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Original poster

To have just killed my DS's street cred?!

193 replies

Skye109 · 09/10/2023 16:45

I'm cringing!
DS has just started year 7.
He was walking home this afternoon with a friend he's had for a couple of years, who has been round to my house multiple times over that time frame and has stayed for dinner on lots of occasions.
Whilst walking home from primary school today with my other DS in year 4 who I'd collected from school, plus his friend that he's having round to play at ours (they're playing as we speak), we bumped in to my Yr 7 DS and this friend.
"Hi DS, Hi Robert" smiled warmly at DS friend.
Met with stoney expression from the friend. No familiarity towards me whatsoever, which threw me a bit.
I follow with "DS is free to go out biking this afternoon if you'd like to? And you're welcome back to ours for dinner if you'd like?"
Prior to the past 5 weeks, in year 6, this would have been with met with absolute enthusiasm! This friend has always lit up with a smile and a big "Yes please!!" whenever I've offered before.
Not today.
Today he said "Errr...well....thing is.....I'm meeting up with Christopher and the others....." then looked away, stoney faced still.
"OK, no worries, (I smiled) would you like to come round and stay for dinner another time?"
Honestly, I can't tell you how many times he's been round to ours to hang out with DS and have dinner, in Yr 6 and Yr 5, and had a brilliant time, never wanting to go home and asking when he can come round again.
"Err, not sure.....maybe......" with no eye contact whatsover, then sprinted off as fast as possible without a smile or a goodbye.
This is the worst bit: he rolled his eyes as he walked off from me and DS.
Cue a blatant telling off from DS.
"Mum! You're SO embarrassing! People don't invite each other round for dinner anymore! Oh my GOD didn't you SEE him rolling his EYES at you when he walked off???"
"Yes I did, and I thought it was rude actually".
DS started muttering about being embarrassed.
Then we got home and he said he's getting stick from this friend (and others) about not having a mobile phone.
Have I killed his reputation??
DS is quite 'young' emotionally still, but do I need a crash course on parenting year 7 and communicating (or not, as the case may be) with his mates?
What's happened since July?!?

OP posts:
hennaoj · 09/10/2023 17:56

My sister used to make my mother drop her off before she reached the high school! My middle son really didn't like me walking to meet him at the high school when he wasn't getting the bus, apparently I'm supposed to wait in the car. I'm tempted to make a giant sign that has his name on next time.

SoupDragon · 09/10/2023 17:57

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/10/2023 17:52

Is there a reason why people keep referring to their children by their school year rather than age? For those of us not familiar with English school years, it means precious little! Surely easier to just state age?

It's relevant here as Y7 is the first year of secondary so a big change from before. They could be 11 or 12 and this could also be the case for the school years either side.

Cosycover · 09/10/2023 17:58

Get him a phone asap

edwinbear · 09/10/2023 17:58

OP once they get to Y7 the fact they have parents becomes an embarrassment in itself. Regardless of whether you’ve known their mates since they were all in Reception. You cannot speak to them or acknowledge their presence in public. Best to just cross the road and pretend you haven’t seen them 🤣

Unless you’re offering lifts - then having parents is OK 😁

Danielle9891 · 09/10/2023 18:00

My mum did worse. Most of my year was waiting for our coach to take us on a 5 nights away to an outdoor centre and our parents were waiting with us. Then a teacher said for us to go to the toilet if we need it now. I didn't and all of a sudden my mum said 'Dawn, are you sure you can't squeeze one out' it was so embarrassing. All I can remember from that trip was people teasing me.

Pockettopic · 09/10/2023 18:01

Yes I would have hung back my child is the same age. I would have approached with caution from a distance! 😂 The friend sounds delightful. Please don’t let him be the only one without a phone it will hold him back socially as he will be missing out when they are chatting and arranging things.

ClairDeLaLune · 09/10/2023 18:04

Get your poor DS a phone! I can’t believe you haven’t got him one when he’s in year 7. The poor lad will be a social outcast without one. Sad but true.

BigBillyButterBollocks · 09/10/2023 18:04

Danielle9891 · 09/10/2023 18:00

My mum did worse. Most of my year was waiting for our coach to take us on a 5 nights away to an outdoor centre and our parents were waiting with us. Then a teacher said for us to go to the toilet if we need it now. I didn't and all of a sudden my mum said 'Dawn, are you sure you can't squeeze one out' it was so embarrassing. All I can remember from that trip was people teasing me.

I don't think she wanted you to live with them anymore😂. A little push for you to ask to be adopted by someone else.

That must have been excruciating for you.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/10/2023 18:06

SoupDragon · 09/10/2023 17:57

It's relevant here as Y7 is the first year of secondary so a big change from before. They could be 11 or 12 and this could also be the case for the school years either side.

Show quote history

Ok, thanks for clarifying, but it would still make sense to state age as well for those of us outside of England! Or even my DS, just started secondary school. This Year X business means nothing to so many!

paddyclampofthethirdkind · 09/10/2023 18:10

You def need to get him a phone! But his friend was mega rude - I don’t think either of my kids’ friends have ever been like that to me!

Gothambutnotahamster · 09/10/2023 18:13

WASZPy · 09/10/2023 17:05

The weird thing you did was try to insert yourself into your DS's social life. You shouldn't be telling his mates he's free or talking to them about coming to yours- that's for him to do now. You made him look childish.

Probably time for a phone so you can step away.

Completely agree with this.

He's growing up Op, you need to let go.

Natsku · 09/10/2023 18:15

Was a bit weird to ask his friend if he wanted to ride bikes with your DS but the friend was rude, but your son will get over it. Your DS does need a phone though, they are really left out if they don't have one.

But this thread is certainly making me appreciate my DD! She's 12, nearly 13, and isn't embarrassed by me much yet (she actually said I'm one of the more approachable mums, which feels like a massive compliment), her friends say hello to me when I see them (two of them even tried adding me on snapchat) and no one is rude in earshot at least. I just hope it lasts...

Gothambutnotahamster · 09/10/2023 18:18

I've 3 boys @Natsku (ages 12-16) & they're the same as your DD - don't seem to be embarrassed by me & all their friends are polite & personable.

That said, I don't insert myself into their conversations or make unwanted invitations to their friends. Since day 1 of senior school, I've left it to themselves to make their own social arrangements.

Biscuitsneeded · 09/10/2023 18:19

Your DS needs a phone. You my not like it, but it's how they organise their social lives. Without one your DS will be left out - just as he has been this evening by Robert who is going off to some pre-arranged meeting with other friends. It doesn't have to be an expensive gadget, you can still decide what social media is allowed, but you are setting him up to be given a hard time and excluded if he doesn't have one. You might also find it useful to be able to track him down when he starts hanging out with friends after school and forgets to come home on time...

Namechangad12 · 09/10/2023 18:20

That made me laugh! 😂
If you're not embarrassing your middle school aged kids, OP, you are doing something wrong!

MrsMarzetti · 09/10/2023 18:21

Your biggest mistake was stopping to talk, you are supposed to walk past like he is a stranger and are only allowed to speak if you are spoken too.

Ramalangadingdong · 09/10/2023 18:21

They’re going to roll their eyes whatever you do. The cooler you try to be the more eye rolling you will receive. We all did exactly the same and were mortally embarrassed by our parents so it serves us all right. Lol.

ILostMyself · 09/10/2023 18:22

Ah… you were just trying to be nice but, yes, leave him to sort his own social life now. I sometimes encourage mine along “why don’t you invite so and so round” etc. Get him a mobile phone so he’s not left out. You can get him a basic one if you don’t want him to have social media.

Regardless though, that kid was very rude and none of my dc friends have ever been like that!! I found that year 7’s got embarrassed more easily and more worried about “being cool” but give it 2 or 3 years and they start to mellow a bit 😬 I know now if I was offering free food in this house my 17 and 16 year old’s DS mates would come flocking!!

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 09/10/2023 18:22

my Son aged 10: was friends with the Head teachers son as was going back to theirs for a sleepover, I was collecting his twin sister from the playground and decided to KISS HIM GOODBYE, he was horrified and ducked and I stumbled forward and basically rugby tackled him to the ground. All the teachers came running over to check on him and my best mum friend was just sniggering and said “that was so embarrassing for you”, like I didn’t know.

Same son, now 19, had friends over to watch rugby at this weekend, they were sitting in our outside bar drinking beers etc and he asked if I wanted to join them, it has come full circle, I’m not a huge embarrassment anymore!

Namechangad12 · 09/10/2023 18:26

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 09/10/2023 18:22

my Son aged 10: was friends with the Head teachers son as was going back to theirs for a sleepover, I was collecting his twin sister from the playground and decided to KISS HIM GOODBYE, he was horrified and ducked and I stumbled forward and basically rugby tackled him to the ground. All the teachers came running over to check on him and my best mum friend was just sniggering and said “that was so embarrassing for you”, like I didn’t know.

Same son, now 19, had friends over to watch rugby at this weekend, they were sitting in our outside bar drinking beers etc and he asked if I wanted to join them, it has come full circle, I’m not a huge embarrassment anymore!

That's really sweet actually!

(hope you told him to stop embarrassing you and that rugby was not cool anymore! jk :p)

clappyjay · 09/10/2023 18:27

I think he needs a phone. My DS is Year 7 and I can’t imagine him not having a phone- I can track his location and see he’s got into school safely or that he’s on his way home. It also means if something impromptu is organised at school he can phone and ask if he can walk to such-and-such’s house for an hour and get a lift home.

it’s also how they all stay in touch one WhatsApp groups etc he would be very out of the loop if he didn’t have one

MeMySonAnd1 · 09/10/2023 18:29

If it helps, I was almost disowned by my teen because I asked a question on the chat of a UCAS presentation and after they replied to my question I wrote “Thanks :-)”

3 hours later DS was still clearly mortified and asking repeatedly “who on Earth puts a NOSE in an emoticon??????”

It takes little, they never forget…

FofB · 09/10/2023 18:30

Get him a phone and install Family Link. It means you can be fully in control- set limits of how long he's on it, what he can search and he needs your permission to download any Apps.

Then he can at least WhatsApp his mates.

CornishTiger · 09/10/2023 18:31

Omg. You have totally failed as a parent of a teen! The only way to redeem yourself is to get that poor lad a phone.

PostItInABook · 09/10/2023 18:31

We get taught Steps 1, 2, 3 to manage possible CBRN incidents. It strikes me that a similar thing could be issued for parents of teens.

DC on their own - approach as normal
DC with 1 friend - approach with caution
DC with 2 or more friends - do not approach, stay upwind and request further assistance / await further instructions from those in the know.