Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad no one cares that Ive retired

195 replies

Dinkiedoo · 07/10/2023 23:42

I havent been in good health for a whike so decided to retire.
Not one person has sent a card. My family the people I worked with for 10 years no one.
Im sad and disappointed.
Im nice to people. Always lend an ear. Always buy little gifts for peoples birthdays etc etc.I am thoughtful and often the one who instigates suprises etc for other people.
I dont expect anything in return but a card or some flowers would have been nice.

OP posts:
Badbadbunny · 09/10/2023 16:02

HellonHeels · 09/10/2023 12:08

But will they want to celebrate when they move to a new job or if they go on maternity leave? I'd imagine so, so why not mark a colleague's retirement? Most workplaces celebrate those events.

Currently the oldest pension age is 68. The average age of death in the UK is 81+ The majority of us will still retire before we die.

Show quote history

Digging into the more detailed data, workers don't live as long, as manual/unskilled workers don't live as long as professional/management workers. Lower skilled workers, on average, don't really live that many years after state retirement age - many die before state retirement age.

Listofjobs · 09/10/2023 16:06

Seems to be a sign of the times - people care only on a superficial level. Happy retirement and sod then lot of them!

Justifiedcheese · 09/10/2023 16:40

HellonHeels · 09/10/2023 12:08

But will they want to celebrate when they move to a new job or if they go on maternity leave? I'd imagine so, so why not mark a colleague's retirement? Most workplaces celebrate those events.

Currently the oldest pension age is 68. The average age of death in the UK is 81+ The majority of us will still retire before we die.

Show quote history

Quite. And people wonder why certain generations are seen as self centred...not to mention hypocritical with the "why should we care about old people's milestones" but demanding everyone see their point of view.

LT1982 · 09/10/2023 16:40

YANBU. Maybe if collleagues are mainly wfh they dont réalise you have retired?

I guess I would never think to buy a family member à retirement card as its more work related

JLou08 · 09/10/2023 17:05

I would never even think to buy a retirement card for family or friends so I wouldn't take that personally. Really rubbish that work didn't do it though 😒 Wishing you a lovely retirement and I hope your health improves

DottyLottieLou · 09/10/2023 17:11

I feel for you but keep yourself busy and you'll soon forget them. I retire soon and I am hoping to slip away quietly with no one noticing. I wouldn't expect cards from family or friends, thats a work thing to me. Just start enjoying this next and best stage of your life.

Purplefriends · 09/10/2023 17:29

It wouldn't occur to me to get someone retiring a card. Surely the fact they are retiring is present enough in itself! You've achieved what we all want. People are probably quite envious and assuming you are happily moving forward and not looking back at them!

bonzaitree · 09/10/2023 17:42

I didn’t know retirement presents was a thing!

shivbo2014 · 09/10/2023 18:07

I had no idea you even congratulated someone when they retired or bought them a card! Maybe other people are the same.

Noodles1234 · 09/10/2023 18:09

happy retirement!!
I do find a lot of people care, but less people buy cards now, it’s a shame as can be so well received.

I hope you’re making the most amazing and exciting plans and go have so much fun!

UsingChangeofName · 09/10/2023 18:21

Have your parents or grandparents, or their friends, not retired since you became an adult? The norm used to be a party in work, or a paid meal, but some sort of celebration was paid for by management.

Not in any of the places I've ever worked @Ponoka7 , and I've worked in quite a few different places over the last 40 years plus. It must be specific you where you work, or possibly the type or job you have ?

It's really bad that the manager did nothing.

Not necessarily.
The OP hasn't answered anyone's questions about her retirement though, so difficult for people to say, as we don't know the circumstances.

carlydiamond · 09/10/2023 18:22

echt · 09/10/2023 04:20

I think you nailed it in your OP. As the organiser of thoughtful gestures, there's no-one to look out for you. It's crap. Flowers

I've been that person in the place I've worked because I enjoyed it. Was it reciprocated? Most times not. In one place, after twelve years of service, I got a single postcard of Turner's "The Fighting Temeraire towed to her last berth to be broken up". Some irony there one thinks. Grin

Any way, all the very best to you in your retirement. I'm coming to the end of my second year and loving it. I don't know how I found the time to work.

😂

Mary46 · 09/10/2023 18:27

It should have been marked a card a cake or something. Op Happy Retirement I hope you enjoy your time. I do find people quite casual since covid..

Ffion21 · 09/10/2023 19:11

I don’t think it’s a thing celebrating families retirements OP. However your work should absolutely be celebrating it.

NIClaire · 09/10/2023 19:50

Happy Retirement, I hope you have health and happiness to enjoy your free time.

I'm sorry that nobody in your work or even family etc celebrated with you. A card and flowers from your colleagues would have been the least they should have done. Pay them no mind, they clearly didn't deserve you.

decionsdecisions62 · 09/10/2023 19:58

I don't think we are getting the full story here. For all we know you have taken your work to the cleaners, been a nightmare, got paid off to go early. A recent x colleague did just that recently then complained no one did speeches for her. I now can't employ anyone to replace her cos she got a pay out to go! She can stick her retirement celebrations!

MrsMiddleMother · 09/10/2023 20:03

Have you had a retirement party? I had a card and small gift ready for a colleague who retired but the retirement party kept getting postponed and I didn't have their address. Due to ill health then retiring, they hadn't actually seen colleagues for a couple of years so in the end I think people kind of forgot. It's certainly something that if you don't organise a 'good bye party' you won't get much.

Mummytotheboy · 09/10/2023 20:19

Happy Retirement. When my mum died, I didn't even get so much as a text from colleagues. I was supposed to get a bunch of flowers up to £25 delivered to the house, I know this as I used to be a manager there so it used to be one of the management teams job to make these arrangements. I now don't give to any collection going. I'm one of the few members of the team that knows everyone due to my shifts which makes it even worse. Even the colleagues I'm closest to who drive past my house every day they go to work couldn't shove a card through the door yet I'd got cards coming from people I didn't even know. Makes you realise who really matter

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 09/10/2023 20:36

I worked there for a while. Been ill this year but was in for last few months after deciding to leave. I always supported my work mates . Always gave to collections for one thing or another. Was resident agony aunt at times. Everyone knew I was going. Sad to see me go they said. Dont be a stranger was another platitude as well as being told Id be missed.

Have accepted that it was just a job and I was just another number.
I do appreciate all the lovely comments that have been made as well as my own thread someone made x gave me a warm glow xxx

OP posts:
Cetim · 10/10/2023 05:04

Yanbu I would be sad too. Could you maybe treat yourself to some nice bits and a spa day or something? Sometimes you have to be your own best friend. Take care X

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 10/10/2023 06:42

Maybe I’m selfish but it wouldn’t occur to me to send anyone flowers or a card for retiring.

We’d do a card/lunch/drinks at work, like we do for anyone who’s leaving.

CherryMaDeara · 10/10/2023 06:48

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 10/10/2023 06:42

Maybe I’m selfish but it wouldn’t occur to me to send anyone flowers or a card for retiring.

We’d do a card/lunch/drinks at work, like we do for anyone who’s leaving.

But the point is no one has done a card/lunch/drinks. OP’s manager should have sorted it.

mjf981 · 10/10/2023 06:48

Book a lovely afternoon spa day for a miserable wet mid winter day. Drive past your old job on the way there and smugly think to yourself how lucky you are not to stuck in there for 8 hours every day!

AcrossthePond55 · 10/10/2023 12:49

Have accepted that it was just a job and I was just another number.

@Dinkiedoo

I think a lot of people would be surprised to know that they're just a cog in the wheel and that any 'relationship' ends when we all walk out the door.

Mine was the opposite problem when I retired. I just wanted to slip away quietly. They wanted to 'give me' a party. A party where I couldn't eat any of the food due to Celiac Disease. When I explained, they had no interest in changing the catering to something that could accommodate me. So yeah, I was supposed to just sit and watch them all eat. At 'my' party. I told them I wouldn't be there.

That's when, after 20 years in that office (35 years total with the Agency), I learnt that I was just a cog.

Bludyhelltobenutz · 10/10/2023 18:12

Congratulations on your retirement Dinkidoo! I know how you feel a bit as regards parties etc. I’ve always organised my own milestone parties because I love to have a gathering and give family and friends a good time and it’s always me that ‘does things’ for others. However I can’t help thinking that occasionally it would be nice to have family do a surprise party for me like some of my friends have had. It’s just not to be I guess. Take heart - join clubs, pursue hobbies and make new friends. Take a trip away and live life for you. Good luck with whatever you do.

Swipe left for the next trending thread