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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleRadish · 09/10/2023 01:33

Yabu

fridaynight1 · 09/10/2023 01:34

YANBU

Hold out for the proper replacement

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/10/2023 01:34

Yes

Tourmalines · 09/10/2023 01:35

YANBU . I think it was rude ,thoughtless and cheeky . He should replace them , although it won’t be the same . Hopefully he will think about this before he would choose to do it again .

Bumbleebeetree · 09/10/2023 01:39

Yanbu!

AutumnFroglets · 09/10/2023 01:40

Hold out for the exact replacement.

Depending on his age I would start not doing his laundry, not cooking etc. Go on mum strike. If his money is from pocket money the withhold it until you reach the correct amount etc.

Don't give in otherwise it will continue.

Colourfulponderings · 09/10/2023 01:42

Yanbu. How old is he?

TheSandgroper · 09/10/2023 01:42

I’ve said it here before and I will say it again.

Sometimes, teens need a gentle explanation of the ways of life but, sometimes, they need to be slapped in the face with a wet fish.

This is a wet fish occasion. A full on, embarrassing mum in front of his mates occasion. It’s time to let your imagination let rip in retaliation.

SeulementUneFois · 09/10/2023 01:43

YANBU

And yes definitely go on mum strike.
He can still learn not to be a thoughtless prick but he needs to be taught it.

Original poster
Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:44

He's nearly 16 and is normally a really kind and decent boy, I thought we had a good relationship!

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:46

I need to go fishing...

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 09/10/2023 01:48

Disrespectful and entitled of him.

Is your DP his father?

SisterMichaelsHabit · 09/10/2023 01:51

I agree he needs to replace these with the same ones and his lack of action isn't great. YANBU to hold out for a proper replacement and teach him the consequences of his thoughlessness.

Having said that, does he definitely know where and how to buy more? E.g. which shop sells them or, if it's online, does he need help with the online purchase, e.g. if he doesn't have a credit/debit card he can use on the internet as he might be too young? He might need some support from you or your DP to get this done, but really if he's run into a problem he should have asked for help by now.

1988really · 09/10/2023 01:59

He has acknowledged his mistake ,you have a good relationship,so I personally as a Mum would pick my battles

AsWrittenBy · 09/10/2023 02:00

PurpleRadish · 09/10/2023 01:33

Yabu

How

SD1978 · 09/10/2023 02:02

Not unreasonable- and there was a similar thread where it was a husband did the same- most responses were who cares is it's o my chocolate, you're being unreasonable.....absolutely not. It's your gift, you get to choose who to share it with, other people don't get to choose that for you, came as any other present!!!! I would expect the same brand too.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2023 02:05

You are definitely not being unreasonable and I would absolutely not let this go. Your son is well old enough to have basic respect for other people's things and for the feelings of his own mother.

GrumpyPanda · 09/10/2023 02:06

1988really · 09/10/2023 01:59

He has acknowledged his mistake ,you have a good relationship,so I personally as a Mum would pick my battles

Seriously? Doesn't sound like he even apologized.

ImustLearn2Cook · 09/10/2023 02:07

Yanbu. Good on you for teaching him about respect and taking responsibility for his own actions.

And good on you for having self respect and modelling it to your son.

I am sure you still have a good relationship with him and he is still a kind and decent boy. The teenager years can be challenging.

Happy recent birthday 🎂 Hope you get your present replaced soon.

JANEY205 · 09/10/2023 02:15

YANBU. This would really piss me off and I’d expect my son to replace with the exact same ones he ate and I’d let him know I think it’s incredibly rude and unkind to steal my birthday gift and he needs to replace it. I don’t eat my sons birthday gifts, I expect him not to eat mine unless I’ve given permission or decided to share! He’s been an arsehole.

Waffle78 · 09/10/2023 02:16

YANBU first one to open always take the best chocs. They should at least wait until you open them and are offered one.

KookyAndSpooky · 09/10/2023 02:21

Oh yeah, he definitely needs to buy a direct replacement.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 09/10/2023 02:25

I reckon YABU simply because you should have taught him before now that your quality chocolates are yours alone! Cheap chocolates are for sharing (expensive ones may occasionally be shared if I'm feeling very generous). Opening someone else's chocolates (or helping yourself) is not on though - how would he feel if you give him a selection box or Easter egg with bits missing?

Nazzywish · 09/10/2023 02:30

Is this a one off re taking something of yours ? He's a Kid let it go OP, one day when you need feeding by his hands as an old frail woman he may just remember what a miser you were. Why is there such a big complex with food and kids eating it on mumsnet. If you've taught them respect, and he is generally well behaved then the odd sneaky treat from mums chocolates- isn't a big thing. Also don't you just share all the food in the house treats or not? Maybe reframe how you look at food and don't see it as this person's and that - have everyone share everything that comes into the house, makes for a less selfish approach from parents towards your own flesh and blood, and your own kids not feeling like they're a burden on their parents for eating a bloody chocolate.

SomeoneKidda · 09/10/2023 02:30

1988really · 09/10/2023 01:59

He has acknowledged his mistake ,you have a good relationship,so I personally as a Mum would pick my battles

Totally honestly, this would be me as well. I would be annoyed, swear a bit, settle down and enjoy whatever chocolate was put in front of me.

It's not that he wasn't out of order, but I would probably not be THAT bothered if he's generally a good egg.

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