Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

[Mamatolittleboy]

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

In a group of 20 people I would expect to only pay for what I order. I'm not paying for the random friend who drinks 2 bottles of wine to themselves! Send a message out beforehand just to clarify - other people will be thinking the same.

If I was out with a group of 5 or 6 friends then we would probably just split it equally, but if one person ordered 3 extra cocktails or something then we'd probably have a discussion about how to split it.

I generally just split it when I'm with my friends as we tend to order around the same amount of things and we go out together frequently enough that it works itself out - sometimes she may want a desert and I don't and vice versa - so it does not bother me in the slightest.
In big groups though it's annoying as hell and I've had a few events in the last few months that have annoyed me haha. I'm pregnant and actually on maternity leave still from my first - so on a much reduced income - and went to a hen do where we went to a restaurant. Obviously I wasn't drinking but I am also vegetarian and the place was very old school and the only thing that was really suitable for me was a veggie pizza which was the cheapest thing on the menu. I was drinking soda water. My meal came to £12 but when the bill came everyone insisted we just split evenly and kept just ignoring me asking if I could just pay first and they split between them given the circumstances, and in the end it was so awkward I ended up having to pay £50 for a veggie pizza 🥴 absolutely loved paying for everyone's steak and lobster and cocktails.

Ugh yes this always happens - especially when people have been drinking. And sometimes shared things like bottles of wine and starters and side dishes get forgotten about. That's why I usually just go along with the even split even though I don't drink alcohol or usually order as much food as others because I feel like if I have to make up the short fall at the end it'll end up being way worse than just splitting 😑

Whenever we’ve been out with others we’ve just paid for our own. Partly because we only ever eat a main each and a tend to share a starter or desert, plus neither of us drink alcohol. Maybe when you’re all looking at the menu next time, make a point of maybe saying for example, ‘I’ll just have the (cheaper) main because we need to keep mine and (husband's name) part of the bill down as ….. we’re saving for a holiday/we’ve already spent a lot this month/we’ve just had to get the car serviced/repaired’ etc. When it comes to the bill arriving, you need to just say straight away that you’ll work out what you guys have ordered and pay that. I think sometimes there’s that awkward pause for some people before they ask ‘how are we doing this?’ and it just needs someone to take the lead. Ultimately I think the most fair way is to pay for exactly what you’ve had.

Surely you have the same logic though? To admit that you would have ordered more drinks if you knew you were going to split?

Just make sure you add a tip and don't forget all the drinks and sides. not just tot up exactly what you had to the nearest penny.

Plus a tip.

I agree there's always a shortfall when people get their calculators out and think they're paying for exactly what they ordered. They forget the Diet Coke, the bread and conveniently the tip!

We always just pay for what we ordered. I've been in big groups and we tell the waiter separate bills. Never had a problem.

One thing I'm getting from this thread is that a lot of people need more intelligent friends. Who are all these people that can't add up the price of a meal 😂😂😂. It's not exactly difficult. I've never experienced this so presumably have cleverer than average friends 🥸

No it's not. What is passé is everyone knowing exactly who expects others to subsidise their large orders but not saying anything . It's always the same people every time. We see you. 👀

I speak out. 'X & Y didn't drink anything do we will take the alcohol off the bill as they should not pay.'

The funniest thing is to go out in a group with the notorious over consumer who always orders large then says ' so we'll just split the bill 10 ways etc. but agreeing before have with everyone else who is pissed off with CF that the bill be be split based on who had what. CF gets stuck with their actual^^ bill for once. They can't complain and it sometimes stops them being a douche on group nights out.

I'd just say up front that you'll order separately and bit elaborate too much.
I am generally happy to split when we have all had roughly the same but got really tired of overpaying when I'd had, say, a veggie risotto and salad with maybe a non alcohol cocktail, and the others had starters, huge seafood or steak dishes and puddings with a couple of bottles of wine and liqueurs afterwards. Sometimes my entire order was less than their main alone so I just stopped splitting.

I know some people say it's gauche to not just split a bill equally, but I say that's a very expensive principle to hold.

I generally find that if you don't drink, people are instantly open to the idea that you don't have to pay as much as those who are.

But ultimately I'd just be open about it! "We're on a tight budget at the moment, we didn't want to miss out on a lovely evening with you all but it does mean we will be ordering accordingly and paying for our share." Anyone who can't understand and respect that is not a good friend.

I believe it's what the kids are calling "loud budgeting".

We always ask for a separate bill when we go out in a large group. Then we can splash out if we want or get something cheaper if we want. Having been stung in the past I prefer it that way.

If everyone eats and drinks roughly the same amount the splitting the bill equally Fine
I went out for a meal.though with some friends I was on a budget and had enough for a main course and a soft drink ,others were drinking cocktails and having several courses ,how would it have been fair to split the bill equally ?

I just don’t know anyone like this. Im agog that folks seem to socialise with folks they dislike intently and who think are ripping them off. How very odd.

we always split, but we tend to order similar, and we all drink. It’s simply not a discussion.

@Jf20 often it's work groups who like to have regular dinners together or groups of old uni friends. People who have been in the group for a decade or more or people in a social club that you can't really not invite if it's an open invitation for the group

have you never gone out for food with people where you don't know the whole group that well?
friends who bring along their friends you've not met
hen party or birthday party involving different 'groups' of acquaintances
work colleagues
larger group linked to a social activity where you don't know everyone
fairly new friends you've never eaten out with before
meeting new people for the first time e.g. siblings/childs new partner and their family
Just some examples.

When I go out with my friends we usually all just pay for ourselves, but if someone did suggest splitting equally and I didn't think it was fair would be comfortable enough to disagree. It's with people you know less well it's awkward. Surely that's obvious?

I’ve went out with acquaintances as opposed to friends. Bur we still spilt the bill and we still all consume alike, ie we share wine,have a drink to start, have starters mains etc,

‘genuinely I’ve never been out with anyone, who consumes very differently to the group. I guess all like minded. New partners, extended friends, etc all go with the group,

Work events are paid for by the company, friends and family tend to get with those like them, so no, no difference.

so I guess no I’ve never been out with someone where they sit not drinking and have one course when everyone else is having 2 or 3. I ve also never been out with someone who consumed excessively. Generally everyone aligns with what others are doing,,,ie are we having starters, who fancies wine etc,

sometimes yes, it may cost us a little more, other times a little less, but no one counts and we have never sat and counted our own bill out and paid for it.

For work the company pays, then when we go on after we do rounds and take it in turns. For friends, family and acquaintances we split always inc tip. As said, the group always tends to consume similarly and no one sits and counts how much theirs cost.

but I guess if i can see if we were skint. We may.

I think you can ask to pay for yourselves, I like to order what I like and I don’t mind paying for it. I don’t agree that non drinkers or those with smaller appetites should foot my bill.

Splitting equally is only fair if you've all had similar

If one person had a starter, main, dessert and three glasses of wine vs another person that had only a main and one drink then that's not on

And sometimes I do think people take advantage of the bill split as they may be friends but they know they won’t say anything and just pay up.

I havent read the whole thread so not sure if it's already been mentioned but maybe when your and your DH order you could ask for your order to be put on a separate bill.