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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 09/10/2023 07:14

I take my chocolate seriously so I am with you 100%.

CeeChynaa · 09/10/2023 07:16

It’s one thing that he ate your chocolate but it’s another that he decided to replace it with cheaper ones.

He certainly needs to replace the chocolate as it wasn’t his to eat in the first place

NalafromtheLionKing · 09/10/2023 07:19

This is your son. It is a box of chocolates, which is unlikely to be expensive or even difficult to replace. Get a grip!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 09/10/2023 07:19

He’s going to grow into one of this men who treat their partners with complete and utter disrespect on their birthdays unless he is taught that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

Yes, unless it's a rare aberration, this is how it's sounding. Being taken for granted, with the assumption that you simply don't matter is never a good start for a loving relationship.

I might be BU and projecting, but I'm thinking of these threads that go something like "My wife is angry with me because I didn't mention, do or give her anything to mark her 30th birthday - but it was obviously all HER fault, because SHE never mentioned that it might be important to her."

Escapetofrance · 09/10/2023 07:19

I personally wouldn’t care if my ds ate some of my birthday chocolates. If he’s said sorry then I’d forgive him. It sounds like he’s learnt his lesson.

Anyflippingname · 09/10/2023 07:24

Flowerpowera7 · 09/10/2023 05:21

some advice is really bad on here. Not sure about this platform anymore.

Show quote history

I agree. I'm actually agog at some of the advice here.

MaryShelley1818 · 09/10/2023 07:30

YANBU, very selfish of him and he should definitely replace them.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 09/10/2023 07:35

YANBU. He needs to replace like for like. Push him to do that.

SunnieShine · 09/10/2023 07:36

YANBU. Very rude and entitled. Don't let it drop.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 09/10/2023 07:37

YANBU. Your DS needs to learn that you should treat your loved one’s with respect and kindness, not take them for granted.

Those saying, he’s family and it’s no big deal. It’s clear to see why so many men make poor husbands when their own mothers indulge them in this way.
When the wife’s divorced him for being a selfish prick and you hardly get to see your grandkids anymore, some of you might begin to reflect on how your lazy parenting is the root cause of your son’s adulting problems.

nibblessquibbles · 09/10/2023 07:41

Did he understand the difference between the chocs ? Only sometime teens are really not thinking and maybe he just thought replace "box of chocs" rather than "this specific box of nice chocs"?
I'd just explain to him as a PP said that you like specific chocs and you were upset he opened your present and you were upset with the replacement. That this replacement is not as nice quality and doesn't feel like a treat for your birthday and so you'd like a replacement that is exactly the same as the box he opened. If he thinks YABU then you need to explain that it was your birthday and if his sibling had opened up his presents and worn/eaten/used something without permission he'd be pretty cross. So there you have it

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 09/10/2023 07:44

Did he understand the difference between the chocs ? Only sometime teens are really not thinking and maybe he just thought replace "box of chocs" rather than "this specific box of nice chocs"?

I'll bet he'd understand fine well if somebody took his Nike trainers and then 'replaced' them with a George at Asda pair.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/10/2023 07:44

PurpleRadish · 09/10/2023 01:33

Yabu

Oh ffs.

Dilligafat · 09/10/2023 07:44

YANBU

Bubblesoffun · 09/10/2023 07:49

He’s 15, is this really the hill you want to die on with him? To be honest you sound like a petulant child who’s not getting their own way. He ate some chocolate, who cares? Take the rest and hide them and eat them yourself if it means that much to you. Oh and take the other box as well then you can have lots of chocolate just for you. So yeah YABU.

Kaill · 09/10/2023 07:51

At this point I’d be threatening to buy yourself two boxes of chocolates out of his allotted money for Christmas presents, unless he replaces them himself. He needs teaching a lesson.

GrazingSheep · 09/10/2023 07:51

This thread is very instructive. It goes some way to explaining why a significant number of boys grow up into man-children.

Gotanygrapes84 · 09/10/2023 07:52

I have children with real impulse control issues that would do something like this but they absolutely would be made to replace them.

actions have consequences. YADNBU

AuntieJoyce · 09/10/2023 07:53

Jesus, it’s hard-core on here this morning.

Particularly the “this is where it starts” brigade.

I swear this place gets more like The Onion every day

Summonedbybees · 09/10/2023 07:53

I agree that this is not a hill to die on. They are kids and I would love seeing them enjoying something as simple as chocolates. The teenage years are hard. As a pp said upthread, he will be gone in a couple of years. You will certainly teach him a lesson never to take anything of yours. My friend and her husband have just downsized to give their grown up kids hefty house deposits. In fact, lots of my friends have done this. We have gone without holidays for years in order to help with house deposits.
My son ( in his thirties) still asks our advice about lots of things. We do a lot of childcare and my husband helps a lot with diy. I am old. I don't want stuff. I do love helping my kids. I would hate it if they were wary of me and didn't feel that I would give them anything in my power to give. All my friends are the same. The older you get, the less stuff matters.
Teenagers are self conscious and feel things so deeply. He will feel guilty and horrible but if you make him feel rubbish he will always be wary of you ( which may be what you want).
I am afraid, I would be generous about the chocs. Almost certainly, they would then be replaced quietly and without drama and without them losing face.

CurlewKate · 09/10/2023 07:55

I do hate it when Mumsnetters excuse this sort of behaviour. Possibly excusable at 6. Outrageous at 16.

Brefugee · 09/10/2023 07:57

you are not UR and your son must replace them. Like for like.

Brefugee · 09/10/2023 07:59

NalafromtheLionKing · 09/10/2023 07:19

This is your son. It is a box of chocolates, which is unlikely to be expensive or even difficult to replace. Get a grip!

go on the relationships board. Read all the posts about male partners who eat all the snacks bought for children's lunch boxes. Or a packet of biscuits meant for the whole family to share. Or all the nice fruit, snacks, leftovers that were intended for midweek dinners.

They are sons of people like you.

neleh87 · 09/10/2023 08:00

YANBU

You can tell the people who appreciate chocolate on this thread!!

This would upset me. It probably was just a thoughtless/careless act, but if you had let him get away with it, he'd do it next time wouldn't he? I wouldn't do anything petty like replace his trainers, but I would quietly and firmly keep insisting that the chocolates are replaced.

Also, if you haven't already, explain why you are so upset.

The important question though: what chocolates are they?? I love a posh chocolate.

SheSaidHummingbird · 09/10/2023 08:01

Very unreasonable for saying 'chocs'.