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Original poster

To have just killed my DS's street cred?!

193 replies

Skye109 · 09/10/2023 16:45

I'm cringing!
DS has just started year 7.
He was walking home this afternoon with a friend he's had for a couple of years, who has been round to my house multiple times over that time frame and has stayed for dinner on lots of occasions.
Whilst walking home from primary school today with my other DS in year 4 who I'd collected from school, plus his friend that he's having round to play at ours (they're playing as we speak), we bumped in to my Yr 7 DS and this friend.
"Hi DS, Hi Robert" smiled warmly at DS friend.
Met with stoney expression from the friend. No familiarity towards me whatsoever, which threw me a bit.
I follow with "DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to? And you're welcome back to ours for dinner if you'd like?"
Prior to the past 5 weeks, in year 6, this would have been with met with absolute enthusiasm! This friend has always lit up with a smile and a big "Yes please!!" whenever I've offered before.
Not today.
Today he said "Errr...well....thing is.....I'm meeting up with Christopher and the others....." then looked away, stoney faced still.
"OK, no worries, (I smiled) would you like to come round and stay for dinner another time?"
Honestly, I can't tell you how many times he's been round to ours to hang out with DS and have dinner, in Yr 6 and Yr 5, and had a brilliant time, never wanting to go home and asking when he can come round again.
"Err, not sure.....maybe......" with no eye contact whatsover, then sprinted off as fast as possible without a smile or a goodbye.
This is the worst bit: he rolled his eyes as he walked off from me and DS.
Cue a blatant telling off from DS.
"Mum! You're SO embarrassing! People don't invite each other round for dinner anymore! Oh my GOD didn't you SEE him rolling his EYES at you when he walked off???"
"Yes I did, and I thought it was rude actually".
DS started muttering about being embarrassed.
Then we got home and he said he's getting stick from this friend (and others) about not having a mobile phone.
Have I killed his reputation??
DS is quite 'young' emotionally still, but do I need a crash course on parenting year 7 and communicating (or not, as the case may be) with his mates?
What's happened since July?!?

OP posts:
Ivebeentogeorgia · 09/10/2023 17:04

The friend was rude. My son is also year 7 and his friends from primary don’t speak like that to any of the parents. I do however think they need phones in year 7- he will be missing out socially without one.

WASZPy · 09/10/2023 17:05

The weird thing you did was try to insert yourself into your DS's social life. You shouldn't be telling his mates he's free or talking to them about coming to yours- that's for him to do now. You made him look childish.

Probably time for a phone so you can step away.

Thedrownedprophet · 09/10/2023 17:06

I'm with him on the biking invite tbf. My now 23yo son would've disowned me back in the day if I'd done that!

Marblessolveeverything · 09/10/2023 17:06

UGGH! you just don't understand! you literally ruined your DS life - like how can they ever show their face again!

Mind you I would do what you did if mine acted a bit of a prat as punishment - petty moi?

ladyvimes · 09/10/2023 17:07

I think the other child was really rude to be honest. Being a teen doesn’t suddenly give kids a right to be obnoxious to everyone!

Hellocatshome · 09/10/2023 17:07

If you see your secondary school age child in public dont acknowledge them unless they acknowledge you first. Teen parenting 101. Unless they need you for something you are supposed to pretend you don't exist.

IncomingTraffic · 09/10/2023 17:07

Robert was horribly rude. And not a good friend to your DS.

Yes there’s the whole thinking they’re too cool now they’re in Y7 - but what you describe is not really normal.

my 14 year old DS’s friends have never been like that. In fact, IME saying ‘You’re welcome to come round for dinner, Tommy’ will usually result in a house full of boys and Tommy, Lucas, Ethan and Sam staying for something to eat.

You might need to figure out how to navigate things a bit less directively - saying DS is free to go on a bike ride is quite directive. Going for something vaguer like ‘if you two are wanting to do something now, you can both come back for some pizza at tea time’ might work better.

FictionalCharacter · 09/10/2023 17:11

CalistoNoSolo · 09/10/2023 16:59

I think your son was rude, but his friend was mega rude. None of DD's friends have ever been like that, but then none of them including DD ever seem to be embarrassed by their parents.

I agree, the other boy was very rude.

For you to ask the friend round wasn't right though @Skye109 . Your son might have had other plans. And I'm afraid saying your son was free "to go biking" is just bizarre.

DS is more than old enough to decide what evening activities he wants to do, and who he wants to do them with!

CarPour · 09/10/2023 17:12

The friend was rude, but you were embarrassing.

Firstly you invited him without asking your Ds, which put them both in an awkward situation. You then peristed with the invite even though it was clear that the friend was uncomfortable

I also think it's pretty obvious that things change when your Dc go into Yr 7 and they take charge of their social life, mum inviting round for dinner or suggesting they go out to play on their bikes is clearly not the done thing in secondary. It makes him look childish, what's happened since July is he's started a whole new "grown up" school, with a much wider range of people than primary and a very different feel, and he's got to try and present a much more grown up image.

Also your DS needs a phone

Ladybrrrd · 09/10/2023 17:14

It was rude and you weren't unreasonable to tell him so. Unfortunately yes they do change. I remember rolling my eyes and dying of embarrassment because my mum gave me a GIFT BAG for my birthday outside school in front of my mates. It does pass if you carry on pulling them up on outright rudeness, but otherwise pretending you don't exist!
Unfortunately you probably should get him a phone, but please monitor it carefully. You need to know the password and warn of occasional spot checks!

HikingforScenery · 09/10/2023 17:14

I agree that Robert was rude.
I wouldn’t invite a friend of of DC over without running it past them first though.

Bollindger · 09/10/2023 17:16

I got my child a mobile for secondary school. I locked it on costs and set up chores.
There was an app to locate her. Agreed I would not use that unless they didn't reply to a message after 30 mins.
Don't take the phone away as a punishment . However if broken they have to earn repair costs....
I had a rule at 9 it is charged in the hall.
To be honest knowing your child is safe and can contact his friends is so important.

margotrose · 09/10/2023 17:18

I find it odd that you thought it was okay to invite him over without seeing if your DS even wanted him to come, tbh.

I also think he should have a mobile phone.

Article · 09/10/2023 17:19

Comedycook · 09/10/2023 16:51

You think that's bad... today I picked my ds up from secondary school and had my window down. Potentially this means someone may have seen me.

I hope you didn’t have any perceptible sound from the radio, that would be the ultimate crime.

NonMiDispiace · 09/10/2023 17:22

Comedycook · 09/10/2023 16:51

You think that's bad... today I picked my ds up from secondary school and had my window down. Potentially this means someone may have seen me.

DS made me park around the corner, out of sight! He tolerated my picking him up only because there wasn’t any other option 🙄

EwwSprouts · 09/10/2023 17:22

He does need a phone at secondary school or he will be really isolated.

I found with the embarrassing parent thing is point out that you could always be worse. Object to me saying hello to a mate (which is only polite)? Next time I might sing with the car window down! If you don't shrink back the mates start to tolerate you as the batty mum who doesn't get 'the rules' and they end up replying.

littlefireseverywhere · 09/10/2023 17:24

Love that about the window being open & seeing you.

your son needs a phone, you need to take the hint.

my DS aged 14, said with all parents listening pre covid, NOT to embarrass him at parents evening. He walked 2 steps ahead of me. Now he’s friendly as anything, it’s a phase.

10HailMarys · 09/10/2023 17:25

It was odd that you invited his friend round without actually having discussed it with your son.

ShippingNews · 09/10/2023 17:27

Get DS a phone .

Aylestone · 09/10/2023 17:27

Queucumber · 09/10/2023 17:01

DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to?

Your DS was right there and you addressed his friend not him! You basically tried to arrange a play date for him. Cringe.

I have to say I’m surprised at some of these comments, I came on to say my ds is 7 and I wouldn’t do what the op did. If I wanted him to invite a certain friend over then I’d ask my ds first if he was happy with it, he’d ask the friend to see if he actually wanted to come, and then I’d send a message to the parent. I wouldn’t approach one of his friends in the street and ask him to come to mine for dinner.

StarlightLime · 09/10/2023 17:28

Queucumber · 09/10/2023 17:01

DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to?

Your DS was right there and you addressed his friend not him! You basically tried to arrange a play date for him. Cringe.

Yes, this. Why did you do this, op?!

WillyWonkaBlues · 09/10/2023 17:29

titchy · 09/10/2023 16:52

The only thing you did wrong was invite him without agreeing with your ds first - that was weird and actually quite disrespectful of your child as a person capable of deciding if he wants to spend time with someone.

But as a new secondary kid everything you do is embarrassing and your job is to provide food and lifts and ignore your child in front of his friends.

Weird and disrespectful??? What planet are you on??? An adult does not kowtow to a child. You teach them to be respectful and responsible. No wonder we’re in the right state we are with parents like you.

Topsyturvy78 · 09/10/2023 17:29

I started senior school in the 90's and even then it wasn't cool to be seen speaking to your parents. Mine are SN so it's different with them. But I remember us walking to netto to do some shopping with my young DC and ex partner. Ex saw his daughter over the road with her friends and started shouting her. She tried to hide from him but he crossed the road. She was so embarrassed I just carried on walking down the street. Didn't want to embarrass her anymore by introducing her stepmum to them.🤣🤣🤣 Just look the other way pretend you've not seen them and cross the road FFS.

KittensandPerverts · 09/10/2023 17:31

Even when my daughter was going through the most horrendous mental health issues she would never be as rude as this little shit to my friends.

Hygeelady · 09/10/2023 17:32

Ratlingbow · 09/10/2023 16:58

Why doesn't he have a mobile phone? He's going to be left out of a lot of things if he doesn't have one, you're setting him up to be bullied.

Yes if she gives him one, she'll be setting him up to be cyber bullied! What a stupid comment. These are CHILDREN that are 11 and 12! Let's all follow like sheep because other parents deem it responsible.

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