Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

[Mamatolittleboy]

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

I regularly go out to a hobby event with a large group.

We have folks in work, pensioners and big differences in what we'd eat and drink.

We always pay for our own.

Out with another couple with similar tastes, we split the bill.

Common sense.

No need to feel embarrassed at all.

And to those saying pay-per-consume is passé, on the contrary. Younger groups do this far more now.

I absolutely agree with this.
I do remember going for lunch with some colleagues many years ago. There was a place near work that offered two courses from a set menu for £6 at lunchtime. We'd go there about once a month and we'd split the bill as we would all choose from that menu.
Except on one occasion when a different colleague chose to join us and ordered the most expensive items from their regular menu and then ordered wine as well. The starter she ordered alone was more than twice the cost of anyone else's meal.
She then wanted to split the bill. There was no way I could have afforded it so I spoke up and was made to feel like absolute crap about it. But there was no way I could subsidise her and neither did I want to! That was the turning point for me though and I've always said ahead of the meal since that I'm not splitting the bill.

We usually just split the bill if we’re out with another couple and we’ve all had similar amounts of food or alcohol but would probably be the ones ordering the expensive stuff tbh and then offering to pay more at the end of the meal

Thank you everyone!

I can understand why some people have said it is a lot of faff to split the bill but I think we will just ask for our own receipt / tab at the beginning and let others know we are on a tight budget due to maternity leave.

I think we must of paid around £40 more yesterday which probably doesn’t sound like much to others however that’s our weekly food shopping money almost or how much we would spend on our sons Christmas presents

But then why didn’t you say something?!

if my children’s Christmas present money equivalent was going down the toilet for no reason I would say something. Don’t be passive!

No problem doing an even split with friends as we usually have the same things. So you're a few quid down one time and a few quid up the next. The rare time someone's not drinking then they don't pay for the alcohol. These days it would just be a bottle of wine or two for the table though.
I don't like it with work people. The last work dinner cost me €70 for a bowl of pasta and a glass of wine, because we were then forced to surprise-treat the leaving person and also fork out for a woman who'd had a fill of expensive cocktails and gone home sick.
With friends you can say you'd rather just pay for yourself and if they're nice they won't care. When it is more formal, you can't really get out of the even split so either don't go or suck it up. I just won't be going to any more work dinners (dislike work socialising anyway so no hardship!)

I always add up what I had and then round up a bit and say to the person who gets the bill hey I’ll pay £30 for my share and leave the others to sort out the rest. If for example the total bill is £180 for 6 people then obviously I wouldn’t say that as the split would be the same.

@glitterfinder so did that one woman get out of paying for all her expensive cocktails and everyone else paid for them?? If that was my work do whoever was most senior would have paid her share then found her in work next day/week and told her to pay it back!

If I split a bill and some people have had alcohol and others haven't, I normally take the alcohol off, then split the bill and then split the alcohol between those who had some.

I certainly wouldn't expect those who didn't drink to split evenly

It depends on who I was eating with. If I thought I would end up paying a lot more than was fair I would ask in advance for a separate bill and pay that and a tip based on that.

I don’t mind paying a bit extra with close friends but large groups seem to egg each other on for more drinks and puddings, coffees etc and I live rurally so need to drive and don’t want 3 courses and coffees and I don’t want to go home with a bill hangover for the next day and being resentful that my money subsided everyone else

If people are decent they suggest paying more if they know they ordered expensive dishes or lots of drinks. It's fine to only pay for what you ordered.

I do remember an excruciating Christmas work meal where calculations took practically as long as the meal. That's not fun.

Yes she did. And I agree with you. The extra I paid (outside the even split I had expected) was the price of a week's shopping for me. Lesson learned.

Suspect you are the one ordering the expensive steaks and expecting others to pay for it.

We always just split the bill but would be fine to pay proportionately if people were on a budget. Just mention it at the start.

We also split food but pay for our own drinks sometimes which can work especially with a set menu.
I hate the thought that people feel they can't go out with friends/family because they can't control their own budget.

This guy ordered a bottle of wine, surf and turf, sharer sundae to himself. Then tried to take charge of the bill and have it split. I point blank refused, as did several others. It eventually turned out CF hadn't even bought his wallet and had actually tried to divide it by everyone but him

@SaveMeFromMyBoobs

I think I went out with this guy once too. Worst part is it was for a mate's birthday, him and his friend somehow ended up coming too as they were friends with one of the people actually invited and they were going clubbing after (so they weren't particularly friends with the birthday girl) and after ordering a full meal, drinks etc turns out he'd only brought a tenner. What a prick.

The problem is in a group of 18-20 it's almost impossible for everyone to work out exactly what they need to pay, and whoever's holding the bill will inevitably end up paying the balance of what other people have failed to cover (I've been that person more than once). If you can't afford to split equally then personally I'd decline the invite.

?

isn’t going out to eat in a restaurant just shitting your money away!

Yeah, I've been out when I've been the obviously lowest spender but couldn't be arsed with the working it out and just paid the equal share. However, that was my choice. I'd have been irritated if the other people just assumed. And it wasn't as extreme a discrepancy as some of the piss taking examples people have given here!

Friends and I tend to split bill equally but we tend to eat/drink similarly too and are not on budgets.

I'd generally just split, but if I'd had more I would pay more (might not calculate the exact amount but say its 40 each I'd offer 45 and the other pay 35). There will always be piss takers. We went out for a large group meal where everyone wanted to pay for what they ordered (a long time ago now). A few couples rounded down everything they had ordered so were about a fiver short anyway and didn't leave a tip. Left the rest of us having to pay more and also see to the tip because we didn't want to not leave one. I think if you're splitting then ask at the start for your own separate bill. That way it'll be fair.

TBH these days I don't tend to eat out with people I don't know well enough to have this kind of conversation with. Like most posters if the cost of food and drink is pretty even, give or take a £ or two we just split it, but if one person has three courses and a bottle of wine and one just has one course and a glass of water then it would be pay per person.

I tend to socialise with people who have a sense of fairness and aren't self entitled twats anyway so there would never be any kind of awkwardness in the first place.

i would be saying we are paying for what we eat and asking for separate bills.

Even this has it's pitfalls one glass of wine is very different to numerous cocktails