Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

[Mamatolittleboy]

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

Of course it's not petty! Why should they have you cover their share?

Most people are only consuming a few dinner positions. It's no difficulty to add them up.

I read once a cultural analysis between dining out in the UK v Germany. In the UK it's the norm to split the bill and so people tend to order more drinks plus starters etc (because they want to get their money worth). In Germany, the cultural norm is to just pay your own bill and so people tends ot order less food and less drink because they know everything they order, they'll be paying for.

Not much to add apart from this interesting perspective. Generally, I find it a lot easier to say at the start of the meal that I want to just pay for myself if I say I plan to order a lot rather than I don't plan to eat much. The first way makes you look generous, the second way makes you look tight. It just is what it is.

This happens to me with a particular friend, we go out often and it's either myself or my dh who drives, we have 1 dc and they have 2, they drink. When the bill turns up they usually say 'oh 50/50' which we've agreed a few times, my dh has said next time he'll say let's just pay for what we had, and work out exactly.

I don't normally fuss too much as long as it's about the same but more and more frequently I've found myself to be out of pocket.

How does this work? I assume the restaurant doesn’t keep track of what everyone had so does everyone have to list what they had to get the separate bills made up?

In case of doubt, I’m not being rude or obtuse or anything, I’m genuinely asking as it’s not something I’ve seen done.

In my experience the problem with everyone paying for what they've had is that people invariably forget to include things. Theres always a shortfall and it's awkward. We've ended up just covering the shortfall ourselves rather than go through a drama over who added theirs up wrong and who forgot to include the tip.

In a table of 20 I'd expect the total to be way off. Perhaps the restaurant might allow you to split the food bill evenly but have everyone pay for their own drinks.

@Kendodd but is there also a cultural thing of going out and not really ordering a lot? I have some friends that can go to a restaurant all night, say 4 hours and only have one drink (alcohol or otherwise) and order tiny amounts of food (finances aren't an issue) If I go out for a meal I expect to be full at the end of it and can't sit for hours with one drink. So I guess people have different expectations of a night out. I don't order more because I expect someone to pay, it's because it's a way of enjoying an evening.

Generally, I only eat out with people I'm fairly close with, and the people I'm fairly close with are people with whom we share similar lifestyles and habits. We always split the bill, everyone's a decent person, no one takes the piss and equally, no one quibbles about someone else ordering the scallops.

However, if anyone said "money's a bit tight this month, so we're just going to pay for our bit tonight," I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

The restaurant will have separate tabs for each couple - not unusual

It depends how much the difference is.

I always take cash where this situation might present itself. I get out the money to cover my share plus a tip and pass it to the person who is organising the payment and politely but firmly advise that covers me. The times I will subsidise another persons meal have long gone.

I think when I go out with friends we mostly agree what sort of thing we’re having. So “are people having starters” or similar, so it ends up with everyone having had a similar amount.

That said, if I wanted to order r more than others I’d be happy to pay for my own and not expect everyone else to sub me!

I used to be in the split the bill camp with my friends but this year we’ve been paying for what we ordered plus 10% tip (or whatever the restaurant suggests). It’s not awkward and, funnily enough, we all drink less and perhaps skip the dessert. (I’d hate to read my old posts on this topic.)

I say upfront ‘I’d hate to lumber you all with part of my bill’ and ask the staff to bill it separately as we order.

I would hate for anyone to pay part of my bill (especially as lots of people don’t like saying they are on a budget).

I regularly go out to eat with a large group, around 8 to 14 people. We tell whatever venue we're at that are all paying separately and there is never a problem with us paying individually.

My friends and I go for whats reasonable.

If we've had something roughly equivalent (e.g. drink and main, both within a couple quid) we tend to split.

I've been out with a wider group of friends where everyone had a main and dessert but some drank alcohol and some didn't ... so we had one cost for the drinkers and one for the non-drinkers.

Some people are CF and need to be put in place. I remember going out with some people at uni, everyone else ordered normal main and dessert, soft drinks. This guy ordered a bottle of wine, surf and turf, sharer sundae to himself. Then tried to take charge of the bill and have it split. I point blank refused, as did several others. It eventually turned out CF hadn't even bought his wallet and had actually tried to divide it by everyone but him. I said wasn't my problem, paid for what I consumed and left the building while he wailed about what he was supposed to do and how someone would have to cover for him. I later found out a girl he'd been sleeping with paid his bill. This guy had full designer gear, went to a fancy boarding school, didn't go 'home' for holidays as his family spent the holiday times at their 'vacation properties'. Most of the rest of us were from the North, first in family at uni, had weekend and evening jobs to support ourselves. He learnt very quickly I did not bend to his will and hated me for it 😂

I don’t often go out with people that I don’t feel comfortable with talking about money etc. if you set out to pay for what you eat, then say it first. It’s telling that you say you would have ordered more drinks and food if you thought the other people would be footing the bill (as in splitting the cost). You went out thinking you would pay for what you ate, so say that at the beginning. I have been at both ends of this, ordering less to reduce my bill, or wanting to order what I like as it’s a special treat. If I was too scared to say I will pay for my own, then I wouldn’t have gone out.

The big issues I found was at a hen do, different people who don’t know each other. The person who had the lowest income wanted to treat themselves and order what they wanted and had saved up to treat themselves. They were happy to split the bill and said that at the beginning. There were two people who only paid for what they had, literally their food, no tip. We bought the bride a giant cocktail (they both had sips when it was passed round), it was £2 each for everyone to pay for cocktail (it was immense!). They refused to pay for that. They were happy to take drinks from the kitty money they hadn’t contributed to (the person in charge of the kitty didn’t want to leave anyone out). Yes, I did unfavourably judge them.

Not answering question specifically, but I am glad more restaurants now let you order from the table using QR code and you just pay as you go. This works well for groups.

This is asked regularly on here.

Those who say you should just split it as it is too much faff - or even 'passe' (? ) clearly need to check their privilege.

Not everyone can afford to just not care what their portion of the bill is.

Now, there are many times when I am happy to do that, but that is only when everyone at the table has had pretty much the same, or when you go out very regularly with the same small group and you know it evens out over time.
The only other time I've been in a situation where it is okay is where the person who clearly consumed less, is actually far wealthier, and they insisted.

I'm happy to split if we all had a similar amount, give or take (like it doesn't matter if one person has an extra drink or another person had dessert and the others didn't). That's all fine.
However if there was a huge difference then I'd suggest paying for what we had. Say I had a bottle of wine and three courses and my friend had a salad and a tap water then I think it would be ridiculous to split it equally.

Not rude at all! :)

We just tell them when we sit down that we'll want separate bills. I presume they then do it as if it was a single person at the table (I don't know how restaurants work these things either).

There have been several occasions where a non-drinker had 3 or 4 soft drinks to my one alcoholic drink, and a more expensive meal but somehow worked out that they should be paying £10-£15 less.

I've had this as well Frostyloz. A mocktail or dessert can cost just as much as glass of house red/white so the person having these hasn't necessarily lost out compared to the person just having a main course and glass of wine.

I agree that it seems to have become more common to pay for meals individually, which is the fairest option. I've also been in the position where we split the food but everyone orders drinks individually.

I think it would be absolutely fine to tell the organiser that you plan to pay individually. A meal of 18-20 people could end up costing you an enormous amount otherwise.

Just say breezily "we're going to just pay our own bill, having to go a bit careful while I'm on SMP, you know how it is"
Then when the waiter or waitress takes your order tell them you want a separate bill.
I hate splitting the bill, I don't drink very much (can't handle the hangovers 🙄) so I'm usually designated driver, I've been stiffed too many times paying for other people's alcohol

I only pay for what I ordered.

It is disgustingly rude of your friends to assume splitting the bill when they have been eating steaks and putting back the wine imo.

I would usually look to pay for what I have had - so I don't need to worry about what I have and end up taking advantage, unless we have pretty much had the same and it is only a matter of a couple of quid and then I would be happy to split

Would it work to have two separate bills for drink and food?

The food bill gets split between everyone and the drinks bill only between those who drank?

I've done this a few times and it worked quite well

I feel a bit daft but I had no idea this was a possibility. It’s good to know. We often have one or two in our group who want to pay for what they had (one is quite keen when she’s eating next to nothing, less keen when she’s ordered a bottle of wine and the fillet steak!) but this would be really handy - separate bills for them and the rest of us could split. We’re usually sitting with calculators trying to remember who had what.