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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 10/10/2023 19:17

Newbieatthis · Yesterday 18:39

Update
Thanks for all responses, amazed at number of them but good for me to think differently and consider other points of view. Didn't really want to ask DP ( yes he's father of son btw) to get involved as (optimistically) wanted son to remember on his own, but on reflection and after reading responses, thought again and DP had a word when son got back from school today. Result is got back from work just now, son opened door for me and gave me sweaty teenage hug, and apology... and handed me the replacement 📦 , this time the same ones. I'm happy with that. Thanks for all your thoughts, I think all the posts helped "the situation" to be resolved in as good a way as it could be. He is still a very decent boy, always was, but this was definitely a "teaching moment".
OP posts:See nextSee all

So both parents guilt tripped and bullied him into replacing, again, - DH probably paid for them to shut you up going on and on about some food he ate. And now he’s a great kid again? YABU

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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4915778-son-opened-my-birthday-chocs?postsby=Newbieatthis

Imaginemissmarple · 10/10/2023 19:24

This Happens in our house, I gave up so if it’s a really lovely present like posh chocolates, I hide them in the fridge under the vegetables…….nobody looks there!

SylvieB74 · 10/10/2023 19:28

YADNBU

phoenixrosehere · 10/10/2023 19:42

Toomuchtrouble4me · 10/10/2023 19:17

Newbieatthis · Yesterday 18:39

Update
Thanks for all responses, amazed at number of them but good for me to think differently and consider other points of view. Didn't really want to ask DP ( yes he's father of son btw) to get involved as (optimistically) wanted son to remember on his own, but on reflection and after reading responses, thought again and DP had a word when son got back from school today. Result is got back from work just now, son opened door for me and gave me sweaty teenage hug, and apology... and handed me the replacement 📦 , this time the same ones. I'm happy with that. Thanks for all your thoughts, I think all the posts helped "the situation" to be resolved in as good a way as it could be. He is still a very decent boy, always was, but this was definitely a "teaching moment".
OP posts:See nextSee all

So both parents guilt tripped and bullied him into replacing, again, - DH probably paid for them to shut you up going on and on about some food he ate. And now he’s a great kid again? YABU

Bullied and guilt tripped him? Please 🙄.

He didn’t even apologise the first time. He plopped the chocolates on the table and it was OP’s DH that told her that those were meant for her.

Not sure about you, but I’m pretty sure for someone to apologise they actually have to say it to the person they’re apologising to, not expect the person to be a mind reader and assume a random box of chocolates sitting on a table several days later is theirs or is meant to be an apology.

It was a lesson that needed to be learned for the future. Such actions are not going to fly nor excuses made for him due to his age once he is a legal adult.

Solonge · 10/10/2023 20:27

I think you are being unreasonable. I would have said not ok to open and eat other peoples birthday gift but not taken it this far.

puddleduckmummy · 10/10/2023 20:34

YANBU

Rachie1973 · 10/10/2023 20:36

Nazzywish · 09/10/2023 02:30

Is this a one off re taking something of yours ? He's a Kid let it go OP, one day when you need feeding by his hands as an old frail woman he may just remember what a miser you were. Why is there such a big complex with food and kids eating it on mumsnet. If you've taught them respect, and he is generally well behaved then the odd sneaky treat from mums chocolates- isn't a big thing. Also don't you just share all the food in the house treats or not? Maybe reframe how you look at food and don't see it as this person's and that - have everyone share everything that comes into the house, makes for a less selfish approach from parents towards your own flesh and blood, and your own kids not feeling like they're a burden on their parents for eating a bloody chocolate.

Bollox to that hippy crap.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 10/10/2023 20:37

A 4 year old you would be unreasonable but a teen should no better. I think you’ve done the right thing, if no replacement take it out of his pocket money plus interest!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 10/10/2023 21:42

Maybe they just won't bother buying you anything next year after your major strop over a few chocolates - I get that its annoying but seriously?????
No pressie next year = no moaning next year, winner

So OP will be in pretty much the same position as this year, then, considering that her gift was taken straight back again.

Presumably all her fault in thinking that her family might love her enough to want to share her celebration of her birthday with a kind token of their love for her - what a monster, eh?

Grammarnut · 10/10/2023 23:05

YABU. It was a box of chocolates. You've made your point: don't open other people's presents, now forget it.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 10/10/2023 23:58

Thanks for telling us when we have to switch the lights out and end a thread.

JimnyTCat · 11/10/2023 06:35

You steal your kids' birthday presents and (reluctantly) replace them with cheap stuff? Yes, that would make you a bad person.

Noony2 · 11/10/2023 07:59

Opening and eating a few of your chocolates does not mean that he still isn’t a kind decent boy, it also does not mean that you do not have a good relationship. It’s a box of chocolates for goodness sake. He did buy you some back, might not have been the exact ones but at least he did try. Dragging it out for days is teaching your son to do the same and it isn’t healthy. Communicate you are annoyed, accept the replacement chocolates and move on! Maybe he just really fancied some chocolate lol.

DriftingDora · 11/10/2023 08:26

Rachie1973 · 10/10/2023 20:36

Bollox to that hippy crap.

Show quote history

Couldn't have put it better myself, Rachie 1973. Loved the bit about 'feeding by his hands'. Pure Boris Johnson at his finest.

Lindar79 · 11/10/2023 08:42

It’s your son and it’s a box of chocolates. Get a grip

Loubelle70 · 11/10/2023 08:54

This isnt about the chocolates its about being acting entitled. Hes 16 , he knows.
I would expect the same chocolates back, its teaching him that you cant take without asking and theres a price to pay.

Loubelle70 · 11/10/2023 08:56

Imaginemissmarple · 10/10/2023 19:24

This Happens in our house, I gave up so if it’s a really lovely present like posh chocolates, I hide them in the fridge under the vegetables…….nobody looks there!

👍😁

nakedscientistfreewoman · 11/10/2023 08:56

I agree with this and similar thoughts.
My lovely kids are nearly all adults now. I followed “ love them the most when they deserved it the least’ as teenagers and it worked.

if it were me, the joy of these chocolates would be gone now after all the fuss. So creating an elaborate punishment would mean that the whole box was worthless, an own goal!

He ate some, not all, of the box so a full box replacement is not like for like, he may think that the cheapo full box was equivalent to a few posh ones.

the best way to solve this is with with a conversation. Young people hate disapproval and that is enough in this case. Let him understand he hurt you and allow him make it up in his way in his time which will be genuine and not just demanded. That will
make a good husband.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 11/10/2023 09:34

Maybe he just really fancied some chocolate lol.

He could have just stolen some from the corner shop - or found a toddler with some and snatched it out of their hand.

After all, it's only chocolate...

Panjandrum123 · 11/10/2023 13:45

@FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper
”After all, it’s only chocolate…”

OMG no! I have always been clear with my two that my posh chocolate is mine. (I have been known to share it with them.) I may have a chocolate addiction.

But kids have to learn and accept that some things aren’t for sharing. And that goes for their nice sweets/choc too; they get to decide. Whereas standard fare such as Fruit Pastilles or Minstrels etc are fair game.

(Years ago my mother and DSis hid my chocolate and I had a full on teenage meltdown 😳, and they laughed. But didn’t do it again. I’m still not over it 😏)

pphammer · 11/10/2023 14:17

What a YABU rant.
Childish as hell as well!

You're more concerned with your ego than educating your kid

ValSand1 · 11/10/2023 14:31

Teenagers seem to be more self-centred these days🙄. Try the same thing with something of his and point out his reaction (if he has one of course).

Stoptheworldpls · 11/10/2023 16:34

I would be this person. Damn straight!
Principle. Is he going to do this to future partners? Teach him a lesson mum

Stoptheworldpls · 11/10/2023 16:36

Pphammer...
If she takes your advice, she is teaching her chil it's okay to be a dick.

Not OK.

Deflate your own ego. You are up there on your high horse for what.

In effect, her child stole from her. You teach a lesson. He seems an adult so he hound no better.

Bookworm20 · 11/10/2023 16:46

Glad you got your choccies replaced OP. And who cares what brand! you love them and they were a gift and so they should be yours to enjoy.

And I think you handled it perfectly. So many people would have been silently disappointed, moaned at their ds a bit and then that would of been that.

But it was the principle of the thing. He obviously thought no big deal and maybe thought you wouldn't mind. But on him finding out you did mind and it was a big deal to you he still didn't replace them like for like. And good on you for not letting it drop.

And its great he gave you a hug and the new chocs, and honestly it sounds like you are doing an amazing job raising him. So, he messed up and ate your chocolates. But out of that he has learned a life lesson that if something is important to his mum, he needs to make it important to him if he is the one who messed up.

On behalf of the mums of his future girlfriends, Thank you for not letting it drop, making sure he knows it was the principle of it all and thus not churning out another disrespectful and unthoughtful lad.

Enjoy your choccies!

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