Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just killed my DS's street cred?!

193 replies

Skye109 · 09/10/2023 16:45

I'm cringing!
DS has just started year 7.
He was walking home this afternoon with a friend he's had for a couple of years, who has been round to my house multiple times over that time frame and has stayed for dinner on lots of occasions.
Whilst walking home from primary school today with my other DS in year 4 who I'd collected from school, plus his friend that he's having round to play at ours (they're playing as we speak), we bumped in to my Yr 7 DS and this friend.
"Hi DS, Hi Robert" smiled warmly at DS friend.
Met with stoney expression from the friend. No familiarity towards me whatsoever, which threw me a bit.
I follow with "DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to? And you're welcome back to ours for dinner if you'd like?"
Prior to the past 5 weeks, in year 6, this would have been with met with absolute enthusiasm! This friend has always lit up with a smile and a big "Yes please!!" whenever I've offered before.
Not today.
Today he said "Errr...well....thing is.....I'm meeting up with Christopher and the others....." then looked away, stoney faced still.
"OK, no worries, (I smiled) would you like to come round and stay for dinner another time?"
Honestly, I can't tell you how many times he's been round to ours to hang out with DS and have dinner, in Yr 6 and Yr 5, and had a brilliant time, never wanting to go home and asking when he can come round again.
"Err, not sure.....maybe......" with no eye contact whatsover, then sprinted off as fast as possible without a smile or a goodbye.
This is the worst bit: he rolled his eyes as he walked off from me and DS.
Cue a blatant telling off from DS.
"Mum! You're SO embarrassing! People don't invite each other round for dinner anymore! Oh my GOD didn't you SEE him rolling his EYES at you when he walked off???"
"Yes I did, and I thought it was rude actually".
DS started muttering about being embarrassed.
Then we got home and he said he's getting stick from this friend (and others) about not having a mobile phone.
Have I killed his reputation??
DS is quite 'young' emotionally still, but do I need a crash course on parenting year 7 and communicating (or not, as the case may be) with his mates?
What's happened since July?!?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 09/10/2023 21:46

LondonLass91 · 09/10/2023 20:05

And well done for not giving him a phone yet OP..we're in East London and haven't either with our son...the shit they get into..he has a nokia, poor thing x

So, you have given him a phone.

Original poster
Skye109 · 09/10/2023 21:59

Ok, I get the message. I already realised i shouldn't have said the second line, but now I see I shouldn't have even said the first line!
It's really hard though. I mean, in July this kid spent the whole entire day and evening round at ours, for about the 100th time, chatted away to me, ate pizza and ice cream, played with DS, told me I make the best milkshakes ever and wouldn’t leave when his DM came to collect him because he said he was having too much fun....but 3 months later I need to act like I don't know him??
By the way, before school this morning DS had said he'd like to invite Robert to go biking after school and come back to ours for dinner, but said that he didn't feel confident to ask him. I asked why not, seeing as he'd asked him loads of times before, and DS said he didn't know why, but that Robert seems a bit different in year 7, and asked me to help him invite Robert over after school. So that's why I invited Robert.
I do now realise that I should never have done this! But it came from trying to support DS.
About the mobile phone.......DS doesn't want one. I've offered a few times. He says mobile phones cause drama amongst his peer group and that ever since his mates started getting them in year 6 all they ever do is fall out with each other or take sides against each other over some WhattsApp argument the night before. He tells me about messages he's been shown on their phones, messages to each other and also messages about each other, that do sound really nasty. He is quite clear that he doesn't want a phone for this reason. He says he doesn't want to deal with the drama.
He's got his tablet and laptop for the internet.
He says he'll have a phone when he's older. His words, not mine!
P.S...all these posters saying they're teens....they're not teens! They're 11 years old!! None of them are even 12 till next summer!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Skye109 · 09/10/2023 22:15

P.S.
The contradiction between what DS said before school this morning re asking for a bit of help with inviting Robert round, compared to DS's response when I did invite Robert round, is not lost on me!

OP posts:
Pepperama · 09/10/2023 22:23

So glad I found this thread. Makes what’s going on with my newly S1 kid sound very normal. Phew…

BlueSky2023 · 09/10/2023 22:33

Ok, didn’t realise he is only 11, he Dosen’t need a phone just yet, he sounds like a smart boy.
You sound like a great mum by the way so I wouldn’t overthink it too much, he is going to have to find his way with his friends, they do sound like they have changed a lot….social media has a lot to answer for

Original poster
Skye109 · 09/10/2023 23:00

BlueSky2023 · 09/10/2023 22:33

Ok, didn’t realise he is only 11, he Dosen’t need a phone just yet, he sounds like a smart boy.
You sound like a great mum by the way so I wouldn’t overthink it too much, he is going to have to find his way with his friends, they do sound like they have changed a lot….social media has a lot to answer for

School year 7 is aged 11 to 12 years old.
Kids start aged 11 in September, and turn 12 at some point between that September and the following August.
My DS, Robert and other friends happen to all be summer born, so they only turned 11 earlier this summer!
That's not teens!

OP posts:
BigYellowBear · 09/10/2023 23:10

I feel your pain!
I used to work in a Nursery next door to DS secondary school
He used to beg me not to finish at the same time as him and if I did I was to walk straight home and not look at him😃

tiredandolderthanithought · 09/10/2023 23:14

Ivebeentogeorgia · 09/10/2023 17:04

The friend was rude. My son is also year 7 and his friends from primary don’t speak like that to any of the parents. I do however think they need phones in year 7- he will be missing out socially without one.

This!! I speak to my children's friends and they are polite and happy to be invited round!!! Shocking behaviour

IncomingTraffic · 10/10/2023 06:23

@Skye109 It sounds like your DS is having problems with his friendship with Robert now they’re at secondary.

Robert was rude to you and your DS in the situation you describe. It doesn’t surprise me that your DS is feeling reluctant to ask him to go cycling or come round if he’s likely to roll his eyes and go on about the other people he’s hanging around with instead.

It may be worth talking to your DS about how going to secondary can really change your friendships and encourage him to make new friends/invite them over etc. it’s hard because they’re learning to navigate a very new social situation and are still quite young.

Natsku · 10/10/2023 08:02

Sounds like Robert is pulling away, trying to get into a different friendship group and your son probably realised right at the point when you asked Robert and regretted asking for your help. Now's a good time for your son to make new friends. And if he doesn't want a phone then that's good, less hassle, pity he's getting stick for it though. The whatsapp drama can be intense (though my DD doesn't get involved when her class whatsapp blows up, just gets the popcorn metaphorically and reads - its doesn't get serious though with her class,)

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/10/2023 08:20

Your DS needs new friends they grow out of their friend group from primary.

My DD11 goes to grammar and her friend group is totally different from her bestie at comp. The comp chat consists of attitude/ vaping / bitching and the other is nothing like that. They soon figure out its not like old times and will gravitate towards people more like them.

You did nothing wrong talking to DS friend, no idea why people think its okay for a kid to be rude, I would be discouraging the friendship as it sounds its a very one sided friendship. People wonder why their teen has an attitude problem and its because they enable this behaviour and find it funny - according to these comments about being seen with the car window down - just so disrespectful no wonder teachers can't get respect when they don't even respect their parents.

Gypsum5 · 10/10/2023 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Skye109 · 10/10/2023 09:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 10/10/2023 09:36

Comedycook · 09/10/2023 16:51

You think that's bad... today I picked my ds up from secondary school and had my window down. Potentially this means someone may have seen me.

Love this 😀

diddl · 10/10/2023 09:51

he didn't know why, but that Robert seems a bit different in year 7, and asked me to help him invite Robert over after school.

That sheds a different light on things.

Is it possible though that your son wasn't picking up on hints?

Also it would obviously have been best to tell him just to leave it a while!

Hindsight is great!

DiscoBeat · 10/10/2023 09:55

Unfortunately for the next 5 years at least you will have to address him away from his friends 😆 but do get him a phone, he very likely is the only one without one.

Stephjmumof3 · 10/10/2023 19:23

This made me howl! Today I also picked up teen,with window down and music. How dare I? Music taste? Apparently I have none 🤣🤣

Moanyoldmoan · 10/10/2023 19:24

i have to drive past my year 9 with my younger kids as he walks home from school and none of us are allowed to acknowledge him. I waved once and his face was a picture

His4Helium · 10/10/2023 19:33

Comedycook · 09/10/2023 16:51

You think that's bad... today I picked my ds up from secondary school and had my window down. Potentially this means someone may have seen me.

Put a bag over your head and pretend your just a chauffeur next time

zeibesaffron · 10/10/2023 19:35

Leave the mates thing for your son to sort, not you - and yes he will need a mobile he is in year 7.

IAmMam · 10/10/2023 19:41

Oh my god I get this! I’m not allowed to pick mine up on the road outside of school, heaven forbid someone realises that I am their mother!

MdNdD · 10/10/2023 19:42

My kids have never been embarrassed by me (so far) and would have been really chuffed if I’d invited a friend over. Beyond year 7.
But I know other kids who were embarrassed by their mums at age five….
I’m on the team that the other kid was rude. I’d also be furious if my kids were so rude to a parent of their friend.

gemma19846 · 10/10/2023 19:45

I have a teen and regularly see his friends, invite them round etc. Theres a difference between being a "teenager" and being rude. I find this behaviour rude from the friend tbh

gemma19846 · 10/10/2023 19:45

My son would not act like that either to a friends parent.

Islandgirl68 · 10/10/2023 20:10

How Rude of your DSs friend. They are 11 not 16. YANBU.