 18:43

48Times11 · 09/10/2023 18:43

Yeah, Yesterday one of the cool girls waved at DS1 when I picked him up and I waved back as well.

Social DEATH. (Plus a sound telling off from DS).

Show quote history

Not yesterday, Friday. [facepalm].

OldTinHat · 09/10/2023 18:48

I took great delight one of the very rare times I dropped DS off at school in Y7 by winding down the window as I drove off and shouting, 'Bye DS!!!', hooted the horn and waved like a lunatic. Evil, terrible, I never did it again but omg it was funny. He also never asked for a lift after that so win, win!

I know that makes me awful but he's 24 now and can't even remember it happening. And that same day, I came home to find him and six mates all sprawled over my lounge so it couldn't have been too traumatic for his street cred!

Your DS will be fine OP. Its a kind of rite of passage to be embarrassed by your parents at some point! He'll get his own back...!

jumpfh · 09/10/2023 18:49

Why are you trying to organise his social life now he's in high school?

Why haven't you got him a phone? He's going to be so left out of the socialising.

diddl · 09/10/2023 18:51

So a kid virtually ignored you & you proceeded to engage & invite him to play & eat with your son?

Why?

NetZeroZealot · 09/10/2023 18:53

Reminds me of when DS went out for a pizza with his class as an end of term celebration.

Parents were expected to pick up from the pizza restaurant.

DS told me in no uncertain terms that I must NOT enter the restaurant when I arrived but should wait outside in the car until he came out.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/10/2023 18:57

Same in bus rules. Staff on bus + kids on bus = ignoring one another like a bunch of cats pretending this awful happenstance isn't real. To acknowledge one another would be a disaster.

The only exceptions to this rule are

Bus driver giving kids a hard time without reason. No children get stranded.
Creepy, scary, weird or aggressive passengers.
Kids from another school being aggressive/predatory.

The latter 2 work both ways - nobody starts on the kids and nobody starts on the staff without the others intervening.

It's all rather civilised, really.

ETA: but they are guaranteed to shout a chirpy HELLO MISS if you're standing outside a pub of a Saturday evening. And if they're trying to get in with fake ID, they get 'Oh, hello, George, how strange to see you here!' and The Look that means 'Don't even think about coming into my pub when you're under 18'.

BrandyandGinger · 09/10/2023 19:16

For future reference, when he does have friends over in the future never, ever knock on the door of his room and offer them pizza. They might be planning on ordering takeaway pizza and offering frozen is unforgivably embarrassing
But also keep your freezer full of a selection of various frozen pizzas and be ready to cook them post haste if instructed to do so.
And when he is older and starts gaming online never, ever, ever, ever breeze into the room and say it's bedtime.

MrsDanversChickenSandwich · 09/10/2023 19:19

Danielle9891 · 09/10/2023 18:00

My mum did worse. Most of my year was waiting for our coach to take us on a 5 nights away to an outdoor centre and our parents were waiting with us. Then a teacher said for us to go to the toilet if we need it now. I didn't and all of a sudden my mum said 'Dawn, are you sure you can't squeeze one out' it was so embarrassing. All I can remember from that trip was people teasing me.

Howling 😂😂

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2023 19:22

You need to start learning some of the language to show them that you are cool.
DD dissolves into a puddle of shame loves it when I tell her mates their new trainers are sick.

readbooksdrinktea · 09/10/2023 19:25

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2023 19:22

You need to start learning some of the language to show them that you are cool.
DD dissolves into a puddle of shame loves it when I tell her mates their new trainers are sick.

😂

OP, he needs a phone, or he'll be missing out. No kid I know, ten years and up, doesn't have a phone.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 09/10/2023 19:28

I am in agreement with your son, you were embarrassing trying to arrange them to go biking, he is old enough to organise his own social.

Get him a mobile, he needs one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2023 19:28

Yabu not to get your ds a phone. Yes, you’ve ruined his street cred. If you want him to have a social life, your actions are the complete opposite.

StarlightLime · 09/10/2023 19:31

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 09/10/2023 17:46

I’d be more concerned that the friend is meeting up with a group of others tonight and your DS doesn’t appear to be invited ☹️.

Absolutely. It may or may not be due to the no phone thing, but it's not hilarious at all. So many 😂'ing posters missing the point.

BlueSky2023 · 09/10/2023 19:50

His friend sounds like trouble, rolling your eyes at an adult is incredibly rude, I wouldn’t be so keen for them to be friends.

Unfortunately I do think he needs a mobile if you can afford it, can see why you wouldn’t want to give him one though,

GarlicGrace · 09/10/2023 19:50

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2023 16:47

Embarrassing your secondary-aged children is part of the parent job description.

Sadly, yes 😂 I still feel guilty about trying to hide my mother when she took me out for a very rare - and very nice - day together. I was dying of shame that one of my friends might see her with me!

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 09/10/2023 20:00

You can’t win either way with kids. My two(adult now) we’re both very different socially. Dd was embarrassed by me just being there when friends were around mostly but was still reasonably polite. Fortunately that phase didn’t last long. I usually just shut up and let them get on with it. They’d ask me if they needed anything.

Ds on the other hand was always happy to see me. He’d wave furiously if he saw me in the street. He’d even give me a quick hug if I was close enough. He’d spend a decent amount of time chatting with me, with his friends and then they’d all bugger off upstairs.

I found they both got a tiny bit short with me if I needed to ask them questions when friends were there.

Guesswho88 · 09/10/2023 20:02

Robert or whatever his name is sounds like a right twat.

Pokinganose · 09/10/2023 20:04

Yep he needs a phone so you can ask why they don't actually CALL eachother instead of just waiting for a text reply. Thats like whaaaaaatttt??????!!!!
Also never talk to his friends if you pick him up and give them a lift too. Don't ask about how the film, party etc was.
It's a minefield. Never mind OP you've done your job of embarrassing him but he'll get over it. My daughter was the same. It was coming from a good place. Sometimes its hard to get it right. I'm still trying! 🤣

LondonLass91 · 09/10/2023 20:05

And well done for not giving him a phone yet OP..we're in East London and haven't either with our son...the shit they get into..he has a nokia, poor thing x

Lookatmytoes · 09/10/2023 20:05

Well on the basis that this kid was rude I would be glad he isn’t part of their gang anymore and would hope he finds nicer children. Bugger all the apologising for rude children. My kids were never rude to other parents and there was only one friend who was rude in my house. He didn’t return. The others were all lovely, some quiet and some shy but all polite and appropriate. In return I bestow lifts and cookies and both are appreciated.