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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have just killed my DS's street cred?!

193 replies

Skye109 · 09/10/2023 16:45

I'm cringing!
DS has just started year 7.
He was walking home this afternoon with a friend he's had for a couple of years, who has been round to my house multiple times over that time frame and has stayed for dinner on lots of occasions.
Whilst walking home from primary school today with my other DS in year 4 who I'd collected from school, plus his friend that he's having round to play at ours (they're playing as we speak), we bumped in to my Yr 7 DS and this friend.
"Hi DS, Hi Robert" smiled warmly at DS friend.
Met with stoney expression from the friend. No familiarity towards me whatsoever, which threw me a bit.
I follow with "DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to? And you're welcome back to ours for dinner if you'd like?"
Prior to the past 5 weeks, in year 6, this would have been with met with absolute enthusiasm! This friend has always lit up with a smile and a big "Yes please!!" whenever I've offered before.
Not today.
Today he said "Errr...well....thing is.....I'm meeting up with Christopher and the others....." then looked away, stoney faced still.
"OK, no worries, (I smiled) would you like to come round and stay for dinner another time?"
Honestly, I can't tell you how many times he's been round to ours to hang out with DS and have dinner, in Yr 6 and Yr 5, and had a brilliant time, never wanting to go home and asking when he can come round again.
"Err, not sure.....maybe......" with no eye contact whatsover, then sprinted off as fast as possible without a smile or a goodbye.
This is the worst bit: he rolled his eyes as he walked off from me and DS.
Cue a blatant telling off from DS.
"Mum! You're SO embarrassing! People don't invite each other round for dinner anymore! Oh my GOD didn't you SEE him rolling his EYES at you when he walked off???"
"Yes I did, and I thought it was rude actually".
DS started muttering about being embarrassed.
Then we got home and he said he's getting stick from this friend (and others) about not having a mobile phone.
Have I killed his reputation??
DS is quite 'young' emotionally still, but do I need a crash course on parenting year 7 and communicating (or not, as the case may be) with his mates?
What's happened since July?!?

OP posts:
chachachachangesoolala · 09/10/2023 17:32

Navigating this time is really hard, OP! My DS and the friends that we've known for a long time don't behave like this, but some of his other friends do. I sometimes cycle past my DS on the way home at school chucking out time. I always shout hello. He shouts back and tells his friends it's his mum and they need to respect me. It's quite sweet really!

AvocadotoastORahouse · 09/10/2023 17:33

Queucumber · 09/10/2023 17:01

DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to?

Your DS was right there and you addressed his friend not him! You basically tried to arrange a play date for him. Cringe.

Oh god yes this! I'm totally cringing for you OP! He's not a little kid any more!

Why did you talk over your son like that? Weird!

At that age, I just reminded DS (when we were on our own at home, not in front of anyone) that he was welcome to ask his friends round but just to let me know so I could make sure we had enough food in time.

And yes he needs a phone.

RichardArmitagesWife · 09/10/2023 17:34

@Aylestone your son is 7, OP's son is in year 7, so 11/12.

OP, you must erase all hints of your existence for the next 3 years or so. Just by breathing you are being embarrassing; by speaking, you have sunk yourself beyond reproach.

Don't worry, somewhere around Year 10 you will become incredibly cool to all your child's friends, like "SkyeJnr's mum makes nice pasta, why can't we have that kind?"

Just as their parents will become cool you your child (while you remain totally cringe, obviously). "Robert's parents let him have a mobile phone...why can't you be more like them?"

By Year 13, they do actually like and respect you. Play the long game.

ohdamnitjanet · 09/10/2023 17:34

He was rude, you may have pushed it a bit, but he was rude, stony face to someone he knows well? I’d have been livid if my ds had behaved like that,
does sound like he’s embarrassed at being caught out meeting his other mates and not inviting your ds though. Buy your ds a phone and regain a teeny tiny bit of street cred for him, he’s old enough fgs.

chachachachangesoolala · 09/10/2023 17:36

Yes I agree he needs a phone. I haven't given in to Snapchat yet but otherwise everything is arranged on the phone either on WhatsApp or FaceTime. Your DS should be arranging his own social life now and for that he definitely needs a phone.

Growuppeople · 09/10/2023 17:36

He sprinted away, yet walked away rolling his eyes?? Get him a phone it’s not fair, my school tell them to play a game on their phone when they have finished their work

BerriesPineCones · 09/10/2023 17:36

I thought it was going to turn out to be the wrong child. A new child that didn't know you. I'd get your ds a phone though

Queucumber · 09/10/2023 17:37

RichardArmitagesWife · 09/10/2023 17:34

@Aylestone your son is 7, OP's son is in year 7, so 11/12.

OP, you must erase all hints of your existence for the next 3 years or so. Just by breathing you are being embarrassing; by speaking, you have sunk yourself beyond reproach.

Don't worry, somewhere around Year 10 you will become incredibly cool to all your child's friends, like "SkyeJnr's mum makes nice pasta, why can't we have that kind?"

Just as their parents will become cool you your child (while you remain totally cringe, obviously). "Robert's parents let him have a mobile phone...why can't you be more like them?"

By Year 13, they do actually like and respect you. Play the long game.

She knows. She’s saying that she wouldn’t do to a 7 year old what the OP did to an 11/12 year old.

SoupDragon · 09/10/2023 17:38

My youngest is doing A levels and none of my 3DCs' friends have ever been that rude!

Aylestone · 09/10/2023 17:38

RichardArmitagesWife · 09/10/2023 17:34

@Aylestone your son is 7, OP's son is in year 7, so 11/12.

OP, you must erase all hints of your existence for the next 3 years or so. Just by breathing you are being embarrassing; by speaking, you have sunk yourself beyond reproach.

Don't worry, somewhere around Year 10 you will become incredibly cool to all your child's friends, like "SkyeJnr's mum makes nice pasta, why can't we have that kind?"

Just as their parents will become cool you your child (while you remain totally cringe, obviously). "Robert's parents let him have a mobile phone...why can't you be more like them?"

By Year 13, they do actually like and respect you. Play the long game.

Yes Richard, I can read, that was the point I was making. That my son is far younger and even he would have found it embarrassing. Obviously I wouldn’t be texting the mother of a year 7, they can arrange that amongst themselves. But that just reinforces my point that it’s weird that the op is stopping her sons secondary age school friends in the street and trying to arrange play dates for him, in front of him

Aylestone · 09/10/2023 17:39

Queucumber · 09/10/2023 17:37

She knows. She’s saying that she wouldn’t do to a 7 year old what the OP did to an 11/12 year old.

Show quote history

This ^^ I thought it was pretty clear I was pointing out I wouldn’t do this to my son who’s just started year 2

BatteryPoweredMammy · 09/10/2023 17:41

Yr 7 is that a 12yr old?

I wouldn’t be inviting the little tosser back to mine ever again after being so openly rude and I’d be mentioning it to his mum too.

Lads around here are expected to be courteous to parents of their friends and they wouldn’t get away with such a lack of respect over here in rural Ireland.

Everyone’s mammy knows everyone else’s mammy!

Ilefttownonsaturday · 09/10/2023 17:42

I got a weird vibe from my dc's friend who was proclaiming loudly that they were bored. So I said I'd call their mum to collect them if they were bored. Cue evil eyes from dc but stroppy kid shut her gob and kept quiet all afternoon. The silly moo, sometimes you need to remind them who the adult is.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 09/10/2023 17:46

I’d be more concerned that the friend is meeting up with a group of others tonight and your DS doesn’t appear to be invited ☹️.

Deathraystare · 09/10/2023 17:48

That boy was incredibly rude considering he knew you. However, I have to agree you went too far. Please let him sort out his social life now!

I remember being ever so embarrassed going shopping with mum. "Come on chicken!" I nervously looked around to see if anyone from the school had noticed! Mind you, a girl at school was with her mum and saw me and my dad walking somewhere. She reckoned he was very dishy!! Also one day mum went on a school trip with us to help out and they said she looked lovely (In the days of hair pieces and fake lashes).

I had a giggle because I remember my nephew who when little was a mummy's buy (I mean no disrespect to him). We were in town (not London, a small market town) and he caught sight of his friends. You could see him being torn (stay with mum/go with friends). Friends won!!

BigBillyButterBollocks · 09/10/2023 17:48

OP, once your child has entered secondary school, you are not supposed to interact in public with

a) your children
b) their friends
c) their potential friends

d) anyone about their age
e) their friends' parents
f) anyone if a, b, c, d or f could potentially hear you.

It's too late now for you though. I have that expedition planned with a few of the Mums here. We're moving abroad with new identities following an unfortunate butter incident. Would you like to join us? I feel like your relationship with your family is unsalvageable now anyway.

Lndnmummy · 09/10/2023 17:48

Hilarious. And other kid was rude. I would have had very stern words with my ds if he had been so rude. I keep embarrassing mine on purpose, also Y7. I say things to his friends like 'say less' and 'say nothing' and they fall over laughing. They are lovely.
You sound really kind🫶🏻

AMuser · 09/10/2023 17:50

Get your kid a phone.

Spidey66 · 09/10/2023 17:52

Not got kids but I remember being like this with my own parents at that age and I’m 57!

My dad was a builder and had a contract with the council to do repairs and maintenance in schools, council houses etc. He was at my school for a few days laying down a path. I refused any lifts too and from school and when he saw me in the grounds at lunchtime I think I nodded but refused to speak but was fine when I got home!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/10/2023 17:52

Is there a reason why people keep referring to their children by their school year rather than age? For those of us not familiar with English school years, it means precious little! Surely easier to just state age?

BayandBlonde · 09/10/2023 17:53

It doesn't get any better no matter what the age.

I arranged for a plumber to visit my elderly mothers house today to fix a leak. When he finished she started banging on about me and this plumber staying for dinner and winking!!

WTF!!!! I'm 45 bloody years old and the plumber is only known through word of mouth. Poor guy couldn't leave quick enough. Absolutely mortified!

Marblessolveeverything · 09/10/2023 17:54

I think they all have their moments but I have to say I see my 15 year old and his friends and they really are a nice bunch.

They are the first to help out, organised litter picks. Offer a hand at their primary planting and cleaning up, on the quite.

They generally come around, I think they act like they think they should, then they settle and grow up a little.

Hang in there 😁

Mummaaaaah · 09/10/2023 17:54

I only have to breathe and I embarrass my kids! Oh well 🙄

RichardArmitagesWife · 09/10/2023 17:55

Aylestone · 09/10/2023 17:38

Yes Richard, I can read, that was the point I was making. That my son is far younger and even he would have found it embarrassing. Obviously I wouldn’t be texting the mother of a year 7, they can arrange that amongst themselves. But that just reinforces my point that it’s weird that the op is stopping her sons secondary age school friends in the street and trying to arrange play dates for him, in front of him

Show quote history

I which case I apologise, I didn't get your point.

When it involved good friends in primary school, I didn't ask if my children wanted to invite others around because yeah, they always did. Default position was "how many people can I invite back" with my lot.

ActDottie · 09/10/2023 17:56

In year 7 I think he should have a mobile phone though, he may be a quite left out.