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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sad no one cares that Ive retired

195 replies

Dinkiedoo · 07/10/2023 23:42

I havent been in good health for a whike so decided to retire.
Not one person has sent a card. My family the people I worked with for 10 years no one.
Im sad and disappointed.
Im nice to people. Always lend an ear. Always buy little gifts for peoples birthdays etc etc.I am thoughtful and often the one who instigates suprises etc for other people.
I dont expect anything in return but a card or some flowers would have been nice.

OP posts:

CherrySocks · 07/10/2023 23:47

That's a shame. Some people are just not very thoughtful I suppose. Did you have a little goodbye party or anything? You could invite a few people to have a retirement lunch with you to mark the occasion?

Aphroditee · 07/10/2023 23:47

Happy retirement OP! I hope you’ve got loads of lovely plans lined up and have time to relax.

It’s really shit that you didn’t receive a card or flowers from your colleagues. So YANBU. Where I work, we always put together for a card and flowers/gifts for retirements, maternity, big birthdays etc.

Who is your family? Do you have a DH, partner, kids? If you have a DH/DP are they also retired?

I don’t know if it’s standard to get a family member a card for retirement but definitely should from colleagues.

Yazo · 07/10/2023 23:47

Oh no, I'm sad for you that's awful. Perhaps because it's ill health grounds people aren't sure how to approach it and don't want to offend?

namechangnancy · 07/10/2023 23:48

Retirement is a journey. It's not always a good journey. You need to seek out people in the same stage of life as you and put yourself out there.

My mum felt like you when she retired and went out to make new friends and now she had a better social life than me.

Yazo · 07/10/2023 23:48

I do wonder if it's more the thing to organise a party yourself, my mum did and I got her a car and present. I'm not sure I would have done otherwise..

CesareBorgia · 07/10/2023 23:49

If it's any consolation, I envy you from the bottom of my heart.

Original poster

Dinkiedoo · 07/10/2023 23:49

Absolutely nothing.

OP posts:

Maddy70 · 07/10/2023 23:50

I worked for my last place fir over 20 years. I didn't even get a card.

It doesn't matter. People are so wrapped uo in their own shit they forget.
It's just a job. Dont overthink it. Enjoy your lovely free time

Millybob · 07/10/2023 23:51

So many people are WFH now that weeks/months go by before you even notice that someone has retired.

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 23:51

How old are you?

VintageTuppence · 07/10/2023 23:52

I retired this year and it didn’t occur to me that people would celebrate it. Which is good because they didn’t.

LadyWithLapdog · 07/10/2023 23:58

I hope being off work helps with your health so you can enjoy your retirement. It wouldn’t occur to me to do something individually but I would contribute if someone organised it. Had you been working very part-time and was it a gradual fade into retirement?

Original poster

Dinkiedoo · 08/10/2023 00:29

OP posts:

Pudmyboy · 08/10/2023 00:30

So sorry that no-one noticed @Dinkiedoo , may I ask: were you off work and simply did not go back in? If this was the case I wonder if colleagues and family may have thought that as there was no demarcation ie a final leaving day/pack up locker or desk etc, then there was no cause to mark your retirement date?
Still feel for you, especially if you felt you had been part of the team. Possibly as some have suggested, could you have a leaving meal and invite your old colleagues? That would give them a chance to organise a collection.
As for family: could you tell them how you feel? I wonder if they are focusing on your health and not aware of how you feel about this life change?
I hope you have a lovely retirement and it helps with your wellbeing 💐

Dontjudgeme101 · 08/10/2023 00:31

I am so sorry to hear that op.💐💐💐

theduchessofspork · 08/10/2023 00:34

Happy retirement OP.

That’s crap of your work - I suspect everyone thinks it’s been organised. If you like people there I would rise above it and send an email round suggesting lunch. It’ll be a nice way to mark it.

I don’t think families and friends outside of work usually mark retirement, so I wouldn’t worry about that.

Pudmyboy · 08/10/2023 00:35

I am thoughtful and often the one who instigates suprises etc for other people.
This may be the issue, no-one else is used to taking the initiative. Please be good to yourself, their behaviour reflects on them not you 🌹

Motherofjessie · 08/10/2023 00:42

Happy Retirement Dinkiedoo - hope you have a relaxing time and treat yourself 💐 🥂 🎁

UsingChangeofName · 08/10/2023 01:00

I havent been in good health for a whike so decided to retire.

As in, not been at work for a long time ?

Not one person has sent a card. My family.......

It wouldn't occur to me to send a retirement card to a family member, or a friend though. I mean, retirements are usually only acknowledged by colleagues, aren't they ?

the people I worked with for 10 years.

That I would^ be cross about, but what is the tradition in your workplace ?
Do people leaving normally have a collection arranged ? Do people usually arrange a 'bit of a do' themselves? Or what is 'what usually happens' in your workplace, as that makes a difference as to if your retirement being ignored is bad or not.

traumallama · 08/10/2023 01:03

Sorry to hear this OP. I care! Hope you have a lovely retiral and that you get to enjoy it. You sound absolutely lovely 💗

Nevermind31 · 08/10/2023 01:09

Happy retirement! Sounds like you were the organiser at work… so there is no one to fill your role.
have you told people at work? Wasn’t there a send off/ speech from your manager?

Beeswood · 08/10/2023 01:11

Wishing you a very Happy Retirement!

Toenailz · 08/10/2023 02:38

Very sorry to hear this and understand completely why you would be upset. I've left jobs before and never received a thing - even when I constantly chipped in, and even organised for other peoples leaving gifts.

This is a reflection on them, not you. It's not hard to get a card for goodness sake. It's lovely you are a thoughtful person who has done nice things for others, and it's a shame you've not received the same thoughtfulness back. Not everyone is the same in regards to thoughtfulness and kindness.

Happy Retirement OP x

WandaWonder · 08/10/2023 02:43

When I retire I will stop work I don't see why I would need a celebration for that?

AcrossthePond55 · 08/10/2023 02:45

Sleep in, lounge in your pjs. Sip that tea slowly. Savour the fact that you are relaxing at home and they're still slaving away.

From one retiree to another Happy Retirement. Take care of yourself and enjoy it!

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