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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

252 replies

Mamatolittleboy · 07/10/2023 23:10

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

OP posts:
echinaceadreams · 08/10/2023 07:26

It's fine just say at the start to the server when you order that you and your partner require a seperate bill

Loopytiles · 08/10/2023 07:27

‘I don’t understand the idea that people who have more are somehow CF’

Really? With the prices of restaurant food and especially booze. It’s CF behaviour when people expect others to pay for their food and drink.

I once had a meal with a large group where my order, with service, cost £15. Main course and a soft drink. Similar for some of the others . The ‘share’ I paid of the overall bill was £50, some people had ordered 3 courses, loads of booze etc. I paid because at the time I could afford it and didn’t want awkwardness but it was annoying and was unimpressed with the CFs.

Andyrourkerip · 08/10/2023 07:28

If we've both had the same thing, like a coffee and cake then I'll split. If they've spent more than I have I'll only pay for mine, never split, don't care how that looks b

Kaill · 08/10/2023 07:28

Oh man, this reminds me of that time I went out with a tenner, planning to stick to pasta and tap water. Then the group wanted to split (after others had steak and alcohol) and I couldn’t. They were really nasty because I couldn’t afford “my share” and yelling because they had to pay more (basically they had to pay for what they consumed). Never went out with them again. Honestly this shit will break friendships. Just ask for your own separate bill.

Fulshaw · 08/10/2023 07:29

Ask the waiter for a separate bill but for the love of god, speaking as a former waiter, do it when you first order, not when it’s time to pay.

Zanatdy · 08/10/2023 07:30

Well if I ordered steak and had a lot of wine and the other people didn’t when they bill come I’d have said you put in less or pay for yours. I personally always split as it does seem petty but I wouldn’t judge someone asking to pay for what the ordered. Times are hard.

re the 18-20 people meal, no I don’t think it would be wise to ask during a large group like that as it would be very complicated if everyone’s paying for their order and there will be eye rolling whether it’s fair or not. I tend to get 3 courses if everyone is and splitting but don’t drink a lot. My groups tend to say non drinkers put in less. I don’t think it’s fair for a non drinker to contribute towards a lot of wine but in a big group unless someone suggests that it would be awkward

AhNowTed · 08/10/2023 07:32

It's totally fine, and becoming more common now.

And you'd have to be some kind of CF asshole to expect to split the bill with a non-drinker when you've had multiple bottles.

I'm firmly in the drinking camp and wouldn't expect that at all.

flowellaben · 08/10/2023 07:33

Totally depends on the situation- who we are with, our financial circumstances and if there's much disparity in what we've had.

If we go out with other couples in similar circumstances who all have a main, a dessert and couple of drinks, we will just split. If we were with anyone who couldn't afford to do that, or someone not drinking as much/eating something way cheaper, I'd suggest paying for what we've had.

It's absolutely reasonable for you to pay for what you've had and not subsidise others.

megletthesecond · 08/10/2023 07:33

Pay for what you have ordered. I find it easy to keep a mental note of how much I've spent and round up for a tip.

Lovesocksie · 08/10/2023 07:42

IME all those saying ‘just split the bill, don’t be tight, weird whatever’ are the culprits who know full well they’re enjoying the best meal and alcohol off the back of someone else. Don’t tell me people don’t realise when they’ve had a £100 meal for £70. I certainly speak up and say hang on I had a starter/ bottle of wine so I need to pay extra.

OP just pipe up as soon as the bill comes, ‘here’s ours for what we had plus a tip’. If the rest want to split/ argue the toss about who had what else that’s fine.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2023 07:43

Kaill · 08/10/2023 07:28

Oh man, this reminds me of that time I went out with a tenner, planning to stick to pasta and tap water. Then the group wanted to split (after others had steak and alcohol) and I couldn’t. They were really nasty because I couldn’t afford “my share” and yelling because they had to pay more (basically they had to pay for what they consumed). Never went out with them again. Honestly this shit will break friendships. Just ask for your own separate bill.

This shit will break up shit 'friendships'.

MotherWol · 08/10/2023 07:47

When you arrive at the restaurant, tell the waiter that you and your husband need a separate bill. Then it’s easier than working out who’s ordered what as they’ll be running a separate check for you.

CallieTR · 08/10/2023 07:51

Loopytiles · 08/10/2023 07:27

‘I don’t understand the idea that people who have more are somehow CF’

Really? With the prices of restaurant food and especially booze. It’s CF behaviour when people expect others to pay for their food and drink.

I once had a meal with a large group where my order, with service, cost £15. Main course and a soft drink. Similar for some of the others . The ‘share’ I paid of the overall bill was £50, some people had ordered 3 courses, loads of booze etc. I paid because at the time I could afford it and didn’t want awkwardness but it was annoying and was unimpressed with the CFs.

So people shouldn’t have what they want to eat and drink in case other people have less? That’s insane logic.

If you want to only pay for what you want, say so. Don’t split the bill and then be resentful.

Goldencup · 08/10/2023 07:55

CallieTR · 08/10/2023 07:51

So people shouldn’t have what they want to eat and drink in case other people have less? That’s insane logic.

If you want to only pay for what you want, say so. Don’t split the bill and then be resentful.

Show quote history

Yes, you " read the room" if everyone is getting one course and soft drinks ordering a starter and a bottle of wine is a dick move. Being thoughtful and sensitive to others' situations is just good manners. Presumably you go to enjoy their company, part of that is putting people at their ease.

Electrictache · 08/10/2023 07:56

I know some people who always insist on splitting and have seen them act in quite a shaming way if people ask to pay for what they had. It happened to us with them once when we ended up paying nearly 100 quid more than we ate/drank once. It's never happened again because I don't like flash cunts who assume everyone will follow their lead.

To those uncompromising splitters on here talking about it being passé and all that bullshit, I can guarantee that on at least one occasion you will have made someone feel like absolute shit and not even realised. Or your attitude will have meant that someone will have spent money they don't have on a bill just so they don't have to ask.

Loopytiles · 08/10/2023 07:57

We should have what want and pay for it too. Not seek for others to subsidise us.

bingbongbang23 · 08/10/2023 07:59

As general rule of thumb we split bill for simplicity.

However, we generally compensate for those not drinking (ie. They pay a little less and we pay a little more) but don't actually calculate individual amounts.

This tends to work ok.

Yogagrandmum · 08/10/2023 07:59

The problem with splitting bills equally comes if you’re not a big boozer. I resent paying for lots of wine if I’ve only been drinking coke…

RampantIvy · 08/10/2023 08:00

Jadebanditchillipepper · 08/10/2023 00:18

Would it work to have two separate bills for drink and food?

The food bill gets split between everyone and the drinks bill only between those who drank?

I've done this a few times and it worked quite well

Most eating places round here are pubs, so whoever wants a drink just goes and gets one from the bar, and there are no drinks on the bill.

SoftKittyBazinga · 08/10/2023 08:00

I’m the one who triggers this conversation at the start.

I will always eat and drink what I want. If others in the party are eating drinking a similar amount I suggest a split. If we’re going to be wildly different I suggest we pay our own.

in a large group I always suggest split bills and paying our own then no-one else has to worry about speaking up. I know lots of people hate talking money like this.

You need to be brave next time and raise it at the start. It shouldn’t be a big deal!

Mummadeze · 08/10/2023 08:03

Unless everyone has spent more or less an identical amount, I split the bill. It is just fairer and I don’t see it as cringe.

Mummadeze · 08/10/2023 08:04

I mean the opposite sorry, we always pay for own meals!

Dorisbonson · 08/10/2023 08:05

It's not tricky to get individual bills at all. I have had dinners with 30-40 people with different organisations where many were on a tight budget. Restaurant staff have absolutely no issue or problem as long as they know at the start.

Personally find it rather tiresome when people take the piss on the bill. Eat and drink what you want but be prepared to pay for it.

TrashedSofa · 08/10/2023 08:06

The people who know they were eating the more expensive stuff should've offered to pay extra, then the others can decide whether they'd rather work out who had what or just split equally to save working it all out. But the steak eaters should not have assumed.

gamerchick · 08/10/2023 08:07

Clemally · 07/10/2023 23:16

Split equally, a large group of people totting everything up individually is a bit passé.

No, there are people who royally take the piss out of that. As the OP found out.

You say at the start that you want a seperate bill to the staff. No totting up required.