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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

252 replies

Mamatolittleboy · 07/10/2023 23:10

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

OP posts:
fairfat40 · 07/10/2023 23:15

Next time be upfront before you order - say you’re on a budget so is it ok if you just pay for what you eat.

ZenNudist · 07/10/2023 23:15

I split bill but it's OK if you can't afford to split. Awkward to raise it. I'd stop going out with them...

Clemally · 07/10/2023 23:16

Split equally, a large group of people totting everything up individually is a bit passé.

Sunbird24 · 07/10/2023 23:16

You need to set out your stall right at the beginning rather than waiting until the bill comes. Nothing wrong with saying you’re on a bit of a tight budget this month so hopefully nobody minds if you just pay for what you order. If there’s 18-20 of you there’s bound to be a few other people thinking the same thing.

CuriousGeorge80 · 07/10/2023 23:17

YANBU to only pay for what you eat. It’s fine to split a bill if everyone genuinely agrees and consumes a similar amount, but that’s all.

In your position I would message the person organising the dinner in advance and say due to an expensive month you will only be able to pay for what you order, and you wanted to let them know in advance so it’s not awkward on the day.

Upsideclown · 07/10/2023 23:18

Honestly, I detest the fuss of adding up individual orders and genuinely couldn't cope if everyone at a 20 person meal had to tot up their individual bills. I'm also a veggie who doesn't drink and rarely has dessert, but i'd still be willing to pay more (within reason) to avoid the awkwardness. Either that, or ask the waiter for separate bills at the beginning.

However, SMP is shite so I do feel for you!

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 23:19

If you can't afford it then pay separately. I would always split equally though.

Comefromaway · 07/10/2023 23:19

I would never split the bill.

I remember when we were on a really tight budget and would both order the cheapest thing on the menu and hardly drink.

we are now in a fairly privileged position financially but would still not split the bill because it might put others who are not so well off in a difficult position.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/10/2023 23:19

Raise the question of how to split beforehand, not when the bill arrives! Of course it's not unreasonable for you to only pay what you ordered, especially if there's a considerable disparity. Trouble is it's difficult to manage with a large group.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/10/2023 23:21

Isn’t there an app where you can split the bill?

I hate it as I go out with friends who don’t really drink but I have wine. I always insist that I pay separately for my wine.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/10/2023 23:21

Splitting the bill when there are 18of you, is really difficult because some people will inevitably take advantage of that. Given your situation I would just say to the waiter we will pay separately.

1988really · 07/10/2023 23:21

Sunbird24 · 07/10/2023 23:16

You need to set out your stall right at the beginning rather than waiting until the bill comes. Nothing wrong with saying you’re on a bit of a tight budget this month so hopefully nobody minds if you just pay for what you order. If there’s 18-20 of you there’s bound to be a few other people thinking the same thing.

This is absolutely fine .

EveryKneeShallBow · 07/10/2023 23:22

I would simply say that you are intending to pay for your own order. No need to mention being short of money, or having a difficult month. The rest can split between them if they like. I also don’t see why you should have to mention it at the beginning. The only people affected will be those planning to order expensive options and drinks. Serve them right if they end up paying for it.

YOOHOOHEYITSME · 07/10/2023 23:23

i never split the bill only pay for what i eat

1.i don't drink(been teetotal my whole 42 years)so i certainly aint paying for yours same when i had a partner, he never drank either

2.i buy small plates as my severe GURD cant tolerate a lot of food in one go so no starters or rich food

people who order lots of plates and a lot of alcohol know they are taking the piss as its not coming fully out of their pocket

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 23:23

I usually split but it's usually based on us having similar amounts.

The only person who would have an issue with paying for what you actually spent is someone who wants to take the piss. If everyone ate the way they did, they'd only be paying what they spent anyway.

For the milestone meal coming up, I would just tell the waiter you'd like a seperate bill please as you'll be paying seperately. No big deal. Nice people won't care.

CeeChynaa · 07/10/2023 23:24

I really hate when everyone gets their calculator out to start adding how much their individual total is, I just find it cringe. Even if it was only me and one other person, I’d just split it unless I spent so much more than them and it was unfair.

If you do want to pay for your own meal, then I’d say it at some point when the bill is coming. It can be quite awkward but as long as you speak up and say ‘we’re just going to pay for our meal if that’s okay’ then there won’t be a problem! It’s easier if the people you’re eating out with are genuine friends rather than acquaintances

RampantIvy · 07/10/2023 23:25

Clemally · 07/10/2023 23:16

Split equally, a large group of people totting everything up individually is a bit passé.

No it isn't. It really isn't. If anything I would say it is more common these days.

I was out last week with 7 friends, and we all paid for what we ate plus a tip. The waiting staff were obviously very used to this happening.

DH and I once subsidised other people's drinks at a meal when the bill was split evenly. We were young and unsure of ourselves. This will never happen again. TBH if DH and I eat out with another couple we do split the bill evenly because we pretty much spend a similar amount on food and drink.

In your shoes @Mamatolittleboy I would just say before ordering that you will just pay for your own. Just ask the waiter for a separate bill.

Catsmere · 07/10/2023 23:26

My friends and I always pay for ourselves. If it's a restaurant we just ask for separate bills.

Maddy70 · 07/10/2023 23:27

Generally if its fairly equal. I split the bill. If one of the party hadn't been drinking or just jad a starter etc. Then no people pay for themselves

Yazo · 07/10/2023 23:29

I always prefer splitting the bill, I have friends that will literally quibble over paying 75p more than me or asking to put £20.14 or something ridiculous on a card. Split the bill and round it to 50p is what I prefer! I do pay individually with some friends that I know like to do that but it annoys me, went out this evening and I paid less than others, I would have happily paid a bit more which would have done if it was split, it's a nice communal thing to do. Individual billing someone always forgets something or doesn't put in a tip, everyone thinks they did it right. Personally I'd eat and drink a bit more and maybe cut back somewhere else or not go out if you can't afford it.

mumsince2021 · 07/10/2023 23:29

I'm actually really surprised so many people here think it's fine when some people order expensive meals, have starters, desserts, cocktails, lots of drinks. How can you expect someone tee total for example who had just a main course to cover everyone's drinks and extras? I would always pay for my own (plus tip) in a group! If its a meal with just a couple of close friends and we had almost the same eg a starter, main, a glass of wine then fine just split as it's maybe only a pound or so off but absolutely not if it's all sorts of variations in a group!

Frostyloz · 07/10/2023 23:33

It really is a pain in larger groups to work out what everyone had and pay to the penny so I prefer to split the bill equally.

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but I think you need to look at it as ‘am I happy to pay £x for my night out’ and forget about adding up what you had vs what you’ve paid for.

However, if there’s a big disparity in what was ordered (people not drinking, having 1 course instead of 3), we’d always be happy for those who had less to only pay for what they had.

Not related to your issue, but I do get annoyed when the people who want to pay for what they had grossly underestimate it and forget to add on tip and actually end up underpaying.

There have been several occasions where a non-drinker had 3 or 4 soft drinks to my one alcoholic drink, and a more expensive meal but somehow worked out that they should be paying £10-£15 less.

Parker231 · 07/10/2023 23:34

Agree before you start the meal. Restaurants are quite use to taking individual orders from each couple in a larger group.

chopc · 07/10/2023 23:34

I wouldn't be able to consume more alcohol than others and more expensive food and NOT offer to pay more. Your friends are CF

Clariee45 · 07/10/2023 23:36

It seemed to used to be this way as one bill was bought to the table and more people carried cash but more recently seems to be a case of each individual going up to the till at the end and paying for what they ordered by card. Just check the restaurant can facilitate that but most seem to have no problem with that nowadays