Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

[Mamatolittleboy]

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

I pay for what I've ordered. I'm a none drinker and I am not supplementing someone who chooses to buy drinks that cost double or triple what mine cost.
It's there choice so their cost.

I would never assume that other people have the money/are happy to subsidise my expensive steak and wines. It's really not hard to pay for what one ate.

This was my exactly my point as I’ve been in that situation as well. I don’t know why people are jumping to the conclusion that the ones who want to split are the ones taking the piss, it’s often the opposite.

However, I’ve since been informed on here that you can ask up front for separate bills. I can’t imagine doing that for 18 people but it’s useful for the non-splitters and everyone else can be billed together.

Depends on the meal and circumstances for me. I'm usually only going out with good friends so we tend to just split the bill equally as it's easiest and it probably works out over time (we go out once a month or so).

As for work mates, if we go out we tend to pay for what we had. Yes it's a faff but I think a few of them are on limited income and none of us want to make them feel as if they need to subsidise anyone else.

I agree that you should address it from the start "oh just fyi, we're on a budget and would prefer to just pay for what we've had if that's alright" (If for some reason they suggest it isn't alright, well, they aren't your friends because I can't imagine the sort of person who would argue with that!)

I got a D in gcse maths but I find it incredibly easy to keep a mental note of how much my meal is costing and pay for what I've had.

Unfortunately with a party of 18, it would be very difficult to do anything but split equally normally, which is why I now avoid big groups or go somewhere that's set price at lunchtime so people aren't drinking.

However I do think you can say in advance that you're really looking forward to catching up, but as you're on mat leave things are a bit tight so you will be driving and pay for your own share.

Only a complete oaf could take umbrage at that - unless of course you've been the ones quaffing the fine wines and eating the steak and wanting to split the bill previously.

Having said that in advance- or indeed in any situation where you are just paying your share - you need to be scrupulous to avoid participating in any shared starters or wine - and this may involve calling this out of someone wants to order sharing stuff for the table "Count us out Nigel, we'll just stick with our mains."

I don’t split the bill. Imagine having a three course meal , a fair bit of alcohol and then expecting those who had one course and water to pay the same amount as you. That makes me cringe a lot more than calculating individual spends.

No, not anymore.

It’s more ‘passé’ (🤢) to be insensitive about your friend’s financial position, and to assume others with subsidise your expensive meal.

And you can ask for separate bills at a group outing

UK restaurants don't do split bills as a matter of course, some might but it's not really the norm.
I worked for a bit in Austria and it was fantastic as they gave everyone their own separate bill.

I started a thread about this a couple of months ago, explaining how I like to pay for what I've had and not split unless we've had the same thing. I was called stingy, tight arse, all sorts.

Start with‘We’re paying separately’. Your mates are bloody rude expecting you to subsidise them. CFs.

It looks like the COL has now caught up with quite a few mumsnetters. There are still some insensitive posters on this thread though.

It's always the ones who order the most expensive things who want to split equally isn't it? I'm team pay for what you had unless you reckon there's hardly any difference

Agree with sorting it in advance by asking for a separate bill - but check beforehand with the restaurant that they can do this. (separate bills, not just splitting the total across different cards)
I was in a restaurant recently - they were full, and a couple invited me to share their 4 person table. When it came to getting the bill (turned out we were all going to the same play at the theatre across the road), the waiter said that 'the computer' didn't let them produce a separate bill for someone on the same table🙄

Im all for splitting the bill equally.

I suppose it depends on how often you go out in large groups and it happens regularly. If it’s all the time then I’d probs my suggest a set menu to limit the damage - but if it’s not regular then just split equally.

I always pay for what I’ve eaten. Why should I subsidise someone’s steak when my veggie option was substantially cheaper? Plus I don’t drink, so I’m not paying for that either! Never understood why people complain either- usually the ones who have ordered something expensive and know they’re getting it cheaper by splitting equally 😆

YANBU and next time ask to pay for what you ordered.

I remember once when I was young (maybe 18) was out for a birthday meal with lots of family. I ordered a soft drink and one meal that cost £9. Everyone else had 3 courses and wine. At the end they wanted to split the bill! I said no and put in £15 and everyone was so awkward about it, one person ended up covering mine, but I've never forgotten the awkwardness of being expected to pay £45+ when I'd eaten very little as I couldn't afford it purely due to my age.
Since then (I'm now 20 years older in fairness) I order multiple courses when I'm out with the same group, and I don't look at the price before I order.

odd choice of words. If anything in the modern age, splitting for convenience is seen as old fashioned because most people under 30 have splitwise or use things like venmo.

I honestly don't get why subsiding your friends or expecting them to subsidise you is normal for eating out but in no other circumstance. If you were shopping together and your friend bought a dress and you a pair of socks you'd think her ridiculous if she asked you for half the cost of the dress, simply because you were together when you bought it.

I don't understand why people think working out what you ate is such an incredibly time consuming task and can only assume people either have terrible maths skills or no patience. It's not like it's going to be a huge list of hundreds of items, at the max starter, main, dessert and drinks, so what, 4-6 things per person?
Just round up to the nearest pound and add together, it takes seconds and if you really can't everyone has a calculator on their phone.

If it's with close friends I think it normally works out over time.

odd choice of words. If anything in the modern age, splitting for convenience is seen as old fashioned because most people under 30 have splitwise or use things like venmo.

I don't understand why you need an app to work out the cost of your meal. All phones have a calculator on them.

Either is fine, just make sure everyone knows what’s what from the off. Would also really urge people who keep a mental note of what their meal costs to try to do this accurately- there’s always someone who has to leave early and sticks in £20 thinking that covers their meal, forgetting they’ve also had bread and bottled water and service etc etc.

It becomes particularly difficult when people are ordering lots of different bottles of wine and you lose track of who is drinking what and who is eating which side dishes.

In my main friendship group, we used to just divide it equally. We socialise together often and so over time, it all evened out.

However, things have changed, primarily the COL/low pay crisis which affects most people in some way. Also, two in my group no longer drink alcohol, and one has had surgery which means they can only eat small portions of food (a starter as a main course)

So now we either pay for what we’ve had, or we at least approximate it. So a £100 bill between four isn’t necessarily £25 each. A pays £30, B and C pay £25 and D pays £20.

You don’t need advanced numeracy skills to make it fairer.

It really is a pain in larger groups to work out what everyone had and pay to the penny so I prefer to split the bill equally.

Nope. We go out as a large group - the bill comes and they say what we ordered and pay - staff moves to next person. Dead easy.

OP why not just meet them after for drinks? You and DH could go somewhere else and have a nice meal beforehand.

Unless things are approximately equal within 20% or so I prefer to pay for what I've had. I don't want other people subsidising me if I chose to have a cocktail, a nice bottle of wine and the lobster and I don't want to curb what I really want either.
It is quite easy to go out and one individual's bill be three times someone else's. What we've started doing in my hobby group is one of us puts the entire bill + tip on their cc and we then work it out afterwards - we wouldn't bother if individual bills were approximately equal but they really aren't anywhere close most of the time.