Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

252 replies

Mamatolittleboy · 07/10/2023 23:10

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

OP posts:
MistyMountainTop · 08/10/2023 01:16

My young person works in a restaurant at the weekend and is quite used to providing separate bills! And finds that those who get one bill for a large table, then try to split it themselves always end up with one person of the group taking all the service charge to reduce their bill. And if you know a person like that, they're taking money intended for an 18 year old on minimum wage.

Catsmere · 08/10/2023 01:28

Frostyloz · 08/10/2023 00:40

I feel a bit daft but I had no idea this was a possibility. It’s good to know. We often have one or two in our group who want to pay for what they had (one is quite keen when she’s eating next to nothing, less keen when she’s ordered a bottle of wine and the fillet steak!) but this would be really handy - separate bills for them and the rest of us could split. We’re usually sitting with calculators trying to remember who had what.

Show quote history

Glad to help!

I hate the calculators thing - had to do that in the US when I visited long ago, because they don't include the tax on advertised prices, the tax varies from state to state (even county to county iirc) and on top of all that is the tip. Bloody awful when you're no good with figures!

NorthernLights5 · 08/10/2023 02:38

I really hate when everyone gets their calculator out to start adding how much their individual total is, I just find it cringe It's 2023! It's perfectly socially acceptable for diners and incredibly easy for wait staff to do separate bills at the outset. Why on earth does anyone think you'd need to get a calculator out at the table in this day and age? Just sounds like an excuse for wanting others to pay for your expensive tastes tbh!

LaurieStrode · 08/10/2023 03:34

Comefromaway · 07/10/2023 23:19

I would never split the bill.

I remember when we were on a really tight budget and would both order the cheapest thing on the menu and hardly drink.

we are now in a fairly privileged position financially but would still not split the bill because it might put others who are not so well off in a difficult position.

Same here.

I always ask the server for my own bill.

mrsbyers · 08/10/2023 03:44

In that situation I would pay for what we had roughly as I don’t drink much I’d begrudge subsidising that aspect plus expensive choices

1FootInTheRave · 08/10/2023 03:59

I would much rather pay for what I've had. Usually because I want a treat and will therefore order fillet steak, 3 wines and a pudding.

I'd never want friends to subsidise that. It wouldn't be fair.

Splitting only works fairly if you've all had similar.

Totalwasteofpaper · 08/10/2023 04:07

I agree with @Iknowthis1 and my experience is that almost always that the total is short as people underestimate their share and forget bits....the only except is when we go out with our core friendship group (they are very generous so the wait staff always ends up with a very decent tip)

In your specific situation I would keep your order simple
E.g. 1x pepperoni pizza 1x pasta Ragu and just drink tap water. Let's assume it £30 give £35 and your part is settled.
I'd do this discreetly and the front desk post main and predessert under the guise of popping to the toilet. Then after paying mention to the host you've paid for yours already as you have to leave promptly at 10 (or whenever) to relieve the baby sitter so don't need to be included when splitting the bill.

This is a bit convoluted BUT keeps the British niceness status quo and side steps the large table announcement of "we are only paying for what we ate" conversation which can make you look like you are being awkward and cheap*

.* I don't think it is this, but I think culturally in the UK not doing rounds or splitting the bill by no of people is seen as awkward and a sign you are tight.

RetirementIsGreat · 08/10/2023 05:21

We always get separate bills when going out with friends.

RetirementIsGreat · 08/10/2023 05:30

We have always just told the server when taking orders, that we want separate bills. Never had an issue. I've attended many luncheons with 18 or more people and we each got separate bills. No issues.

echt · 08/10/2023 05:47

As has been suggested upthread, notify the meal organiser that you will pay by separate bill. No need to explain your financial circumstances. If they are a true friend, they won't ask. Things being what they are, stuff gets forgotten, you might need to say this again when at the restaurant.

magneticmoon · 08/10/2023 05:56

Your friends are CF. Whereas you've left the restaurant eating less and paying more and feeling uneasy about your night out, they've achieved the opposite - eaten more, paid less than the value of their food (subsidised by you) and probably feeling quite satisfied with that. Unless they are really quite ignorant people, they knew what they were doing too, so debatable whether really your 'friends'.

And an actual friend won't mind splitting the bill up even when it arrives at the table and paying for what they chose to consume.

Don't let them do this to you again.

Goldmember · 08/10/2023 06:04

Depends which is most expensive and then choose that option. I'd hate the idea of someone being out of pocket for me. Thankfully most of my friends and family are the same so it can end up being like Father Ted where Mrs Doyle and her friend are fighting over the bill.

Theoldwoman · 08/10/2023 06:06

Just pay for what I ordered.

I don’t drink alcohol, or much in the way of non alcoholic beverages, and I eat very small portions.

Potentialmadcatlady · 08/10/2023 06:08

I’m generally driving and not drinking so I refuse to split the bill. Why should I pay for someone else bottle of wine etc. I don’t argue over the small change aspect but I’m not paying £20/£30 more than my meal cost to subsidise others drinking.
I generally say when we ordering from the menu that I will be paying for my own meal. While I’m ordering I mentally total my meal and I always bring cash. If it comes to say £26 then I throw down £30 and that’s it sorted.
Even better is when we are organising via group message to go out, generally someone says shall we go to xyz as they have a set menu and anyone drinking can pay for their own…
If that’s not ok then I don’t go. Money is tight and I’m not spending an evening with people who think it is ok to sit and get hammered at someone else’s expense- that’s not the sort of friends I would want to spend time with.

SD1978 · 08/10/2023 06:09

For the up coming event- I'd say equal split, and order more. Trying to work out 18 people's fair share isn't going to happen- most restaurants won't split bills by that number. Smaller groups, 2-3 couples, then split by what you have, but would also mentione that in the beginning

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/10/2023 06:10

For group of 3 couples you could have done it individually but I think equally with a bit of an adjustment if very disproportionate is more normal. For 20 people everyone doing individual is bound to go wrong and some things will get missed so it’s probably easier to split.

meatbaseddessert · 08/10/2023 07:09

We'd usually split the bill but I don't have any teetotallers or bird like eaters in my social group so we've all snarfed a shit tonne of a wine and steaks between us. I'm not a dessert eater but I'll usually get an extra side or have more wine when everyone has dessert so it just usually works out equal.

I'm always aware of someone who had a lot less though eg if they are driving and will point it out when working out the split.

I can't say I've ever gone it for dinner and seen my opportunity to have the group subsidise my food. The again I'm not going to hold back on eating and drinking what I want just because Sandra has only had a side salad and tap water. Sandra just needs to speak up and tell us she paying for herself or ask to take her share off before doing the split. I don't know any group who wouldn't notice this anyway and make allowances.

To be honest most of the places we go to these days have shared tapas style food so we choose what we want to eat and drink as a group anyway so it makes far more sense to split

GodDammitCecil · 08/10/2023 07:10

We always split the bill with friends and family as that’s the norm, everyone orders more or less the same, and we’re all in a similar income bracket.

But it’s perfectly OK to just pay for your own, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if someone wanted to do this. In fact, I have thought of one scenario where we’d just pay for our own, and that’s with colleagues.

Just be prepared next time when the bill arrives - just say, ‘we’ll just pay for our own, if that’s OK’. Nobody’s going to say - no, that’s not OK!

Iphonewoes · 08/10/2023 07:14

If I were in a group where some one had had only one course and soft drinks and the rest had 3 courses and cocktails the easiest thing is let the one course person pay first for their bits then the rest split the balance.

mummy21blueeyed · 08/10/2023 07:16

even when we don’t split the bill which we don’t I always go up before and pay my proportion so it doesn’t end up in the mix up at the end in dividing the bill so maybe you could do this at the next one and say to them you just didn’t want the hassle of it and then make a habit of it.

CallieTR · 08/10/2023 07:17

I don’t understand the idea that people who have more are somehow CF. In a group meal situation, I am not paying attention to the cost of other people’s meals or drinks. If you are paying attention and don’t want to split the bill, speak up.

(I don’t drink so am often the one who would benefit from ‘paying for my own’ rather than splitting and when I was short on cash, would mention it at the start/to the organiser as others have said)

Goldencup · 08/10/2023 07:18

vdbfamily · 07/10/2023 23:57

Not answering question specifically, but I am glad more restaurants now let you order from the table using QR code and you just pay as you go. This works well for groups.

This

Pippa12 · 08/10/2023 07:19

Knowing your on SMP I wouldn’t flinch at you keeping the cost down whilst eating out, I’d just be so grateful you were there.

I would order your food, take a rough estimate of what you need to put towards the bill including a tip and buy your drinks at the bar. Tell the organiser that’s what you’re doing and say it unapologetically.

You are not a discount voucher for everyone!

ScarlettSunset · 08/10/2023 07:21

I always say ahead that I want to pay for what I ordered. I didn't in the past but there have been too many times when people take the piss.

If that means I don't get invited out with those people again then so be it, if people get arsey cos I can't afford for them to go ott on my money, then they're clearly not my friends anyway.

Goldencup · 08/10/2023 07:24

Pippa12 · 08/10/2023 07:19

Knowing your on SMP I wouldn’t flinch at you keeping the cost down whilst eating out, I’d just be so grateful you were there.

I would order your food, take a rough estimate of what you need to put towards the bill including a tip and buy your drinks at the bar. Tell the organiser that’s what you’re doing and say it unapologetically.

You are not a discount voucher for everyone!

I would go futher and say the other's should have some understanding of your circumstances and not expect largesse from you. Is this a MC thing ? Interesting the PP who talked about the hen do that those on lower incomes saved up and considered it a big treat whereas others maybe eat out 2 or 3 times a week/ a month so order less.

Agree with the table QR codes, they are brilliant.