Page 8 | Giving wine as a teacher gift?

LoveRules · 2023-10-07T19:49:12+00:00

AIBU to think my DD (20) is right in her suggesting that to give wine or any alcohol as a thank you gift to someone you don't know very well eg teacher or colleague is irresponsible and inappropriate as they might be, unbeknownst to you, an alcoholic My DP says this is ridiculous and any grown up including alcoholics would be able to cope with such a gift by passing it on etc. and should allowed to make their own decisions about their drinking as they manage to walk past booze in the supermarket every day if they are recovering alcoholics. So the odd gift of a bottle from one or several students or colleagues is acceptable. AIBU in thinking he's not quite understood the challenges faced by recovering alcoholics or IAMBU he's right it's all totally fine?

Noodledoodledoo · 08/10/2023 21:30

I am shocked (as a teacher) at how ungrateful some teachers sound on here. A gift is just that a gift - the expectation that parents would know the ins and outs of a teachers preferences is crazy. Some parents like to give a present, it is not expected but should be appreciated.

So far :
Vouchers - seem a bit hit and miss, large corporations, mean evil people (but probably easiest to use) shop local, teacher might not live locally so hassle to use, generic love2shop - too much effort. May go against current negative campaign they are unaware of.
Alcohol - going to offend, cause stress to the unknown alcoholic
Best teacher stuff - too many mugs in the world already!
Personalised gift with students / class names on - will end up in a drawer - and a waste of money
Handmade food - most don't trust it
Handmade gift by child - same as personalised gifts above
Food/Plants/Candles - so hit and miss on likes and dislikes

If you want to buy a gift, and have a specific idea - ask the teacher. or someone who knows them what might be appropriate. If you don't want to ask, buy a notepad, box of biscuits to go in the staffroom!

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 08/10/2023 21:55

Who buys a bottle of tequila for teachers/staff ? Nobody that's who. It's obviously regifting something you don't want.

Get a voucher for m&s or John Lewis, then they can buy whatever they want. Easy peasy.

cardibach · 08/10/2023 22:03

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 15:57

It's being precious to reject a Costa gift card because Costa coffee isn't your favourite coffee.

You've just said "I only really go into Costa at service stations when travelling". So why not use the card then?

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Because that’s really rare and chances are I’ll have lost it/forgotten about it or the one I stop at will have a Starbucks. Anything to say about ethical objections?
(Obviously if I were to be given one I’d be appreciative of the gesture - but I wouldn’t recommend it if someone asked me about suitable gifts).

cardibach · 08/10/2023 22:04

Noodledoodledoo · 08/10/2023 21:30

I am shocked (as a teacher) at how ungrateful some teachers sound on here. A gift is just that a gift - the expectation that parents would know the ins and outs of a teachers preferences is crazy. Some parents like to give a present, it is not expected but should be appreciated.

So far :
Vouchers - seem a bit hit and miss, large corporations, mean evil people (but probably easiest to use) shop local, teacher might not live locally so hassle to use, generic love2shop - too much effort. May go against current negative campaign they are unaware of.
Alcohol - going to offend, cause stress to the unknown alcoholic
Best teacher stuff - too many mugs in the world already!
Personalised gift with students / class names on - will end up in a drawer - and a waste of money
Handmade food - most don't trust it
Handmade gift by child - same as personalised gifts above
Food/Plants/Candles - so hit and miss on likes and dislikes

If you want to buy a gift, and have a specific idea - ask the teacher. or someone who knows them what might be appropriate. If you don't want to ask, buy a notepad, box of biscuits to go in the staffroom!

Nobody is being ungrateful when given a present. The thread is about what teachers would recommend, not about their appreciativeness when actually given the things.

echt · 08/10/2023 22:08

Wine is perfectly OK, and they can -re-gift if not.

I don't like chocolate, but smiled and said thank you every every time. Then gave it to the staffroom.

It's definitely the thought that counts, and no teacher expects a gift anyway.

autumnpleasestay · 08/10/2023 22:30

I'd avoid alcohol as a gift purely because it's something not everyone drinks. I suppose the same goes for most gifts; there will always be someone who doesn't like it or can't use it.

It wouldn't honestly have occurred to me to avoid alcohol as a gift in case the recipient is a recovering alcoholic, but that's another reason to give something 'safer', unless you know for certain that they welcome a bottle of wine. I'd expect an adult to be able to resist the temptation and get rid of the bottle, though. It's unfortunately simply a part of life for an addict.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 22:51

cardibach · 08/10/2023 22:03

Because that’s really rare and chances are I’ll have lost it/forgotten about it or the one I stop at will have a Starbucks. Anything to say about ethical objections?
(Obviously if I were to be given one I’d be appreciative of the gesture - but I wouldn’t recommend it if someone asked me about suitable gifts).

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Everyone is entitled to their ethical objections.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 22:53

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/10/2023 21:02

It's not just that. It's about where I live and where I go. I don't go to Costa, its not convenient.

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Do you live on the moon?

cardibach · 08/10/2023 22:58

@MasterBeth why are you so invested in Costa being convenient? Where I used to live I’d have had to drive 45 minutes to get to one. Not on the moon. Rural West Wales.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 23:02

I guess a parent would have to be a bit of a dick to buy a Costa voucher for a teacher who worked in a school that wasn't near a Costa. However, the vast majority of people in the UK are near a Costa.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/10/2023 07:31

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 22:53

Do you live on the moon?

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I don't live in a city. The school i worked in was in a village. The nearest town has several independent coffee shops and I would always go there. I won't say I would never, ever going.a Costa on principle but I would probably have misplaced the voucher before I chanced upon one.

potatoheads · 09/10/2023 07:35

I agree. I don't drink. Lots of people don't drink. I'd get super sick of getting gifts that were of no use to me. I'd much rather a John Lewis or Amazon voucher. At least I'd get the benefit of the gift. Why do people assume everyone drinks?

potatoheads · 09/10/2023 07:37

@Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain I wouldn’t - I hate coffee or milky hot chocolate 🤢
So get a tea and cake. Get a sandwich. Get some cookies. Get a hot chocolate for your dc. The point is you have some choice. If you don't drink a bottle of alcohol is useless

potatoheads · 09/10/2023 07:38

Incognito2023 · 07/10/2023 20:55

Very thoughtful of you and your DD – however, I agree with your DP - they are adults and are capable of passing it on if not wanted.

Otherwise we start saying we cannot give chocolates or biscuits in case they’re on a diet. And cannot give toiletries in case they have sensitive skin.
Where does it end?

Obvious solution is vouchers from commonly frequented shops. John Lewis. Argos. Amazon. Waitrose.

Nellodee · 09/10/2023 07:42

Just get whatever is easiest for you to actually buy and don’t sweat it. A primary school teacher is going to get bottles of wine given occasionally, and if they are going to backslide into alcoholism due to receiving one, they probably need to switch to a less gift prone job.

piesforever · 09/10/2023 07:48

Just say thank you and don't be ungrateful!!! Absolutely peak Mumsnet this thread!!! Costa, Amazon, wine, most normal people would love any of those and if you don't, pass them on with a smile!

Passerillage · 09/10/2023 08:00

As a class present it excludes Muslim parents from contributing. Didn’t stop my dc’s year class from getting a joint present of a case of craft beer for year 6 teacher even though I pointed out that about 6 Muslim families would not be able to contribute or would feel uncomfortable about it. 🤨

A John Lewis voucher is neutral and a treat.

Costa is a bit grim really, unless you know the teacher has a thing for it for some reason.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/10/2023 08:09

piesforever · 09/10/2023 07:48

Just say thank you and don't be ungrateful!!! Absolutely peak Mumsnet this thread!!! Costa, Amazon, wine, most normal people would love any of those and if you don't, pass them on with a smile!

I'm sure all teachers smile and say thankyou and re-gift it quietly if it's not something they can use. The OP wanted advice on appropriate gifts.

Original poster

LoveRules · 09/10/2023 09:29

Hi all

I wasn't actually after advice for teachers gifts it was a family debate about the appropriateness of booze as a gift for teachers.

My DD left school ages ago and my DP is a teacher who often gets booze. Her view was it was terrible that people thought that was an ok gift when someone could be a recovering alcoholic.

Teacher DP had similar views to a lot of the folks here but my DD was concerned of the risks of alcoholics been given gifts that could present a big problem for them.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/10/2023 09:34

A great friend (not a teacher but in a field where gifting to clients is generous and commonplace) is an alcoholic, in recovery for 30+ years. He doesn’t publicise it so regularly receives wines. Doesn’t bother him at all, he just says thank you and shares them around amongst friends.

Our daughter used to be a pre-school key worker. Loved a bottle of wine for Christmas, though her favourites were (really 😁) home made cards. .

Quisquam · 09/10/2023 10:33

Her view was it was terrible that people thought that was an ok gift when someone could be a recovering alcoholic.

Practically any gift is potentially unsuitable for someone! A teacher on a diet might not welcome chocolates as a temptation too far! We avoid chocolate with palm oil in it. Someone with hay fever might not welcome flowers. Some people object to Amazon, and prefer to use independent shops…..DH thinks the coffee in Starbucks is horrible; and he doesn’t drink tea or hot chocolate! One year, a client sent us a smoked eel as a Xmas present - just the sight of it put us off!

Imo, it’s overthinking. At least, a bottle of wine can be taken to a party or dinner, as a byob, along with a bottle of a soft drink for recovering alcoholics.

piintheski · 11/10/2023 07:39

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 23:02

I guess a parent would have to be a bit of a dick to buy a Costa voucher for a teacher who worked in a school that wasn't near a Costa. However, the vast majority of people in the UK are near a Costa.

anyone would have to be a bit of a dick to buy a costa voucher for anyone with their "celebration" of double mastectomy as a life style choice not a painful disabling necessity to reduce the risk of dying from cancer

DominiqueBernard · 04/11/2023 08:51

A lot of people don't drink alcohol, for all sorts of reasons. It's a lazy gift unless it's for someone you know well; you probably wouldn't give cigarettes, so why alcohol ?

sparkedsparkle · 04/11/2023 09:08

The best gifts are usually a voucher or a nice little thankyou plaque.
If the teacher wears earrings, that's usually a good shout. Likewise if they wear ties!
Candles are another one, and a nice personalised notepad or toiletry bag!

MissRead · 04/11/2023 09:44

God I’m so glad my DD is grown up and I don’t have all this angst about offending the teacher by just trying to do a nice thing.

When she was at school they were always desperate for raffle prizes - can’t these terrible bottles of wine/Costa gift cards etc be put towards that if they’re not wanted by the recipient?