Page 21 | Son opened my birthday chocs

Newbieatthis · 2023-10-09T00:32:02+00:00

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

jannier · 11/10/2023 17:06

Bookworm20 · 11/10/2023 16:46

Glad you got your choccies replaced OP. And who cares what brand! you love them and they were a gift and so they should be yours to enjoy.

And I think you handled it perfectly. So many people would have been silently disappointed, moaned at their ds a bit and then that would of been that.

But it was the principle of the thing. He obviously thought no big deal and maybe thought you wouldn't mind. But on him finding out you did mind and it was a big deal to you he still didn't replace them like for like. And good on you for not letting it drop.

And its great he gave you a hug and the new chocs, and honestly it sounds like you are doing an amazing job raising him. So, he messed up and ate your chocolates. But out of that he has learned a life lesson that if something is important to his mum, he needs to make it important to him if he is the one who messed up.

On behalf of the mums of his future girlfriends, Thank you for not letting it drop, making sure he knows it was the principle of it all and thus not churning out another disrespectful and unthoughtful lad.

Enjoy your choccies!

👏👏👏👏

Snkt · 11/10/2023 23:20

Take other people’s property? Are you serious? My son not thinking I’m going to lose my shit at him for having my chocolate is going to birth a thief? I really strongly disagree. People take other people’s possessions because they can’t have what they want / need. When a child is brought up in a secure home where in the family home we share and are generous with each other they will not go taking other people’s possessions . I am not other people to my son or my husband - I am not a stranger. This sends chills to my bones and I just want to hug all these children. The world is shit enough as it is. Show them love and respect and they will be nothing but decent good people.

junbean · 11/10/2023 23:32

YANBU but I appreciate his love of good chocolate. The replacement was either an oversight or an attempt to get away with being cheap! I would use this as a teaching moment on how to treat women, respect, how to be a good human in general. I wouldn't question your relationship with him though, that was OTT.

Tilllly · 12/10/2023 07:33

@Newbieatthis
I'm glad it's resolved
Tho think he should also have got you a bottle of wine given the MN drama it unleashed 🤣😁🤣
<<<takes cover>>>

Montelukast · 12/10/2023 07:50

I had a similar thing happen to me. At Easter my dad bought all his children a chocolate egg. He didn’t get one for partners just for his children. The next morning my DH just unceremoniously opened my chocolate egg and started eating it. I was like wtf are you doing. His response - I want chocolate for breakfast and this is all me have ?
I was so cross !

Thewizardbinbag · 12/10/2023 08:40

Snkt · 11/10/2023 23:20

Take other people’s property? Are you serious? My son not thinking I’m going to lose my shit at him for having my chocolate is going to birth a thief? I really strongly disagree. People take other people’s possessions because they can’t have what they want / need. When a child is brought up in a secure home where in the family home we share and are generous with each other they will not go taking other people’s possessions . I am not other people to my son or my husband - I am not a stranger. This sends chills to my bones and I just want to hug all these children. The world is shit enough as it is. Show them love and respect and they will be nothing but decent good people.

Edited

You have to show them love and respect as well as teaching them to show others love and respect.
It is not loving and respectful to teach your kids that you are not another person, that your possessions and feelings don’t matter because you’re family. That’s how they’ll end up treating their spouse; as someone who doesn’t deserve the same respect they show their colleagues as “you’re family.” Just look at the number of women on here with husband’s who function perfectly well at work but treat them and the family like shit.

Boys especially need to be taught that their entitlement is wrong. You don’t take from someone, you don’t offer a half assed replacement, you don’t treat them like they don’t matter.

You are very wrong if you think this is behaviour you should just let go.

Peachee · 12/10/2023 11:11

Every time I open this thread the posts get more and more ridiculous.. In fact it’s getting to the point of comedy genius !!!!!

Gymnopedie · 12/10/2023 11:20

People take other people’s possessions because they can’t have what they want / need.

Bollox. Yes perhaps if it's something they really really really genuinely need and don't have the money to buy it. But just because they want it? Tough.

Show me the evidence that what you said - When a child is brought up in a secure home where in the family home we share and are generous with each other they will not go taking other people’s possessions - is in any way related to the DS's situation.

Snkt · 12/10/2023 19:54

You don’t get to tell me I am wrong. Because I would beg to disagree and we clearly have very different parenting styles. I have a boy. My boy will never in his life be entitled because he’s a man. He will never think what’s not his is his because he just thought so/ decided so. But us, his parents, are not strangers and I will never in my life tell him that anything under our roof isn’t his. This is our home. He can eat drink and even take my clothes or husbands as he wishes. He will be taught how to do it all with respect but punishing him for eating food gift or not is beyond me.

I also disagree, my husband and I share everything. We are family. We don’t have less respect for each other because we don’t need to ask permission to borrow/ use each others things.

Raising a man is BIG responsibility and I wholeheartedly disagree with anything that disrespects them, belittles them, or is petty. That is how you raise someone who disrespects women, he won’t have respect for his mum and he won’t have respect for other women.

Batalax · 12/10/2023 20:53

I think you are wrong too 🤷‍♀️

Batalax · 12/10/2023 20:54

Although you don’t need to punish. You just use it as a teaching moment.

Thewizardbinbag · 12/10/2023 21:45

Snkt · 12/10/2023 19:54

You don’t get to tell me I am wrong. Because I would beg to disagree and we clearly have very different parenting styles. I have a boy. My boy will never in his life be entitled because he’s a man. He will never think what’s not his is his because he just thought so/ decided so. But us, his parents, are not strangers and I will never in my life tell him that anything under our roof isn’t his. This is our home. He can eat drink and even take my clothes or husbands as he wishes. He will be taught how to do it all with respect but punishing him for eating food gift or not is beyond me.

I also disagree, my husband and I share everything. We are family. We don’t have less respect for each other because we don’t need to ask permission to borrow/ use each others things.

Raising a man is BIG responsibility and I wholeheartedly disagree with anything that disrespects them, belittles them, or is petty. That is how you raise someone who disrespects women, he won’t have respect for his mum and he won’t have respect for other women.

Teaching isn’t punishing, you understand?

Im sure the majority of parent son the country would say that their boys would never become men who treat women with disrespect, but guess what…. So so many men do. And their mums are fawning over them and telling them they can have whatever they want.

amiboverd · 12/10/2023 22:00

I think you were a bit unreasonable. from your OP I thought he might be a bit older and the fact you share once they're open probably meant he didn't realise he wasn't allowed to open them. You said yourself you have a good relationship otherwise.

Kate0902900908 · 12/10/2023 23:14

YANBU!!
hold out for correct replacement.
bravo for not allowing/raising another entitled thoughtless cheeky man who thinks he can just take, because there’s just too many of them knocking about.
its worse he replaced with cheap chocolates like you will have what I pay for but ate the posh chocolates. Insist he buys the replacement with his money asap, it will teach him a valuable lesson.

ALJT · 13/10/2023 07:50

YANBU I would have gone mad

jannier · 13/10/2023 14:56

Kate0902900908 · 12/10/2023 23:14

YANBU!!
hold out for correct replacement.
bravo for not allowing/raising another entitled thoughtless cheeky man who thinks he can just take, because there’s just too many of them knocking about.
its worse he replaced with cheap chocolates like you will have what I pay for but ate the posh chocolates. Insist he buys the replacement with his money asap, it will teach him a valuable lesson.

He has now replaced and apologized it's all sorted

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/10/2023 11:40

Teaching a child/young man manners is not punishment.

Who opens someone else's present?
Those saying they're happy for their kids to do so, do you have presents under the tree with no name tags and everyone takes what they want?

Do they open and take siblings presents and that's ok because it's family?

I wouldn't expect someone to open another's box of chocolates as much as if it were an experience voucher and use it, a bottle of wine and drink it with his mates, bath bombs and use them etc.

Offering to replace them with a cheaper alternative is saying he can have the nices ones but you should be grateful for lesser ones.

Good to have a partner who backed you up and for your son to realise he was wrong and hug it out.

Sounds like some sons with mum's on here would have seen nothing wrong with it and not apologised when asked to because of how they've been brought up.

If I had a present and my nephew or brother in law opened it and used it I wouldn't be happy.
It's disrespectful.

Ilovecleaning · 29/10/2023 19:48

PurpleRadish · 09/10/2023 01:33

Yabu

????